Angry uncontrolable outbursts and hatred

[beckyfisher]

Hey I dont know what Im asking for on here. Im really disapointed with myself and I just feel like life isnt fair. Why did I have to be born with borderline along with a dozen other things that are wrong with me. Why me? Why do I have to have so many problems I cant live a normal life like everyone else I can never become responsible for myself I will probably never get a job, sometimes I feel like a useless case. Im filled with scars very deep scars from suicide attemps and my legs are full of scars from ripping my legs opened a year ago i had to get stitched and everything.

 

And I quit for a while but I find Im becoming more violent and aggressive everyday I have alot of problems controling my anger and yesterday I had an episode Kind of like I felt like I was in a never ending bad dream and I just wanted out.. I felt the need to kill someone to see blood so I started cutting my wrist with a piece of glass i found on the floor pertending i was cutting the person that angered me.

 

How on earth do I get my violence and aggression and angry outbursts under control its so hard for me.

 

Well you will all be glad to know that I quit Drinking alcohaul and I quit doing cocain now for 2 weeks!! I smoke almost everyday though marijuana although i dont see that as a problem I dont think my angry outbursts are coming from drugs because I quit most of them but Im scared to become unstable again I just want a normal life why did god have to **** me up so badly Im so ashamed of myself

Im thinking of becoming a satanist because I think I came from hell rather then one of god's creatures I have so much hatred in me and feelings of killing

Im scared one day because of my angry outbursts i will end up killing someone. I am too found of revenge. I steal sometimes too just because I like the thrill of stealing. I hope this wont discourage you from responding.

 

I really cant take these episodes of anger much longer, it is taking the best out of me making me scream at everyone making me look like i am mentally insane, my whole apartment thinks poorly of me and my boyfriend is thinking of leaving me for aggression and violence. (I can get a new one within 1 day however)

How do I live a life that is not risky and live a happy life i was living up to the point i was 17.

Thanks

[sweetharmony]

it's rough right now, are you in a DBT program? are you on medication right now? it's imperative that you seek professional advice for your emotional state. if you have insurance, you may benefit from going inpatient 30 day Dialectical behavioral therapy program that will help you deal with the behaviors assocaited and also give you mindfulness techniques for dealing with your anger. I am so sorry you are going through this. i know the pain inside is so unbearable that nothing seems to get rid of it. i don't have any more suggestions, but I'm here for you if you want to talk.

[girl friend]

Hey

 

Congratulations on stopping drinking and cocaine for so long btw, that is incredible! Well done! Keep it up.

 

It sounds like you feel you have got a lot of problems, and you want to be angry at someone, but anger never really helps. It actually makes things worse. IF you shout and hate and plot against the person/subject of your anger you will come away feeling more hatred rather than less. Its not healthy. Anger management therapy may help you to learn how to express your anger in ways which will help you to positively move on.

 

You may have a lot of problems, but you'll just have to keep on, and remember what an achievement things are for you because of all the strikes you have against you. Plod on as best you can and be proud of your achievements.

 

You said you are not at risk. Does that mean you are no longer with the abusive guy?

 

girl friend

[beckyfisher]

im still with the same guy yes but he's made a dramatic change and effort. He doesnt hit me anymore hasnt now for a month even though i hit him first he just walks away and it was his idea to stop cocain and drinking we both agreed seeing he almost died of an overdoses. Some things of him could improve he's still verbally abusive sometimes when he gets mad and hes still manipulative but thats what you get for dating a bipolar, hes not aggressive more assertive.

[girl friend]

im still with the same guy yes but he's made a dramatic change and effort. He doesnt hit me anymore hasnt now for a month even though i hit him first he just walks away and it was his idea to stop cocain and drinking we both agreed seeing he almost died of an overdoses. Some things of him could improve he's still verbally abusive sometimes when he gets mad and hes still manipulative but thats what you get for dating a bipolar, hes not aggressive more assertive.

 

So does he blame his behaviour on being bipolar? Because i can tell you a lot of people do that. Become the victim themselves, justify their behaviour, justify abuse and manipulation and adultery. But i also know of some people with disorders such as bipolar who can really turn it around into something positive, use the highs to help themselves, and protect those around them when they are in the lows, and do not use the high intelligence that comes with it to manipulate people. How old r u btw?