Why isn't my brother talking (and he hits too)

[yeawutever]

Ok so now he's 5 years old and gonna turn 6 on may 5. Mainly he communicates with few words he knows (only 4-8 single words), using gestures or when he screams in anger.

 

Almost always he directs his anger at me by kicking or punching, however he hits me or sometimes at my parents (but more to mom than dad). Again that annoys me is the laughing (laughing at nothing sometimes and if I try telling him to stop, he'll just laugh more).

 

Is he gonna ever talk or behave.

 

I was different when I was his current age. I was already talking (I started at almost 3 years old) and no, I didn't use to kick stuff or throw anger tantrums. Usually a raise tone of voice work and I didn't argue (unlike my brother he does).

[karvala]

Sorry if this is an obvious question, but has he been evaluated by a psychologist at all, and/or does he have any known conditions? Because if the answer to both of those is no, then he really should, and the sooner the better.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Sorry if this is an obvious question, but has he been evaluated by a psychologist at all, and/or does he have any known conditions? Because if the answer to both of those is no, then he really should, and the sooner the better.

 

Ditto, those sound like some behavioral issues and it needs to be addressed quickly.

[Pocket Rocket]

Have your parents sought a professional opinion about your brother's behaviour?He may be acting like this for many reasons I don't think anyone on here will have a definite answer as we have never met your brother or seen is behaviour first hand.

 

The younger brother of a friend of mine was also unable to say more than about 3 words in a recognizable language when he was younger (about your brother's age), anything else he said was just a made up 'baby' language. He had delayed language development and went to classes so they could work with him to bring him up to speed. Now he's 15 and is able to speak like anyone else his age, and this was only possible with the help of trained teachers and encouragement. He still struggles somewhat with learning difficulties but you wouldn't be aware of it unless you were working with him.

 

Here's a site that may help, lots of information on there:

 

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[watupgangsta]

i don't know much about it, but does this not sound like autism to anyone?

[yeawutever]

I'm wondering if your brother has been evaluated by a psychologist? I'm wondering if he's been tested for autism? If he hasn't, I would suggest this to your parents.

 

Yes and they found nothing wrong with his brain and he's not autism. In school, he would always follow instructions and there was no complain from teachers. I guess he also selective at the same time, he wouldn't he misbehave at school but yes at home or outside sometimes?

 

He was only found with speech delay and one teacher suggest to my mother that it might be jaw that's mess up.

[PixelPusher]

This is something that needs to be addressed by a doctor as it could be a learning disability. I certainly don't think it is "normal."

[Daligal83]

I'd get a second opinion from someone who will come into the home and observe his behavior there, not just at school.

[yeawutever]

This is something that needs to be addressed by a doctor as it could be a learning disability. I certainly don't think it is "normal."

 

I know but if so, then why hasn't any teacher complain about any learning disorder. See, at school, when he was told something (ex: staking a pile of blocks), he would do it correctly. The only thing teachers told us was his speech delay then nothing else.

[Pocket Rocket]

I agree with Daligal83, getting a professional to come around and observe him at home is a good idea. He may be responding to the family dynamic in the house or the way you all interact with each other and is 'acting out' as a result of those things. None of that is for sure unless you get someone to check this for you.

[yeawutever]

Ok so I just went to the website and I recall him being diagnosed with the speech delay problem of apraxia (don't really know what exactly is that).

[Pocket Rocket]

Ah, then you and your family need to do your homework on this condition because it fits in with your brother's behaviour and delayed language development:

 

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This site seems to have a lot of helpful resources on the subject:

 

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[qtbutterfly]

You should check and see if there is anything you can do for his speech delay and if his jaw is messed up...see if you can get it fixed or looked at? And maybe the tantrums is just a sign of his anger bc he can speak and maybe he might get teased at school for it so hes taking it out on yall...and the laughing thing...i think that only comes from being young.. all of my nephews did that when they was growing up

[Mythical_Suicide]

gtbutterfly was right on when she suggested getting him help for his speech delay and messed up jaw. My nephew who will be 6 next month had a speech delay and that would result in anger and tantrums because he would get so frustrated because he couldn't express himself in words and would just act out with the anger. As well as the laughing thing, he's a child.. They all do that for attention at some point or another! Just ignore him when he does it and he will stop

[girl friend]

I was different when I was his current age. I was already talking (I started at almost 3 years old) and no, I didn't use to kick stuff or throw anger tantrums. Usually a raise tone of voice work and I didn't argue (unlike my brother he does).

