Galaxie Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 hello, I have a hard time making friends and it seems like all guys want me for is sex. I have a hard time keeping friends because when we go out in clubs i get most of the attention. i even tried dressing differently a few times so that I wouldn't get noticed so much. i consider myself to just be a average girl. I have people coming up to me all the time telling me how beautiful i am and alot of guys tell me I look like Jennifer Nettles ( lead singer for Sugarland). I find that its really hard for me to keep a boyfriend because when my boyfriend and i go out I have alot of guys flirting with me. Usually the guys i date become controlling and make me stay home alot. I know I wouldn"t want to be with a guy who was really good looking because it would make me feel insecure. i also have alot of problems with guys just wanting me for sex. I want people to like me for whats on the inside not whats on the outside. i just don't know quite how to do that. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 it is the cross you must bear Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 send me naked pics and i will tell you. lol but this is true. some women are intimidating because of their looks. to me? no. but some guys can't handle being with a woman that is very attractive. they either hate the attention or are scared people will think 'why is she with him?' Link to comment
Myk_ Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 This isn't your problem, its the guys you dates problems! If they are so insecure and lack self-respect as to become like this, drop them. Stick to your guns, hold your head high. You don't need people with them problems in your life. If I was with a girl who was stunning, I wouldnt get worked up over it. At the end of the day, she'd be with me. She hasnt given me any reason to doubt her, so why should I? But the moment she done something that showed a lack of respect, it's goodbye. It works the same both ways. I don't see why you should dress down when you go out. Be proud of what you have, dress how you want, whichever way makes you feel happy. If girls react in a jealous way, sod them, theyre pathetic. You don't need their approval, and you most certainly don't need them in your life. Even as a bloke, when I go out I love to look as good as I can. It gives my confidence a boost, and I generally feel better. If someone had a problem, they can go elsewhere. My life, not theirs. Basically, No, I don't think your good looks could be a problem to you, only to other people. And people with that problem aren't worth worrying about. Link to comment
rocio Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 If men are just using you for sex and your boyfriends are controlling, then the problem is not your looks. It has more to do with your approach to dating and the respect you have for yourself. Link to comment
m12988 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Do you dress in revealing clothes? How old are you? The way you act and dress and the people you hang out with greatly can influence the way people treat you. There are millions and millions and millions of beautiful people in this world, no, there is no such thing as being too good looking. Its the attitude you have that attract the bad guys who only want sex. There are butt-ugly girls that may dress in revealing clothes and act sexual towards men, and still get sex comments. I know very many beautiful women who have nice boyfriends/husbands, and I used to get hit on for sex too, i'm by no means bad looking at all, but i found a very nice man who respects me and loves me for who I am, not how i look. You can find one too, you just need to make sure you're hanging around the right kind of guys. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Gosh I really don't think that's your problem. Needless to say I don't know you very well, so I may be off base, but here are a few ideas. 1 - Are you sure you're humble about your appearance? You seem very focused on the amount of attention your looks get ... maybe your friends are feeling that and resent you for it. True, they might be jealous, in which case you can probably also build more lasting friendships if you spend more time doing activities that bond you and allow you to get to know each other - and perhaps that don't involve dressing up and men. Suggestions: something outdoorsy/athletic, trying a new cuisine together, "girls night in", getting pedicures together, movies and coffee ... 2 - Where are you meeting your boyfriends and what kind of attitude do you project? Meeting a man in a "meatmarket" (I really don't mean it that negatively, can't think of another word) kind of place - bar, nightclub - means there will probably be a higher proportion of men there who ARE just in it for the sex. I would also examine the way you dress - you SHOULD be allowed to wear whatever you want - but some clothes send different messages than others. In my opinion, it's possible to look both sexy without looking like you want sex, you know what I mean? I also think if you seek out men in other places - where you might have something in common - you might avoid those who are just looking for a trophy girlfriend. Again, maybe this is way off, and I don't mean to offend. I know a lot of beautiful girls, and while unwanted attention is part of the deal, not as much as you describe in your post. You mention you're sometimes insecure - are you sure you're not attracting attention to build yourself up? Link to comment
Tethys Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I am no princess or the all-American girl, but I get hit on constantly. It's really annoying. But, I have never been with a man who tried to control me or what I wear. If this is happening to you, you seriously need to rethink the relationship, the guy, or your methods of dating. Best of luck! Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 If men are just using you for sex and your boyfriends are controlling, then the problem is not your looks. It has more to do with your approach to dating and the respect you have for yourself. Thats kind of true. Also, there are some girls who send out sex signals a lot b/c they want attention. If you want attention...it comes in general which means the sleazy guys as well as the other guys. If you're willing to wait for someone who is interested in you...don't try to get so much attention...wait for someone who has actual conversations with you. Women who love attention tend to dress somewhat provactively, act sex kittenish, overfocus on looks, wear lots of make up etc Sometimes if a woman is beautiful, she'll just get men hitting on her anyways. Thats why some beautiful women are intimidating b/c they don't put up with crap from sleazy guys. And also why some are spoiled. Link to comment
richmonder80 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 It is a superficial world we live in....you just have to deal with it...nothing that you can do. Also as one poster said, if all that guys want from you is sex, than there must be some sort of aspect or vibe you are giving out to get those type of attention or drawing guys that are like that. Link to comment
