What's going on here....

[luxe_13]

I'll try to make this as brief as possible as i tend to ramble!

 

Was seeing a guy for 2 months, all was great, we're really compatable, there were no games, he was totally into me and i felt the same way...best thing i'd had in years in fact!

 

hit the 2 month mark and he had a freak out (though he didn't tell me this, i picked up the strange vibe, asked him about it and he confessed).

 

the freak out was understandable. he has only been single for a few months after being in a 6yr r'ship.

 

clearly he wasn't ready to be in another one, though he thought he was.

 

so we had a talk and things kind of went in to a grey area. he needed "time to think" blah blah.

 

i treated it as a break up. got upset, cut him out of my life - blocked on msn, kissed another guy. did everything i usually need to cleanse myself of someone.

 

come christmas, he sent me a really nice text message. a few days later i was on my computer and decided it was pretty mean to block him on msn. so unblocked him. straight away he starts chatting away to me.

 

since then, we chat daily. yep, every single day. but only on msn. and we never talk about "us" or where his head is at.

 

started to think..ok i guess we're friends who chat online now? though he is very flirty when we chat..

 

anyway...then out of the blue he invites me to go with he and his friends to a 3 day festival 2 hours north of our city. 3 days and nights with him.

 

i agreed of course because i am still totally into him, but now i am more confused.

 

are we just friends now?

 

my feeling is that he still likes me, but still isn't ready to say "ok i'm ready for this now". perhaps wants to keep me in the picture..

 

i've made it clear that i'm not the sort of girl who just sleeps around..so surely this isn't just an opportunity for him to have no strings sex with me when we're away? (if thats all he wanted, i'm sure he could pick up some random girl at the festival??).

 

not sure what to do now..i am trying not to pressure him at all as i understand he needs time (don't worry, i'm not exactly sitting at home every night waiting for him to make up his mind, i've been dating other guys, going out alot etc.)

 

do i need to have a talk with him to clarify whats going on or will this scare him off??

 

i am not even sure if he plans to see me before this festival (which is 2 months away! so surely he does...). should i ask him out? or wait for him??

 

aaghh confused. really like him..

[annie24]

hm, it seems unclear about what he wants. could be that he is confused about it too. or he realizes he messed up on a good thing, and he's trying to win you back. would you feel comfortable going to this 3 day event without knowing what is going on in his head? if so, go for it. if not, then take a raincheck, and just have dinner with him.

 

maybe he just wants to be friends, but i have a feeling he might want more. if he wants sex, but doesn't mention he'd like to date you again, then you need to sit him down and tell him what you told us, that you aren't that kind of girl. i think taking things slow at this point would be a good idea, especially since he got skittish last time.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you're in that gray area where there is no way to read his mind... and if you assume anything, it could easily be the wrong assumption, either way.

 

this is where you have to pick up the phone and talk to him, not just messages or nebulous invites way into the future. ask him point blank if he wants to date you, or just be friends.

 

and if you really like him, a friends with benefits situation may break your heart eventually if he only wants the sex and doesn't really want to date, so you really need to clarify where you stand with him.

[luxe_13]

thank for your advice.

 

part of me does want to know exactly where i stand with him now..this is the impatient part of me.

 

the other part, is happy to see what happens after the weekend away together.

 

the thing that is making it all so hard is that he chats to me on msn every day. i feel mean (and like i'm playing games) if i block him off. but having him there and so accessible all the time means that he is on my mind alot more than he should be!

 

i am playing it cool (he is always the one to start the conversations with me), but it's still hard.

 

still feelig quite confused and my mind changes all the time. one minute i want to write him an email about how i feel, to get everything in the open. the next, i feel it is a stupid idea and i should just chill out and see what happens. the next minute i feel asthough i should cut him off and make him have to chase me down a bit if he wants me.

 

and everyone has different advice. so how is one supposed to know what the right thing to do is??