 

It stood out to me that you said this. Most children begin using words as toddlers, e.g. 9 months, and are joining words together by 18 months, and using grammar and full sentences by 2 years. You said you started talking just before you were 3. That is delayed also.

[Mythical_Suicide]

It stood out to me that you said this. Most children begin using words as toddlers, e.g. 9 months, and are joining words together by 18 months, and using grammar and full sentences by 2 years. You said you started talking just before you were 3. That is delayed also.

 

That is true, I didn't even see that part but I agree with Girl Friend if you weren't talking well until after you were 3 your speech was delayed as well.

 

My son who is not even three yet can carry on a full conversation with you and there isn't much that he CAN'T say and he has been doing this since before his 2nd birthday but at the same time, all kids mature and do things differently even brother and sister. (My brother was an angel child and never gave my parents any problems, I, on the other hand my parents always joked if I was born first my brother never would have been born I was just that bad growing up)

[JeckyllNHyde]

i don't know much about it, but does this not sound like autism to anyone?

 

Yea that's what I was thinking. Just wasn't sure and don't want to jump to conclusions.

[girl friend]

I just meant it could be a family thing and if you outgrew it ok he could. Or mb you were just mistaken about your own age of speech development ..

[winchester3]

I personally think it's because parents don't physically punish their children. Well that may have nothing to do with it in your brothers case. My 6 year old brother tells me daily how much he hates me. As we sit together in the morning watching cartoons before school, after school when i pick him up from his bus, during dinner, when i put him to bed. Someone needs to be the 'bad guy' and thats me for him. It might be the same with your little brother with regards to the hitting.

 

As for the speech delay, if he's communicating through his actions and gestures, it's not the comprehension thats an issue, just the verbal part. I'm sure he'll come around.

[Pocket Rocket]

I personally think it's because parents don't physically punish their children.

 

Speaking as a child who was brought up being beaten by my parents for punishment (and I'm not going to sugar coat it by saying it's 'physical punishment' - if you did those things to your spouse, even slapping, you would be prosecuted for it, doing it to a child is EVEN WORSE) consider yourself VERY FORTUNATE that you did not have to work through the years hate and resentment for your parents for what amounts to physical abuse. As a result of being physically punished be my parents I used to vent on my sister and make her life HELL, I was 10 years old and I was beating a 3 year old and that was a reaction to physical punishment I was receiving from my parents my life was HELL as a kid, I'm 22 now and I'm still having to pick up the pieces, and I didn't even receive what they called "the worst kind of punishment" which is what both of them received as children - reasons, not justifications, just as my pain and fear were reasons for doing what I did to my sister, not justifications.

 

Even when they punished me for 'punishing' my sister I didn't stop until years later when they had to ESCALATE the physical punishment to make me stop. And it almost always escalates, I never had one bruise on my body, they never used objects but the pain went beyond physical. There are so many ways to discipline a child to let them learn, I learned nothing from physical punishment only that if I made mom or dad mad = pain, and it DIDN'T stop me from going completely off the rails when I reached my teen years, I became every parent's worst nightmare - yes mom and dad frightened me but I was so pushed to the end of my limit I didn't care about the consequences. I had to wake up and teach myself discipline all over again once I left home because I learned nothing from that method - only shame, low self worth, guilt and deep seething resentment that I'm still having to work on at this age and will take years to get rid of completely.

 

I suggest you take a good long look at this site because almost every point that's on there rings true of my life and I believe it is true of all children who were beaten by their parents, DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR CHILD,

 

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[Mythical_Suicide]

I personally think it's because parents don't physically punish their children.

