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My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 3 years now! The last 7 months have been rough on both of us because he cheated on me. I held my hurt feelings back through it all & we are still together. This girl still has the nerve to call him & he still has the nerve to talk to her like she is his best friend. A few months ago I told him what I thought & he beat on me pretty bad... I told no one until now even though it was obvious with all the bruises & cuts. I wanted to end it right then & there, but because I do love him so much, I couldn't. Things have only went down hill since then & he has got into the stage of hanging out with his friends almost all the time (& prolly the girl too) while I sit at home wondering what he is doing. After sitting at home for weeks only seeing him when he snuck in late to go to bed I thought "well maybe I should go out with my girls, have some fun... get a little wild!" so I did, & I found myself getting attached to this guy who i have know for years. I held myself from getting too attached to him because even though I was being treated like a unless sock, I still loved my boyfriend, & will always stay faithful! Well now the tables have turned & all of a sudden he wants to know what im doing, where im going... who im with... the whole sha-bang! WHAT? Now you care? Now you wanna spend time with me? Did your sl*t you like so much, ditch you & find someone better... HAHAHA **I thought** So i stepped back a little & started putting more time in with him but did still go out with my friends; witch burned him up inside, making most of our fights pretty intense & dramatic. But in the back of my mind... I sorta liked this because I thought... Ha, how do you like it when the shoe is on the other foot? Then again I knew how it felt to sit at home & wonder so I stopped hanging out with my friends all together & give my 100% to our relationship for the last time... SO I THOUGHT! Well afew days went by & things still was so screwed up & okward I told him we needed to end it, let it be over & try to savor some sorta friendship. I was so stressed from trying, it felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall. Things I thought we settled came up in fights over & over again... it just had to be done, for the sake of both of your feelings. Well when i spit out them words my throat turned into knots as he threatened to kill himself. At first I was like what?... no he wont do it. Well he grabbed a knife out of the drawer & put it to his throat, saying if i ended it he would end his life. I back tracked of course because I would feel terrible if he did somthing to himself because of me. What do I do, things havn't gotten any better & im scared to just tell him its over because he is suicidal & unlike some people... i believe he would actually do it. What do i do, how do I end it with peace instead of MAYBE death? :sad:

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oohhhh jeezzeee,

i really really really am sorry to hear that you have to experience this. wow like, i truly feel really horrible for you.

i dont understand how all of the sudden, he just became all defensive as SOON as you wanted to go out with your friends. it angers me how he would have the nerve to, first off, always go out with his friends, leaving you at home and even keeping in contact with that other girl, and then as soon as you try to just live your life a little, he becomes very defensive and upset.

i do not think very highly of boys who abuse (physically and verbally) girls. i know you love this guy so much, but please understand when i tell you that it is not healthy, for both of you.

you sound like a very nice person and a faithful girlfriend so i do not understand why he would be getting so upset just because you want to see your friends once and a while.

i will be honest, and as HARD as it sounds, you HAVE to end it. he not only has physically beaten you and cheated on you (which really makes me so mad because you just DO NOT treat your girlfriend like that) he is also trying to control you.

you are not his pet stressful_love, you are his girlfriend. if he loved you, he would trust you and not treat you like that. you are a human being and you NEED to have some fun time with your friends, you NEED to get out and enjoy yourself and he NEEDS to understand that.

I dont know what to say to you though sadly I would say talk to him, but I am afraid he will try and do something to you as well as himself. Maybe talk to him on the phone, or something, try not to do it in person because I do not want you to be hurt here. if you really feel uneasy about this, maybe contact someone, like a psychiatrist or someone who can maybe help him out.

you really, really (a thousand times over) deserve someone who will love you and treat you with the utmost amount of respect and who will trust you and let you be your own person.

i wish you the absolute best of luck, and please be careful, PLEASE I can't stress enough about that.

please keep us posted on what happens k.

i just wanna know if you'll be out okay, just like everyone else here!!!

take care of yourselfff!

it is what you deserve.

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One of my friends had an abusive husband who sounds just like this guy. Every time she tried to leave he threatened suicide.


What she finally did was moved out while he was at work and before he came home, she called his parents to tell them the situation. They came over to the apartment and broke the news to him that she had left him and he denied ever threatening to kill himself.


Another friend of mine a few years later was in a serious relationship with my then husband's best friend. She dumped him because he became a coke addict, and he showed up at my door one night with a gun telling me he was going to kill himself. After trying to talk him down for hours I finally told him if he was going to do it then he needed to leave my house and do it somewhere else because if he was so weak that he'd let a girl make him end his entire life then he should at least have the decency to not force me to be witness and ruin MY life.


The thing is, people who are seriously suicidal do not go around telling people 99% of the time. They just do it. From what you've said, it sounds like he's just trying to use the threat as a means to force you to stay in what is obviously an unhealthy relationship.

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The thing is, people who are seriously suicidal do not go around telling people 99% of the time. They just do it. From what you've said, it sounds like he's just trying to use the threat as a means to force you to stay in what is obviously an unhealthy relationship.


I completely agree with you

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I am very very very sorry to hear what your going through stressful_love. What he did to you kinda made me angery. Exspecily the part about beating you Any guys who dose that is a wuss, and it's never your fault. You have a very unhealthy realtionship going here. Leave while he is at work as circi suggested, and make sure you have someone there for when he comes back. Good luck.

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Thank you guys for all your support, I appreciate it so much! I know I must leave this unhealthy relationship, that very subject has been weighing heavy on my mind for weeks. He may sound like a total a-hole but he can be very charming when he wants to be; that is one of his qualities that attracted me to him for so many years. I have tried taking him to the police & getting him some help when he threatened to kill himself but they couldn't do anything. I tried confronting his parents about this issue and they deny & refuse to believe anything is wrong with there "perfect-do-no-wrong" son. Our relationship is like a yo-yo... it goes up, it goes down, it goes up, it goes down & on & on & on a million times more! We can fight really really bad one night & the next morning he is making me coffee & kissing me goodbye before he goes to work. Just the other night, he got down on his knees in tears telling me he would never hit me again, that he would walk away before that ever happened. He hasn't touched me harshly since but there is always that one fight that might tick him off & send him over the edge. I'm so lost & confused... I really don't know what to do anymore!

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I'm sorry I know you "love" him but this sounds like a very bad co-dependent relationship with some passive-aggressive and very manipulative behavior going on from BOTH of you. And the fact he struck you in anger would be "see ya!" time for me. And now he is manipulating you by threatening his own life.


I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this guy doesn't love you and he certainly doesn't respect you. He treats you nice occasionally because that's the ONLY thing that keeps you hanging on to hope. You need to leave this relationship NOW.


If you truly think he will hurt you or himself, you need to contact the authorities and tell them what is going on. The police can't help you unless you call him in for abuse, and they'll arrest him, etc. I suggest researching suicide hotlines, etc and maybe they can help you or direct you to someone who can.


Once you break, you're going to have to go NO contact and get as far away from him as possible. His need for manipulation will increase when you split and just remember that you are NOT responsible for his actions, EVER. If he chooses to do something stupid and drastic like injure or kill himself... that is HIS inability to deal and HIS choice.


Do you have friends and/or family that know about this and can help and support you?

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