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should I bother? I'm so confused


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Ok well here's the issue. My father left when I was around 2 and I haven't seen him since. It never really bothered me before. I have no memories of him. Now I'm 18 and I'm beginning to think that maybe it would be good to find out some things about that side of my family. Nothing big. Just some background information (medical history, do I have any half siblings, etc). But I'm conflicted about it.


A part of me feels like it would be a waste of time. Or perhaps a better way to say it is that I'm afraid of investing time into something that has little return. Also, why should I bother trying to speak to someone who obviously never wanted anything to do with me? I don't hate him or anything but I try to keep life as simple as possible. The another part of me thinks that we've had a pretty good arrangement. He's stayed out of my life and I've stayed out of his. Even asking a few little questions feels like it would be crossing the line.


So I guess what I'm asking is, are my reasons good enough? Or should I just leave it alone?

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I think it might be nice to find out what your father is about, and also practical in the ways that you mention (medical, etc.).


The thing is, you don't really know if he wanted nothing to do with you. It's easy to think that it was that cut and dry for him, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe he just hated himself and thought he was a bad guy that you'd be better off not knowing. Maybe he made some kind of promise to your mother. Maybe he isn't entirely mentally stable, who knows? I know those sound like negative things, but I say them only to point out that it's possible he wanted to contact you but was hesitant.


Also, you make a good point about potential half siblings. Perhaps they will end up being people worth knowing.


If I were you, I'd give this a try, and maybe find a therapist to help you sort it out emotionally while you're going through the process.

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