midnightrambler Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Midnight, Is the ex trying to get you back?? we have been each other lives for 17 years....but we will never marry. we just casually date Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Final Cloud, Is that the "I don't want you but I also don't want anyone else to have you" analogy? Funny thing is is that he said he still misses me and thinks of me frequently. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Vampires, I would like to respond to your comment "I would guess you are quite young," actually, I am within your age group. Perhaps I was showing some naivete' when asking this question, but sometimes things are not so clear cut. Within the last three-months this man has displayed many mixed signals, I never know where he's coming from or what his intentions are. I have shared my concerns with my friends who range in age from 30-65 (men & women), they are also baffled with his actions, including the latest incident. So, perhaps the next time you respond to a post you will not be so quick to make such judgements. I think if you go to my post, you will find that I said in advance, "Forgive me if I am off-base." So, I did not make any judgments without also accounting for the fact that I could be wrong, and was not making an assumption, thereforeeee. I cannot know all the intricacies of how this man has given you mixed messages. I know things are complex with people and situations. I don't doubt that in your mind, you are wondering what to make of your ex's many signals, but all that comes accross in your OP is, "why would a person want to know about their ex's dating life?" Specifically, your OP says: My question is, why would the ex be interested in my current dating status?? Since none of us on here can possibly creep into his mind to know his feelings and intentions and inner workings, as he a complete unknown to us, I would assume this is a GENERAL question about why an ex IN GENERAL would be interested in knowing about dating status. To me, that is a naive question, taken in and of itself. And maybe I was just confused by your question, and I didn't understand what it meant. Why YOUR ex is asking about your dating life is not a naive question, since you are trying to figure out his intentions, but since you provide so little about your relationship and we know nothing about either of you, it seems like a more impersonal query. In either case, the thrust of my post was to encourage you and congratulate you, so I'm sorry all you took away from my post was to be offended. I certainly didn't mean to offend you, I was expressing my surprise openly about your question, but I'm sorry if it upset you. I thought that was quite a small bit of my post, and I did put in the disclaimer that I could be wrong about your age. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Vampires, No problem. I appreciate your apology. Perhaps I could have been a little more forthcoming with the details of the relationship. All the best Link to comment
LilBear Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Perhaps you'd like to give a little background on your break up? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Lil Bear, It gets a little long and I don't want to bore anyone at this point. I think I will wait until our get together next week and see where it leads. Thanks for asking! Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Final Cloud, Is that the "I don't want you but I also don't want anyone else to have you" analogy? Funny thing is is that he said he still misses me and thinks of me frequently. Yes, you got it. I think most dumpers to some degree feels it: The envy when all your attention is not focused on them anymore, though they may or may not act on it. I can only nod my head as I read that your ex too acted on that envy; My ex did the same. I just hope that you do not take it in the wrong way and assume that he wants to get back together. I mean, it's possible but much too risky to think that at this point. Please stay strong and do not let him rest assured that he can have you anytime he wants. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 Final Cloud, Actually, I'm not thinking about getting back together. For now I am trying to work on the restoration of the friendship. Following the breakup he displayed some dependability issues and I need to decide if I can trust him enough to let him in as a friend. We'll see where it goes. Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Final Cloud, Actually, I'm not thinking about getting back together. For now I am trying to work on the restoration of the friendship. Following the breakup he displayed some dependability issues and I need to decide if I can trust him enough to let him in as a friend. We'll see where it goes. Just friends and nothing more ever? Or, friends and move up to getting back if trust issues are resolved? And don't you like your ex romantically instead of as friends? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 I'm not saying never. He needs to do some work to get the relationship back. Meaning, there has to be true recognition as to how his actions affected me. I believe if he is sincerely sorry and clear about a future together, we could possibley work things out. I guess I still love my ex, but I have to be realistic. I'm not going through the agony of a breakup again. Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Then I suggest you don't aim to be friends. I think you should leave him alone until you're convinced that he's addressed his problems and sure that you want to give it another go with him. Link to comment
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