Am I jeopardizing my future?

[Myth]

I hope someone can give me a different perspective on this...mine is too biased.

 

I'm in a career field that I absolutely love-- one that I've put many long hours into.

 

Despite my age (and gender--I'm in a field that is not exactly female-friendly), I've advanced quickly over the past few years, and am convinced that I'll be even more successful in the future.

 

My significant other is in a completely different field--which is fine--but he lacks ambition. Also, he's communicated to me that the relationship will basically be over if I accept a position which will take me overseas for 2-3 months at a time. The position in question would be a fantastic opportunity, literally a once in a lifetime deal...

 

If I don't take it, it could take several years to reach the level which this position offers...

 

If I take it--my relationship is over.

 

I'm afraid I'll resent my sig. other in the future-- especially since he's been getting less supportive the further I advance (No, it's not a money thing-- he still makes a good deal more than me).

 

I'm completely passionate about my line of work, and have always wanted to enter the field...but I'm afraid I'll never find someone else like my sig. other (I DO love him)

 

Should I just work on compromising?

 

Or just give up?

[Clementine orange]

It doesn't sound like he is doing much compromising so why should you.

It might be helpful with the advice if you told us your age and how long (and/or serious) your relationship is.

 

I know I would resent a partner that held me back in my career. If my partner (if I actually had one) wanted to go overseas then I'd want to go with - to explore another culture etc. However, I'm an adventurer.

 

Relationships come and go (as we can all atest to here on ENA) whereas and good career can last a lifetime. However, a career won't cuddle with you at night either.

 

Tough decision.

[RelaxByWater84]

I think you should go for the position, it will look great on your resume if you have to get another job in your field. I would take the position so you have the experience of living in another country.

[Ben Bax]

If he really cared about you, your happiness and your goals in life then he would support you in making such a big step up the ladder

Laying an ultimatum of 'me or the job' is just for his own selfish reasons

 

Why has he said 'the job or me' ? What's his argument for that?

[Myth]

In response to Clementine, I'm 24, I've been with my Sig. Other for two years, and I "thought" it was serious.

 

In response to Ben Bax...

His rationale for his ultimatum is that he wants a family, etc. (he's 31), and my taking a career so seriously won't really facilitate that...

[ghost69]

he's either jealous or he doesn't really care much about staying with you.

 

and if he wants a family, more money and opportunity for it would be best. you've only been together for 2 years. you still have a lot of life ahead of you. somebody who really loves you wouldn't bring you down like that. especially not with a job choice of a lifetime.

[havefaith]

When my boyfriend got into an incredible university 1,000 miles away, I didn't bat a lash. I didn't even think about not being with him - let alone asking him to stay behind and go to school close to home with me!

 

I loved him, that's why I felt that way. I loved him enough to feel like I would be content just knowing he was mine, even if he was 1,000 miles away.

 

True love doesn't hold the other one down. I'm sorry.

 

Perhaps he is just blowing hot air and he's nervous about missing you. Maybe if it really happened, he'd be whistling another tune.

 

Just take the position and leave the rest to God or fate or what have you.

[lonelygemini]

Think long and hard about this decision. The relationship is important, but your career is too.

 

My story: During my last year of college I was dating someone. He was older and had lived his life and wanted to start a family. Like your SO, he had a decent job but wasn’t that ambitious anymore. For me to have a great start with a corporate entity, I knew I had to move to the Northeast or Midwest. However, my bf didn’t want to leave Florida and could possibly make an exception for California. Let me tell you, it’s hell trying to find a job accross the country, and I didn’t have enough experience to get a good job in a corporate satellite office in Florida. So I ended up graduating with no job.

 

I ended up working for the State of Florida. It was livable pay and nice benefits and hours, but I knew it wouldn’t help me with my career path. I was wondering if I had made the right decision, and the answer became very clear after a year at my job: Not really.

 

See, my bf ended up moving back to his hometown. He only gave me a month’s notice. He would making more money (because he knew folks at the place), but I wouldn’t have had the same opportunity in my field in that town. After 3 months of a LDR, I broke it off with him. I was alone and miserable in Florida. I moved back home to the Midwest and I have a job—at the level and making as much money as a recent grad. I felt like I had to start all over again.

 

I feel that if this is a rare opportunity to advance your career, and if that career is important to you, then I would take the opportunity. In my case, the irony is that I turned down job opportunities in order to save my relationship, but he jumped at the chance to make more money and be where he wanted to be without consulting me.