Why are they better??

[Briella]

OK, so I've accepted the fact that my ex and I are over. He is a changed person, and I myself have grown and am proud of myself for that. The thing that I lack is self esteem.

It doesn't help that the person he is seeing is alot more confident, independent and, the thing that hurts most, better looking. She has big boobs whereas I'm small, she has a pretty face and outgoing personality. How do you accept that he chose her over me? In my head I see her saying to her friends, that's his ex and them saying oh you're soo much prettier, she doesn't even have boobs.

And it hurts that he is sleeping with her and probably looking at her thinking, this is so much better. I've never slept with anyone else and now I'm completely paranoid because obviously there was something wrong with me. How do I accept that his family and friends might like her better and say 'he is so much better off with her'??

I'm not totally over him but i don't want to be with him either. I don't talk to him, its no contact unless I see him out. I just feel so hurt that he found something better than me. I just don't feel that i'm good enough for anyone now. If i can't have the one person in the world that I want, how can I have anyone.

It just hurts still, I wish it would just go away. ARGH!!!!!!

[mikeca]

one key statement I get from reading your post is... your imagining all this, none of what your thinking has actually been said! Have you ever heard the saying "every woman has her charms"? my understanding is you could put two beautiful girls together and fall in love with one but not the other. This new girl may have boobs but without personality, style, emotions that youve clearly got, does not make her a better girl than you.

[Yodabell]

Hey there...

 

No one is better than anyone else. She may be better for him, but yuo'll meet someone better for you as well!

 

I have small boobs too. Guess what - small boobs can be great. I can go running, climbing, biking, dancing, loads of stuff that girls with bog boobs find uncomfortable. It took me years to accept the fact that i'm never going to be well endowed in the chest area. I notice guys checking me out anyway - they obviously don't care about small boobs - great! I have really pretty eyes - so I make the most of those. That's where people look when they're really interested in you anyway. I have great legs and a great butt - so i wear clothes that show those off.

 

Accentuate your good qualities - physical and what's inside. My ex ex thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that it was because he saw beauty inside, not just outside. Even my ex (who dumped me a few months ago) always called me sexy - small boobs obviously didn't bother him either.

 

My ex ex always told me that my boobs were in proportion to the rest of me and I'd look stupid with bigger boobs. Other exes have told me that they like how I like my boobs. Sure, some guys like big boobs - do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who only likes you for part of what your physique is like??

 

Write down evreyday 5 things you love about yourself. Write down the nice things your friends and family say about you. Even if it's just a "thanks" for something. Writing these down affirms them in your head, and when you have a down day - you can look at your notebook and remind yourself of all your positive qualities.

 

Looks might attract a man to you initially - but it's what inside that makes someone stay around. So don't beat yourself up about how his new g/f looks - you have no idea what sort of person she is, and it doesn't matter anyway. It's time for you to think about you.

 

Take care xx

[mikeca]

^yodabell is right, and quite possibly could be an ex of mine :S

[tsarevnaelena]

I suffer from this, as well. His parents did NOT like me and though some of his friends thought I was his best catch, I do fear that they'll compare the new girl to me and I will come out lacking. But there's nothing I can do about that. My uncle hated my ex and thinks the new guy I'm dating is much better, handsomer, smarter, etc., so it works both ways, and I'm fairly sure my ex doesn't care that he may be compared unfavorably to other guys I date. In fact, I think he probably expects it, since he dumped me.

 

Also, I have big boobs and wish they were smaller. It's an annoyance and I can't wear the shirts I want, so trust me, the grass is NOT always greener!

[Ampire]

ya agree with poster #2 - this is your imagination/fear running wild...

[icarus27]

Briella,

 

I must be one of the first men commenting on your thread.

 

I feel your sentiment, from a different angle, and I'm going to say some politically incorrect things here.

 

I was in a relationship with a white English girl. At the time of our break-up (I was 28, she nearly 23) she said I had done nothing wrong and yet the r'ship had to end, and this not-knowing was one of the things that had me in limbo for a long time. I have my suspicions that she is now in a r'ship with a black guy.

 

I live in the UK. The urban myth (and it is only a myth) is that white women get with black men for one reason - because they're meant to have larger than average peni*es.

 

While it's not politically correct to say so, I'm left wondering how the genuine care shown by me to her was not enough for her, and yet the thrill and fun of being with a trophy male-organ-on-legs is somehow better.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the level of the conversation down to the gutter - but you see it works both ways. In your hurt state of mind you overplay the notion that boobs are all that matter - and for me it's this thing.

 

It's heartening to hear the people supporting you by saying there is plenty else that men look for in a woman. I for one second that: a real man would appreciate much more about a woman than one part of her anatomy. I only wished women would cut men the same slack.

[jettison]

I understand what you're going through. The ego takes a hit when we're dumped, especially if, as in your case, we have little experience with others from our past to fall back on. So, you internalize everything, convince yourself that there is something wrong with you, and then wall yourself off a bit from letting others in. Then, when others don't come knocking on your door then it validates your thoughts of unworthiness.

 

In truth, if others don't come knocking then it's only because you're not letting them in. Your ex is with someone else simply because it was time for him to be with someone else. It's not a comment on you. You are as "good" or as worthy as you allow yourself to be. The more you accept yourself, the more others accept you. The more you reject yourself, the more others reject you.

 

The work to be done now is clear - accept yourself. Therapy, self-help books, lots of talking over your emotions with friends. There are many paths to take, but they usually start from within.

 

Rest assured, the odds are astronomical that these two will also break up. Perhaps she leaves him this time. Anything is possible, but the evidence is clear. When two people come together then, eventually, those people also come apart. The happy "till death do us part" of the equation is more and more rare these days.

[Briella]

Thanks guys. You are totally right about me not letting anyone else in. I'm just scared because I do feel unworthy because he was my first everything. I've had a guy texting me who is a nice person but i can't work up the courage to hang out with him because i don't want to be regected again. I have this fear of being intimate with someone cause I feel so flawed. I don't think there is anything completely wrong with me I just keep thinking, you're gonna say the wrong thing, he's not going to be attracted to you etc...

Gah. It's so frustrating.