ccpjc Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 well as the title says, tonight was my final farewell to the most amazing girl i had ever met. she was the best part of my life, she was absolutely everything to me. i thought 2+ weeks of NC might have changed her mind but i guess i was wrong. i had to give her stuff back cause i couldn't look at it anymore, plus i had to get my car stuff back from her. i honestly have never felt like this before. i don't even know how i feel. we talked for a bit, i asked her again what happened and she said she didn't know, just that all the fights we had and stuff. she also said that we aren't right for each other. i asked her if she ever loved me and she said she did, but not anymore, i asked her to be honest if she misses me. she said how is that going to make a difference, and why does it matter, i said it was cause i needed to know. to help me move on and stop wondering. she said theres times where she really misses me. we ended everything with a hug and a goodbye, she went back inside her house and i went into my car where i just cried and cried. im sitting at my friends house right now, i have the biggest headache i have ever had. i think the best way to describe how i feel is like a zombie, all i can do is sit here and stare, my friend talks to me and i cant really hear anything he tells me. i feel like my head is about to crack open. never have i felt this ??? i dont even know how to describe it, before... i will never find anyone like her again, its all my fault that we broke up, if i had just been stronger. didn't make a big deal about some things... i knew we were over weeks ago but i think now it has finally hit me. i want to cry but i can't, i can barely type this.. i honestly hope that i goto sleep tonight and never wake up Link to comment
poohkins Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 You have come to the right place. There are MANY people here who can relate to what you're going through right now. Hang in there, you're not alone. Link to comment
JohnnyxHorror Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 It hurts now, but eventually you'll feel better. I'd suggest what people told me, just keep your self busy.. it wont make you think about it as much. Just try to have fun and not let it all get to you. Link to comment
loveistough Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I'm sorry you're hurting. Hang in there! Link to comment
jdubs Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I don't expect you to feel like you can believe this right now, but you need to hear it anyway... YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. There are sooo many on here who have been exactly where you are right now.. I know that doesn't make it any less painful, but you have to hang in there. I also know that you don't want to hear this right now either, but YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN. Everything happens for a reason, I know it sucks, it sucks, it sucks.... Lean on your friends, your family, anyone but her. You can't get help from the one who is hurting you. Get mad if you need to, scream into your pillow, let it out without hurting anyone else or yourself if you can... Keep posting... let it out. We are here for you. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 The crying is good. When you have cried enough, you will start feeling better. I probably say this a lot, but remember that crying is the hard-wired into our bodies, by-design way of dealing with overwhelming emotions. The tears will stop, I promise. I have been there at least twice now. It was so hard. Someday soon you will start feeling like it's spring in your life. It is sad that your relationship is ending. And so hard to get through. Especially when you feel it was your fault. But you are going to be ok. Go to sleep. You will feel better in the morning. Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 It happens to many. Girls break hearts. That is how it is. Some argue that all is change, and stasis but mere illusion. It is an intense feeling. Maybe philosophy will help, if the rest of your life becomes a dream. "A Faint Illumination" by Fragments of unbecoming Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 like i have said in my other threads, i have been through break ups before, the one previous to this one was 3 years. but i don't understand how i am so much more hurt with this one... not even 8 months and im completely destroyed.. i can't even cry, i want to but i just can't. everytime im about to cry it just stops. i can't even be coherent anymore, nothing i type seems to make sense, i can't even think, my mind is just ______ but when i do think, its nothing but memory after memory.. i wish i was as strong as her, i feel pathetic and weak, stupid and disgusting. i hate my life, i wish i was never born. i took some sleeping pills, maybe that will do the trick Link to comment
Sickboy48 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 like i have said in my other threads, i have been through break ups before, the one previous to this one was 3 years. but i don't understand how i am so much more hurt with this one... not even 8 months and im completely destroyed.. i can't even cry, i want to but i just can't. everytime im about to cry it just stops. i can't even be coherent anymore, nothing i type seems to make sense, i can't even think, my mind is just ______ but when i do think, its nothing but memory after memory.. i wish i was as strong as her, i feel pathetic and weak, stupid and disgusting. i hate my life, i wish i was never born. i took some sleeping pills, maybe that will do the trick Trust me, I know all too well how ya feel. Going through arough break up hurts, even more so when your ex handles it so well. Hang in there. I was a wreck for weeks but it does get better and you do move on. You have a great support system here and we all went through ti at some point. Hope you feel better. Link to comment
