What's the point of being authentic?

[Unhumble]

1. Why do many people want to be authentic?

2. What are the direct benefits of being authentic?

3. What's "wrong" about not being authentic?

 

The questions arose from another discussion in which I asked how we represent ourselves to the world ( ) and I had the impression that many people wish to be authentic.

 

I would like to further elaborate by asking what's so important about being authentic and why some people would sacrifice the intent to cooperate and communicate for the sake of emanating authenticity.

 

While one of the more common acceptable answers, that I can understand, is about self-confidence and self-acceptance (= not being honest out of fear of not being accepted) there are situations in which I feel that people try everything - even being as bold as possible - for the sake of being authentic, thereby undermining communication, respect towards others and other values that focus more on interpersonal relationships.

 

So, if you are a person who wants to be authentic or thinks she/he is authentic, would you please explain why you want to be authentic or why you are?

[littlestar]

I think we are all authentic in our own way. No one else looks, speaks, or thinks like us. I always like to be a leader rather than a follower if you know what i mean. I always think leaders get further in life. I dont like to follow other people's roads, i like to create my own. But thats just my personality. Everyone is different and should do what feels right to them. There is no right or wrong just what makes you happy.

[CaptainPlanet]

People say they want you to be authentic, what they really want is for you to appear authentic. Warm smile, friendly, eye contact. If you actually do act like yourself and there is something about your personality that is not likeable people will hate you. They won't care that it is the real you, they'll just say they don't like you and thereforeeee don't have to deal with you.

[maegirl78]

1. Why do many people want to be authentic?

2. What are the direct benefits of being authentic?

3. What's "wrong" about not being authentic?

 

I think the answer to all of your questions can be found in a term from psychology: cognitive dissonance. link removed dissonance

 

cognitive dissonance

n. Psychology

A condition of conflict or anxiety resulting from inconsistency between one's beliefs and one's actions, such as opposing the slaughter of animals and eating meat.

 

1. I don't think people consciously choose to be "authentic". I think we're psychologically set up to feel anxiety when our actions do not match our beliefs.

2. The benefit is not feeling anxiety due to cognitive dissonance.

3. "Wrong" is not a black/white thing in this case. I think most people would agree that when you meet someone, your natural instinct (if you find the person friendly and agreeable) is to find something in common to bond over. When you claim to have a similar interest and someone bonds with you over it, only to find out that such interest does not exist, you run the risk of them viewing your behavior as "wrong". Not only that, it undermines the possibility of achieving real intimacy with another person.

 

there are situations in which I feel that people try everything - even being as bold as possible - for the sake of being authentic, thereby undermining communication, respect towards others and other values that focus more on interpersonal relationships.

 

You seem to be concerned about people trying hard to be "different" but do not make the mistake of confusing that with being "authentic". Society tends to put a lot of emphasis on building self-esteem with phrases like, "I'm special" and "I'm unique". The truth is that some people hold onto these phrases so vehemently that they make it a personal cause to show others just how "special" and "unique" they really are - through shocking them, undermining communication, etc. The difference between what you seem to be concerned about and being "authentic" is that you can be "authentic" without being socially retarded, ie. being viewed as someone who undermines communication or respect for other people.

 

I think people are most satisfied when they act in ways that are true to their belief systems. Most find that when they do so, they tend to develop relationships with people who share similar belief systems and there is no fear of discovering that the friendship has been a farce or based upon some half-truth or lie.

 

Just my humble opinions. Hope this gives some insight.

[Shes_abetty]

I am authentic because I do not lie to myself. A lot of people think being authentic has something to do with other people, and it really doesn't. Being authentic, in my opinion is less about letting everyone know who you are and more about having integrity (doing what you say and following the morals and values you set for yourself) and self-acceptance (you are doing the best with what you have. Meaning personal attributes, financial situation, etc.)

 

Being authentic is difficult because being in denial, not listening to what your gut is telling you and doing the opposite of what you know is right is a daily battle with most people, and most of those people don't even know it. It's hard to stay true to yourself and not let outside forces influnece that. And I don't mean stay true to yourself like "foresake all others" But more like knowing what you want and following through with it.

 

Being authentic makes you a happier person because you won't have so much confusion about what you want out of life and what's going to make you feel fulfilled. Being authentic allows you to realize buying those shoes is not going to make you happy in the long run, or eating that last piece of cake wont really satisfy you.

 

I would not want to live any other way, and i feel sorry for people who have not discovered that all the happiness they will ever need comes from being authentic.

[annie24]

to give a real world example of being authentic vs. not authentic - say i meet a guy who is a big outdoors buff, loves hiking and camping and all that. and i am attracted to him. however, if i hate the outdoors, and getting muddy, and i prefer shopping and the opera, i shouldn't lie to him. i could pretend to be all outdoorsy also, and go with him on camping trips to get him to like me, but eventually, he will see through the act. or i will be in complete misery from being in the outdoors, when i'd rather be in the opera. it's better to be genuine, and see if things can work out anyways - he can always go camping alone, or with his friends. or if having an outdoorsy woman is important to him, then someone else would be a better match.

[Batya33]

I wanted to add my comment on feeling authentic in a relationship. as the former marathon dating queen, I could always tell when I was out to dinner and not feeling comfortable even if we both were talking because I could sort of "hear myself" talk - I was disconnected from myself and my voice sounded like someone else's. When I am comfortable with someone - whether friend or romance - my voice and "me" are one - there is no self conscious "out of body" experience - I am in the groove and it's easy/at ease. And the other person can sense that too and it feels bonding and connecting.

 

That's one reason I like being authentic.

[Stinking Rose]

Not sure if you're asking this on a relational or individual level but for me personally, being authentic is not creating any false hope for others. For example, if you say you are going to call a friend at this time on this day, you better make sure you follow through with it.

 

Being authentic means you are genuine and sincere in your words and actions.

[bulletproof]

I think you're confusing "authentic" with "obnoxious". Just because someone is authentic doesn't mean he is undermining communication. He could be an authentic communicator, with a genuine gift for relating to people.

 

I prefer to look at it as being who I truly am, while at the same time making sure who I am is someone worth being, and someone that respects the feelings and wishes of others to some extent.