how to convince women you want friendship?

[Rattatou]

So, I live in an "party" environment where it seems that the best places to meet women are at bars, pool halls, late night Mexican restaurants, etcera.

As a single guy, it seems that I have a huge wall to climb because I'm new, don't have any friends and many of these social places are very group-orientated.

 

I've already tried out the social activities that aren't group-orientated like a capoeira class, salsa class, volunteering, but unfortunately my age group (20s) is underrepresented. Instead, I talk to (and have gotten hit on! by) 40-50 year-old women.

 

 

So that's out. Cafes are out as well, because everyone is self-absorbed in their book, studies, iPhone, soon to be Air Macbook...you know.

 

One co-worker told me that he likes to go up to girls (by himself) and talk to them at the bars, and that's how he usually joins social groups. And then from there they do whatever...parties, ski trips, going to the movies, and so on. I went to a craigslist forum and I got the same response from a poster: "I met most of my friends at bars."

 

I'm willing to give this a try, but what are the ways I can let a girl know that I'm not interested in sex? That's why many guys get rejected by women at bars or parties. If you go up to a group of women, they will not pay any attention to you UNLESS one of them happens to already know you.

It's that group vs. individual sort of thing.

Or, if they don't reject you outright, most will think "this guy's only looking for sex" and they will be automatically defensive.

 

Any suggestions?

[Lucy_lou]

I feel for you Rattatou, I have the same problem of guys misconstrewing my friendliness for looking for more.

 

If there's really no where you can go that doesn't have that party vibe, then the only advice I can think of is to go to these places, but to present yourself in ways that might show you're not trying to make yourself sexually attractive to them... One way (the patient way) would be to go to these places, become a bit of a local bar fly, talk to them (if you can get to that point to begin with) about stuff other than you or them, e.g. politics, and just keep doing that until people become used to you. Then maybe they'll get curious about you and want to talk more and it will go from there. Talking about yourselves is interesting, but it reeks of pre dating behaviour (sizing one another up), if the conversation doesn't involve sizing one another up, but simply chewing the fat, then it's less likely to get the rejection response. Ask them what they think about certain things, but don't ask specifically about them (yet).... anyway, just a suggestion.

[qtbutterfly]

Well maybe SOME women will think that but not all of them. When you talk to a female make sure you make eye contact and not boob contact. Dont studder speak clear. Seem like a fun person not a boring person (like actually have some interesting to talk about) dont be nervous show confidence. Smile!!!! And be respectful not all women will think your just talking to them for sex. some might but not all of them

[Madoc]

Well maybe SOME women will think that but not all of them. When you talk to a female make sure you make eye contact and not boob contact. Dont studder speak clear. Seem like a fun person not a boring person (like actually have some interesting to talk about) dont be nervous show confidence. Smile!!!! And be respectful not all women will think your just talking to them for sex. some might but not all of them

 

I agree but even someguys like me will still make eye contact to a woman and not look down

 

Id say just tread her like well any of your other friends you know, I do it all the time and most of my friends are women. Just don't show any interest in that way and you should be fine.

[Batya33]

Volunteer work, hiking, yoga class, community theater.

[Gratsy]

Women at your job...Women who go to your church...

[Dating Coach]

I'm willing to give this a try, but what are the ways I can let a girl know that I'm not interested in sex? That's why many guys get rejected by women at bars or parties. If you go up to a group of women, they will not pay any attention to you UNLESS one of them happens to already know you.

It's that group vs. individual sort of thing.

Or, if they don't reject you outright, most will think "this guy's only looking for sex" and they will be automatically defensive.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Rattatou, are you suggesting that you are going to go to bars and meet just any woman you can find and try to be friends with her social group? Or are you suggesting that you hope to go up to a beautiful woman/women and get into their social group? Because if you are doing what I think you (or any normal guy) are doing, you're looking to approach an attractive woman in order to get into the social group... because they are attractive, right? I can't help but suspect that because why would you be fretting over them thinking you're attracted or not if it was just some random girl you didn't find attractive?

 

And what is the purpose behind this? Just to have a new circle of friends or to find a partner? Or both?