MorbidMetalHead87 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Okay ccpjc I hope you did not take to many pills!! I know how your feeling to BTW. My BF left me not long ago and I doubt right now that I will ever met anyone else like him again or even anyone better. But the truth is... I dunno What the future will bring, So how can I be so sure? And how can you be so sure? Everyone mets someone better. I mean always, everytime you lose someone it just means there is someone ten times better than that person out there for you. Link to comment
v-neck Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Okay ccpjc I hope you did not take to many pills!! I know how your feeling to BTW. My BF left me not long ago and I doubt right now that I will ever met anyone else like him again or even anyone better. But the truth is... I dunno What the future will bring, So how can I be so sure? And how can you be so sure? Everyone mets someone better. I mean always, everytime you lose someone it just means there is someone ten times better than that person out there for you. Right away a girl who wants to be with you and not just "stop" loving you is automatically better regardless of looks, intelligence, ect... Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Okay ccpjc I hope you did not take to many pills!! I know how your feeling to BTW. My BF left me not long ago and I doubt right now that I will ever met anyone else like him again or even anyone better. But the truth is... I dunno What the future will bring, So how can I be so sure? And how can you be so sure? Everyone mets someone better. I mean always, everytime you lose someone it just means there is someone ten times better than that person out there for you. That's really nice saying if you believe in it... I want to believe it so hard but it's not happening just yet. ccpjc: I felt like exactly like you bud... a week or 2 ago... ( i guess it's good thing i don't remembe exactly when) but it does get a little better after a week, and so on and so on. It's been 21 days for me now with out any communications with her and it's just eating me away. I know what you just went thru i went thru same thing... even worse for me i drove her to her damn state with all her things and everything. I knew that this was the end for us as a boyfriend/girlfriend thing the whole 14hour drive... I just wanted to turn around many times and not take her back there but it wouldn't solve anything. The thing that is so hard for you now, just like it was for me, is a shock that "there really is no way of us being together now". However, It will get better with every day... It will still hurt because you're not with her, but you'll get over it... I hope for both of our sakes we get over it. There is so much to life that it can't end with this girl... Just stay strong buddy. Robert Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 like i have said in my other threads, i have been through break ups before, the one previous to this one was 3 years. but i don't understand how i am so much more hurt with this one... not even 8 months and im completely destroyed.. i can't even cry, i want to but i just can't. everytime im about to cry it just stops. i can't even be coherent anymore, nothing i type seems to make sense, i can't even think, my mind is just ______ but when i do think, its nothing but memory after memory.. i wish i was as strong as her, i feel pathetic and weak, stupid and disgusting. i hate my life, i wish i was never born. i took some sleeping pills, maybe that will do the trick I know exactly what you're going through.I am just coming out of these emotions you are experiencing.I went through a month of being a zombie.I couldn't function,couldn't think,couldn't eat etc.I couldn't cry either,just like you.You are in a state of shock and awe.Only people who have been through this understand the sheer horror of the experience. I remember the first time I cried over her.It was 6 weeks after we finished.Only then,when the shock was gone could I let my true emotions come to the fore.This was my grieving period,and the beginning of my healing. From then on I started healing,started to let go and find acceptance. I am now over 3 months in NC and it does get better.I still have bad days but they are less frequent.Just try and look after yourself and in time you will return to normality.There is no set timeframe,but by going total No Contact you will definitely pick up the pieces and move on more quickly. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 the girl i thought i was going to marry, the perfect girl, the ying to my yang and now i rarely think of her and have no desire to date her even though she still calls me to "check in" Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 i can hear and read that i will get over her but i honestly don't think i ever will. i honestly think that i will forever search for a girl like her which i will never find again... i feel like im in some kind of trance, i dont know what to think i dont know how to feel or how to act. it seems like a dream and i just want to wake up but i know its not. the hardest part is my city isnt exactly that big, i live in calgary with a population of 1+ million but we go to the same places even have some of the same friends. its weird that we never met sooner. she is friends with a girl, that girl happens to be one of my bestfriends sister. we eat at the same places, club at the same places know a lot of the same people. its going to be so hard. i dont know how im going to do it i honestly dont i feel this void in my life, this emptiness. she was the best thing that ever happened to me.. and now its gone, shes gone shes gone Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 keep reading the many posts on the subject---this will pass Link to comment
1HelluvaGirl Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 ccpjc, There are a lot of people on this board that are hurting and in pain, and we are all at different stages of our healing process. Continue to read through these posts and get some comfort knowing that you are not alone (although I am sure that right now, you feel very alone in your sadness). I used to tell my friends that I could be surrounded by a million people but I felt like I was the only one left in the world -- that was how alone I felt at times. I know that right now it feels like it will never get better, but you have to have faith that it WILL get better. Pray, cry, watch stupid t.v. shows, talk to friends, exercise, sleep, eat good food...just take care of yourself right now. We are here for you. Link to comment
