Ideas?

[Pavement]

Alright, so I'm one of those girls who are used to dating conceited intellectuals who only have time for themselves. After repeating this pattern one too many times, I found myself with a nice guy--a really thoughtful person.

 

Here's where the problem begins:

a.) We're complete opposites. I'm a pessimist, he's an optimist. I love reading and he loves sports. You get the point, right? We've been trying to indulge ourselves into each others lives--I went to a few games, he read a few books yadda yadda yadda. Basically I'm worried that we don't have enough in common--we can talk for hours about anything but we're definitely struggling to become incorporated in each others lives.

 

b.) He is so clingy. I like time to myself, and to balance time between him and friends and he can't seem to deal with not seeing me every second.

 

c.)He doesn't understand me. I like to pay for dinner sometimes, and he can't seem to handle this concept. He tries to totally support me and I feel like I should be cooking him dinner and changing my name to Betty Crocker.

 

d.)I'm mentally attracted to him to the nth degree. Half the time I have no problem being affectionate, I love kissing him and cuddling--then the next minute I wonder whether I'm making the right choice or not. There seems to be some hidden incentive to push away on certain days and I don't know why.

 

Anyway, I'm kind of wondering whether I am pulling away from him because I miss the thrill of the chase which is accompanied with a bad-boy. I also need someone a little more self sufficient, but I don't know whether risking the connection we have is worth it.

How do you decide what to do?

 

I really really like him. Oh and I've definitely addressed these concerns to him (I'm not the kind of girl who holds things back), but I don't think it's fair to ask someone to change themselves.

 

Maaaaan.

Any ideas?

[Angel_baby]

Opposites attract. But that doesn't mean it is doomed to fail.

 

Compromising will play a big part in your relationship. One day you will do something he likes, the next it will be your turn to do something you like. You will find a few things that you both like to do together after awhile.

Remember it is about enjoying each others company.

 

Having your own free time is vital in a relationship. Otherwise you will get smothered quickly. He may not feel like it but even he NEEDS some free time to himself. Whether it be hanging out with friends or just staying at the house and watching some tv.

 

Understanding each other takes time. I am quite sure there are some things you don't understand about him, right? Like the fact that you don't understand why HE wants to pay for dinner all the time.

 

And it is quite normal to question with whether you are putting your time and effort into this relationship for a reason. You will find that reason with some soul searching. Only you know the answer. None of us here can really say "stay" or "leave". Only you can.

 

My husband is the exact opposite of me, that is why I can relate to your post. Basically you just find things that you both enjoy doing together. There will be times you don't want to do something and time that he doesn't but I know that it isn't that important on "what" we are doing but more so with "who" we are spending time with.

 

Hope that helps you out

[Russ]

Oh lord. Thats... scary. Points A-C? That's me and my girlfriend. Im not exactly clingy, but it bothers me if we dont talk during the day. Im an optimist, and shes a pessimist. Etc. Exactly the same.

 

Anyways, back to your question. Don't worry about it. Let him adjust to you. You shouldn't have to worry about changing for him. I mean, Im adjusting to my girlfriend's dependance. If Im willing to do that for her, and our relationships are scarily similiar, Im willing to bet that the guy will change for you.

 

Remember, you can't change a guy. A guy will change for you if he cares about you though.

[Pavement]

I know that compromising is important, but where is the line between compromising and "changing" someone?

 

It's good to have someone who has an entirely different perspective than you, but at the same time it's completely frustrating when you never see eye to eye.

[Angel_baby]

Compromising: taking turns doing things that each other enjoy so you two can spend time with each other

 

Changing: Insisting that he likes and does the things you like. Telling him he has to change what he likes