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Wants to know if I'm dating?????????


Hollyj

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My ex and I have decided to restore our friendship since the breakup breakup three-months ago.

 

During our lengthy conversation last night, he seemed to show a great deal of interest in my current dating situation. I was trying to avoid the topic, but he kept pushing the issue saying that I was being evasive.

 

My question is, why would the ex be interested in my current dating status??

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There are a multitude of reasons for this. My question is why remain friends, it will only cause heartache down the line. At least in my life it has. However, the reasoning for this is vast, have you moved on? If not, he may want to try to rekindle things, or he may just want some non committal sex. he may want to know if you have moved on and he hasnt that some guilt trip that you didnt care for him enough cause you already moved on. I mean, there are so many reasons why and you should be concerned with NONE of them. If he asks, you give him the truth whatever that may be. You are not bound to him by anything. Just be honest..

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I believe I have moved on. We were friends prior to the relationship, and had promised one another that we would be friends no matter the outcome.

 

Re. the non-committal sex, no way! Plus, we're all or nothing kind of people, he wouldn't be interested in that situation, considering the intensity that we shared for one another.

 

I was honest in my response, but it made me a bit uncomfortable, especially since he stated he had not dated since the breakup.

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I believe I have moved on. We were friends prior to the relationship, and had promised one another that we would be friends no matter the outcome.

 

Re. the non-committal sex, no way! Plus, we're all or nothing kind of people, he wouldn't be interested in that situation, considering the intensity that we shared for one another.

 

I was honest in my response, but it made me a bit uncomfortable, especially since he stated he had not dated since the breakup.

 

It's interesting that you mention the dating thing. I've noticed that most of my ex's always have an increase in interest once I'm either taken or they know I've been dating quite a bit. It never seems to fail. If you haven't been dating then, like you said, it would seem to place some kind of pressure or undue burden on the other person.

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It's interesting that you mention the dating thing. I've noticed that most of my ex's always have an increase in interest once I'm either taken or they know I've been dating quite a bit. It never seems to fail. If you haven't been dating then, like you said, it would seem to place some kind of pressure or undue burden on the other person.

 

would that be true if they are with someone else?

 

My ex certainly asked so many questions indirectly to find out whether I am with someone or not....and, i am heavily dating of course..dates almost every nite..Even she saw me with a girl in a club 2.5mos ago...

 

But she did not wanna even meet me yet...She is seeing someone for about 3 mos now, a LDR relationship. but serious enough that she visited him long distance and plan to visit again this year along with her brother...

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Jettison,

 

So did they want to reestablish a relationship?

 

He has nothing to feel guilty about, the relationship ended mutually. It was just strange to tell him I had been dating a bit, and then to find out he had not. Also stated, he still thinks of me frequently.

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Jettison,

 

So did they want to reestablish a relationship?

 

He has nothing to feel guilty about, the relationship ended mutually. It was just strange to tell him I had been dating a bit, and then to find out he had not. Also stated, he still thinks of me frequently.

 

That has been the case for me twice in the past. I do think that some people can get in the habit of kind of shielding their ex's from their activity and this just isn't a good policy. Your ex telling you "I'm not dating anyone else" is kind of an open invitation to say "So I'm open to dating you". Why else would one say that?

 

I remember that I started dating someone seriously only 3 months after my super long term relationship ended, and I didn't want to tell her I was dating again specifically because I didn't want her writing me letters, or coming after me, or telling me about her regrets. I was just really happy, and I didn't want to deal with her at all.

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Jettison,

 

I guess I'm really naive! I guess I thought he was just telling the truth-sometimes I'm at a loss with others and their intentions. But, there was that little voice saying, why the hell is so interested in my dating situation?

 

Perhaps you're right, and he is still interested in reestablishing a relationship or what ever, I don't know? We set up our first get-together next week, so I'll see where he tries to take it.

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It is vague on his part but personally I feel that he is interested to try again.

Some guys may not be so upfront about their feelings, and resorts to dropping subtle hints as so not to embarrass themselves should they be rejected.

 

I think he might be willing to try again, but he wants to see where your head is at first.

Don't bite for now though. Nothing is very clear.

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Keep being evasive, the more he'll get hooked on you, the more you are in control of the relationship.

 

This is a good policy to follow, if you want the relationship to be based on power-and-control tactics. It does work, as the ante is upped on your "desirability" quotient.

 

However, if you want a relationship based on honesty, openess, equality (i.e., no one wants to have the "control" per se because that creates drama and hurt feelings), respect and the friendship you promised eachother at the beginning, I would not suggest this. This kind of game-playing gets you about as far as, well, the dirty break-ups that we on ENA know so well. It sounds to me like your relationship is above that with him, in that you at least try to be upfront with eachother.

 

If a genuine connection that lasts long into the future is what you want, keep being upfront (while being sensitive to the person's feelings meantime.) If playing on someone's imagination, and thereforeeee spinning a web of intrigue in order to create "special effects" so as to win their heart back is what you are after, then continue to be evasive (and don't be surprised when down the line, you find yourselves alienated and drifting apart in your lives after all that "fun" is over.)

 

I do agree with the poster who said there could be a myriad of reasons. And, I would agree that it is a little naive of you to be asking why he would be interested in your dating status. If you are over him and have moved on, perhaps you are not able to "get" where his questions are coming from, but people don't ask those questions unless they are feeling touchy about the subject, either because they don't want to be hurt by the information later that you are with someone when it catches them unaware, or because they are still fostering feelings for you. You don't indicate your age, but I would guess you are quite young, as this question seems to show a bit of lack of relationship experience. Forgive me if that's totally off-base.

 

Good for you, for keeping a friendship alive post-breakup. I hope you keep it even if the love affair never rekindles. From my experience, those friendships are worth gold, putting even the hallowed "romantic ideal" a step behind in second place.

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Vampires,

 

I would like to respond to your comment "I would guess you are quite young," actually, I am within your age group.

 

Perhaps I was showing some naivete' when asking this question, but sometimes things are not so clear cut. Within the last three-months this man has displayed many mixed signals, I never know where he's coming from or what his intentions are. I have shared my concerns with my friends who range in age from 30-65 (men & women), they are also baffled with his actions, including the latest incident.

 

So, perhaps the next time you respond to a post you will not be so quick to make such judgements.

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My ex and I have decided to restore our friendship since the breakup breakup three-months ago.

 

During our lengthy conversation last night, he seemed to show a great deal of interest in my current dating situation. I was trying to avoid the topic, but he kept pushing the issue saying that I was being evasive.

 

My question is, why would the ex be interested in my current dating status??

 

i have on that aks the same question---i tell her none of her business. I suspect he asks in case there is a chance at taking a casual run at you

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I haven't read the whole thread but I think life is much simpler with exes if you ignore all so-called signals and just focus on if and when the following is said "I would like to reconcile with you and be back in an exclusive relationship." That's a starting point for a real conversation - the rest is just distraction and fluff.

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I believe the ex asks about your dating situation because they want to know if you'll still be there whenever they want. It is common with breakups, and has also happened to me. And for me it led nowhere near getting back together.

 

They even will get sad if you are dating or seeing new people, and it will puzzle you why it would get them sad, but it most definitely is not a reliable indicator that they want you back. My take on it is that they want all of your attention, even after the breakup, so if you're meeting new people then you're giving your attention to someone else, so they are affected over their "loss."

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