goldfish box Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I recently felt the way you did; and trust me, it gets better. I know everyone says it all the time and you just want to scream "HOW!?" but they do get better. At one point, I just literally felt like there was nothing to look forward to and everytime I would think about how he's not mine anymore, it made me feel like I was going crazy and it hurt SO bad. but now I can think about him and just be grateful that I could ever feel so genuine and passionate about someone, and be proud. Link to comment
Torchbearer Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 As one who has experienced the disappointment of being dumped twice over the last two years I know exactly how you're feeling. Believe the posters on this forum when they tell you to stay busy and continue to live your life. Will this erase the feelings? no but it will help you get some periods of relief, which will aid in the healing process. I think each person heals at a different rate but it truthfully took me about six months for each. I won't bore you with details of mine. I know how you feel though. Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Well I'm not all into reincarnation. But if it is a closed universe, and particles randomly do whatever they do and arrange and stuff (mechanism) and there has been an infinite amount of time before this moment, then you have already lived this out in every possible variation. It is so hardcore I almost wanna be hindu and believe in reincarnation. Link to comment
astrobaby Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 You sound exactly like me after my break up in april. even down to the fact that whilst my previous relationaship was 5 years long, it was this last one that was far shorter that devastated me. she was everything to me. the sun in my sky. the most special person i'd ever met. we loved eachother so completely and so passionately, as we had loved no other. it was beautiful, just perfect. but we broke up. i was a broken man, feeling as you do now. i've had some tough times in my life, but never have i felt so utterly wretched. believed it was all my fault, if only i'd been more like this or more like that or done this or said that. but as time went on i realised it wasn't all my fault, as will you. i truly believed i would never, ever find a love like that again. and i haven't yet, but it hasn't been very long really. but now i can logically reason that if there are 3 billion women in the world, its more likely than not that i will find it again. maybe even better. it is going to hurt like hell for some time my friend, i wont pretend otherwise. there's no pain like it. but, and i know you cant believe this now, it will end, you will smile again, and one day you will love again. i do still think about her, i do still miss her from time to time, and i know that deep down, i do still love her. but the storm has passed, and yours will to, i promise. Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 down i go again... these past couple days have been tough again. it seems like i have 1 day or maybe half a day where i feel ok and then the rest of the week im just done. i cant imagine her being with anyone else nor can i imagine being with anyone else. im trying my hardest to forget but the harder i try the more i remember. and the more i remember, the more down i get. and the more down i get the more i try to forget. ah what a vicious circle this is becoming Link to comment
astrobaby Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 It's going to be on your mind a lot fella, for quite some time. It's almost impossible to make yourself not think about it. You just gotta weather it, and do anything, however small, to comfort yourself and get yourself through the bad days. It's all about you now. I still can't stand the thought of my ex with someone else, the difference is for me, i've been where you are and am out the other side, so it's just not something that's on my mind anymore. But if i do think of it for some reason, well of course it still bothers me. And i also couldn't imagine being with anyone else. But that will pass in time. I've hooked up with a few girls and was dating someone for a while which was cool. It didn't work out, but it just proved to me there are other girls out there i can get on with and like in that way. It'll be the same for you eventually. Link to comment
ccpjc Posted January 19, 2008 Author Share Posted January 19, 2008 so these past couple days i haven't really posted, i thought i was starting to finally pick up a little bit. but last night was a different story, i joined Muay Thai as a stress relief, get back in shape, meet new people, have fun kinda thing.. anyways i've been doing that for the past week and it's made me feel pretty good about myself even tho i suck pretty bad at it. when i do muay thai its pretty much the only time where i don't think of her. last night i did MT and it also happened to be my friends bday, so after MT we all went out for dinner and back home for a house party. everything was going good until this morning, all night long i couldn't stop dreaming about her and everytime i did i woke up and thought about her and so on and so on.. i dunno what to think now, i feel so sad again and miss her like crazy again... Link to comment
Chibby33 Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 What we're all saying here may sound like a cliche, and I'm sure you've heard this many times, YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS...but only if you let yourself continue on living. I found this site 2 years ago because I, like so many of us, went through the exact same pain so much so that it even hurts to breathe but that's the secret...keep on breathing. The pain will go away. I woke up one day and all the pain was gone. Be grateful to have had her, but also acknowledge that we all have the gift of letting go and the power to say goodbye. Link to comment
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