m12988 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 If men are just using you for sex and your boyfriends are controlling, then the problem is not your looks. It has more to do with your approach to dating and the respect you have for yourself. exactly. I agree with all of the posters. You are obviously around the wrong crowd of people. If you are trying to pick up people at bars (not everyone who comes from bars is bad, but i'm just saying a lot of them can be) and strip clubs, maybe you need to go elsewhere to find a man who will respect you as well as himself. Link to comment
blueyes85 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 You have to figure out how *some* guys work. I get complimented all the time too by random guys, and 99% of the time I assume they are just trying to get laid, and ignore them. "You're beautiful" is an easy thing to say and players will say it to anyone. When people use it as an opening line, it makes me suspicious. If the first thing a stranger says to me is "Hello gorgeous" or "You are HOT" or anything like that, I smile and say thank you and walk away. The only lasting relationships I have ever had are with men who have more to offer in a first conversation than a shallow compliment. Most genuine guys wouldn't be completely comfortable with walking upto a complete stranger they found attractive and complimenting her physical appearance. Wait for the guy that comes up to you and says "Hello there. What's your name? Where are you from?" or something like that, and doesn't barrage you with superficial compliments. Then you might start encountering men who don't just want sex. As far as boyfriends "not letting you go out"---what? Last time I checked nobody can make you do anything. Your boyfriends don't "not let" you go out; you choose to stay in to appease their insecurities, and that's your mistake. My boyfriends used to be like that when i was younger---like 18. Are you/the guys you date pretty young? Eventually I grew up and stopped letting people boss me around. You will be treated however you LET people treat you. I doubt that the reason you can't keep friends is because you are "too good looking." My friends and I are pretty good looking, but some of us get more attention than others, and nobody minds. Maybe it's the attitude you are projecting, maybe without even realizing it. You seem to think you are better than your friends. Your ego might need to be brought down a peg or two. No offense, that's just how you came accross in your post. And if you think guys just want you for sex, don't sleep with them. It's that simple. Link to comment
chokidea Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 hi there. i couldnt have said it much different than what blueyes85 has worded it, very sound advice if you ask me. there are plenty of decent guys out there its just a matter of finding the right one, but maybe youll find him a in a place you least expect it. and take your time dont rush in, theres pleany of time for sex get to know rhem first and if they liked you enough they will wait. Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Don't get me wrong, but are you maybe insecure? I ask that because if you're having confidence you won't attract guys who are insecure and want you to stay at home and you wouldn't attract guys who want sex only. maybe it's not the looks - maybe it's the vibe you're giving. Being insecure gives "you're an easy target" vibe. Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Don't get me wrong, but are you maybe insecure? I ask that because if you're having confidence you won't attract guys who are insecure and want you to stay at home and you wouldn't attract guys who want sex only. maybe it's not the looks - maybe it's the vibe you're giving. Being insecure gives that vibe you're an easy target. thats kinda what it sounds like Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Like Ken Shamrock said, you have to want to take the center fo the ring. Learn ot use your gifts to work for you. Be merciless in rejection of guys flirting and learn to feel comfortable with that. Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 might be intimidating but you get over it......then you find out they are intimidated by you (has happened to me) Link to comment
EQD Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 i think this is more a matter of presenting yourself in the wrong light.. not so much being attractive.. and dating insecure guys. If you were intimidating you wouldnt be very approachable.. but it seems like you are too approachable, Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 some women have told me i'm intimidating. at times i do think i could look mean, but i'm a really nice person. some girls told me that they wouldn't have approached me cause they think my looks make me a player or a jerk. Link to comment
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 some women have told me i'm intimidating. at times i do think i could look mean, but i'm a really nice person. some girls told me that they wouldn't have approached me cause they think my looks make me a player or a jerk. how sweet i usually get told i look like a mean, self indulgant, conceited, ***hole i think its the braids and the hats and skull caps not many women approach w/o thinking twice, like the girl over the summer, must have took her 2 days to muster up the courage to approach me how sweet on her end. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 some women have told me i'm intimidating. at times i do think i could look mean, but i'm a really nice person. some girls told me that they wouldn't have approached me cause they think my looks make me a player or a jerk. ..so knowing this she should attempt to look like a jerk.. right ghost? i think.. lol Link to comment
rocio Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I'm curious to hear galaxy's reaction to this. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 ..so knowing this she should attempt to look like a jerk.. right ghost? i think.. lol not at all. i'm just explaining it goes both way. for guys and girls. that's why i'm saying being 'too good looking' can have it's downfall. i've hit on women that said they wanted to talk to me and i find this out. then i talk further and they like 'he really is a jerk.' haha, jk. they say i'm really nice and down to earth. they are usually pretty amazed. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 not at all. i'm just explaining it goes both way. for guys and girls. that's why i'm saying being 'too good looking' can have it's downfall. i've hit on women that said they wanted to talk to me and i find this out. then i talk further and they like 'he really is a jerk.' haha, jk. they say i'm really nice and down to earth. they are usually pretty amazed. The OP's problem is that she is being approached way too often.. and on a sidenote she is hooking up with guys who have a tendency to become controlling and abusive. This has nothing to do with her intimidating guys. If she was intimidating then they wouldnt be flocking all over her. When i don't want to be approached i know just how to act defense mechanism during the "happily single years" lol Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yeah, the fact you're good looking doesn't mean you're going to be approached by guys all the time and that they want sex only. Doesn't go that way. If they approach a lot that means you look like an easy target to them. I am guessing you don't dress in a way to look cheap so I am thinking you're giving "i'm insecure and easy target" vibe. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.