 

 

No, that has nothing to do with most kids acting out. Most of the time when kids that age act out it is their way of getting attention and when you punish them, it's giving them attention but the WRONG kind of attention and it's really harsh to a child. Punishing them for doing something wrong is one thing but acting out just for attention isn't wrong, it's the only way some know how to get the attention that they need.

 

Atleast I know with my son, if I get busy doing something that is usually when he acts out the worst. Once I pay him more attention he calms down, if I spank him for doing whatever he usually just does it more for more attention. Saying and believing something is totally different when you actually have kids and deal with it. You can say that now but once you have a child of your own you will probably change your views.

[winchester3]

Very valid points to the above 2 posts. Heres where i come from on this. I grew up in a poorer neighbor hood where your neighbors wouldn't even hesitate to give you a spanking. Every kid in my neighborhood respected their parents, weather it was out of fear or not i can't speak for everyone. We recently moved to a neighborhood where no one would lay a hand on their kids. The people my age I've met are the most disrespectful people i have ever met. Kids bossing around and controlling them. For example my friend wanted some booze for a get together i was invited to. He asks his mom to buy him some booze, she says no. "F*ck you, bit*h, buy me that booze, do this for me, do that for me, you live for me parents". Thats just one example, approximately every 4/5 kids in this neighborhood have that mentality towards their parents and elders. How do i know these their parents never touched them? I went to school with these kids and am friends with most of them, we talk, i asked. In your parents generation they never would have treated their elders with such disrespect. Why? Better values, better life lessons or was it the spankings?

 

You swear at your mom and she gives you a nice spanking or a slap. It's not the physical punishment that is meant to teach you things, it's the message that it reinforces. "You treat your parents with respect, for this, this and that" reinforced with a spanking. I got it all when i was younger, belt, wooden spoon, spanking on the bottom, the worst was getting slapped on the face though.

 

In your case there was abuse Pocket Rocket and that should never happen. However there is a line between punishment and abuse. It's a parents job as how to deal with the acting out for attention, a good way for this is to let them play with their friends, kids require a lot of attention, time and effort.

[Daligal83]

Spanking is not the only way to instill respect in a child. I was never, ever spanked growing up. I also knew that it was unacceptable to swear even around my parents, let alone at them. Did I have my bratty moments? Of course...what teenage girl doesn't. But I was a respectful, loving child who appreciated what my parents did for me, and still do. My parents taught me this by leading through example and talking to me when I was not behaving appropriately. They didn't enable me or baby me (well not too much) and I learned how to treat other people from them. I strongly believe that if you can find a non-physical way to discipline your child and teach them respect, it should be used. I just don't see what a child learns from being spanked, except fear. It's like the parents who see their child hit someone, and then hit them saying "don't hit!" What is the child learning?

[Mythical_Suicide]

I couldn't agree more!

I spank my son but only as a last resort when nothing else works and he is doing something endangering himself or others.

[yeawutever]

You swear at your mom and she gives you a nice spanking or a slap. It's not the physical punishment that is meant to teach you things, it's the message that it reinforces. "You treat your parents with respect, for this, this and that" reinforced with a spanking. I got it all when i was younger, belt, wooden spoon, spanking on the bottom, the worst was getting slapped on the face though.

 

In your case there was abuse Pocket Rocket and that should never happen. However there is a line between punishment and abuse. It's a parents job as how to deal with the acting out for attention, a good way for this is to let them play with their friends, kids require a lot of attention, time and effort.

 

I used to swear at my mother when I was like 8-4 years younger and then once I spit at her face. Last year it escalade to me hitting her in an argument. As for when I decided to changed, it was the guilt within me. The inner voice that told me ''What on earth have you done, she's your mom''. So ok now if I were to get into an argument I'll either make my points with a calmer voice or walk away.

 

As a teenage I don't think spanking would have worked out on me since it stopped once I was 6 or 7 years (it wasn't done that much and usually it was me getting scold) then it was either dad's tone of voice (which would sometimes make me cry) or losing privileges.