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Met up with EX


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Ranting here. I honestly did not think that after his trying to change the date from the date I originally gave him (14th...today) to a time which suits him better. Guess what. He actually called and said "Today is the 14th".


A little update:

For the whole of last week I've been pretty much minding my own business after he, on Tuesday morning, texted to see if I was free to meet up with him on that day. I wasn't going anywhere to meet him if it wasn't the 14th. I told him I wasn't free and he went "Oh, you just don't wanna meet up with me. I'm not really free on Mondays". I just replied "OK". And I pretty much ignored him that week. He came on MSN and texted and on Thursday he went on MSN and said "I know you have no classes today, I do hope you can reply" I just replied "yes?" and he was like "don't do this to me.....don't be so mean....".


The next night he texted "Until when do you plan to ignore me?" So the next morning, saturday, I replied "Was busy last night. What's up?" His instant reply: Why ignore? I texted back "Wasn't ignoring. Anything you have to say?" His instant reply "I feel you're ignoring me. Seriously" I replied "Nothing important right? Have a nice day *smiley*" He replied after a few minutes "Sucky day" and after a few more minutes "Wanna say that you're still the best" (Yeah...he said that once, like, 3 weeks back)


That night he texted again "You free tonight cos I'm going to Gurney" (a shopping mall 10 minutes' walk away from my place). I was getting ready to go for dinner with friends so I replied "I already have plans" and he replied "You're just trying to ignore me"


An hour later, he texted our mutual friend, also his best friend:


Tonight free to go out for a game? Is it ok if I get back with LilBear? this idea ok?


And then he called today and said he would come pick me up..and arrived in under 15 minutes.


So he came and we drove practically in silence...thn he went "U mean, mean *nickname for me*"

I said I was not being mean, just busy


Then we reached the bakery we used to enjoy going to, he bought some food and a drink..and asked if there was anything I wanted to say to him.

I said no, has he anything to say to me.

He said "Wanna see if you're ok, and if you're fine". I said "Yes I am" Then he said "that's good"


He asked me if I was busy these days, I said yes...and he asked if I went to his best friend's father's funeral, and I said yes, and then asked if he went...he said no. And he talked about selling his old phone, and using a borrowed older one and he said "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" I ask him what he meant...he said he meant his old phone


Then he finished eating and he drove me home.

On the way, I said, "You asked me out for a drink just to ask me if I'm ok and fine?

Nnd he said, "Also wanna ask you why you're so mean to me"

I asked him "What do you mean by "mean"?"

he said "Why you're so slow to reply to my texts...very very slow..and why you ignore me on msn...and I know that you're there!"

I said "were you waiting around for me to reply?" he said no


Then he said "It seems you're better off without me"

I said "I might... maybe"

he said "You will be better off without me..cos i'm f***ed up"


I asked him "Are you ok? Is there anything you wanna tell me?"

He said "no...yes...depends what you mean by ok"

And he said "I won't be seeing you again for quite some time"

I just went "all right"


He sent me home. I said thanks and told him to have a nice day

he said "I mostly definitely will"


Then I texted him "Hope you're ok. Let me know if anything"

he reply "Oh yea...thx for the bank in" (money I owed him)

I said "You're welcome. Have a nice day =)"

He replied "Rather not bring you into it. Lousy life"


No mention of his girlfriend. And I find that, I'm no longer the mess I was in about 6 to 7 weeks ago. Have come a long way

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Well...you handled that extremely well.


Sometimes meeting up with an ex can be a revelation of sorts and reinforce why it's better the relationship is no more. Time is both a blessing and a curse in this regard.


It seems you were looking for something specific for him to say...an apology or him saying he wants you back?

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Yeah, well...from what he texted to his friend, I was.

But I wasn't keeping my fingers crossed. It's a major thing he's got to admit to. And his pride is only slightly larger than the Mount Everest. No big deal. I was happy before him and I will be after him.

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Wow, this guy is majorly troubled. I think he is right, you are better off without him. I bet he was hoping you would beg to be back with him so he could have his ego stroked, and when that didn't happen he was disappointed. He wanted your sympathy so he was playing games with you to elicit that sympathy. At least you didn't bite. If he really wanted you back he would be man enough to ask and not expect you to make declarations. This man is a coward and game player. At least you don't feel so badly now and you are moving on. You will never get anything positive from him because he is just looking for attention and ego strokes, not anything of substance.

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CAD, I didn't bite, didn't chase him, whatsoever. I just went and answered some of his questions, asked nothing about himself.


He might want me back. He might not. He did go as far as to ask his close friend's opinion on this matter. His friend didn't text him back yet, but they might be meeting up sometime this week, probably to discuss me, or not, I don't really care. Supposing he wants to get back together down the road, he needs to be man enough to let me know directly and I would be willing to try again, that is, supposing he is willing to majorly change some of his ways (such as his pride and ego). Else I won't give a hoot.

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CAD, I didn't bite, didn't chase him, whatsoever. I just went and answered some of his questions, asked nothing about himself.


He might want me back. He might not. He did go as far as to ask his close friend's opinion on this matter. His friend didn't text him back yet, but they might be meeting up sometime this week, probably to discuss me, or not, I don't really care. Supposing he wants to get back together down the road, he needs to be man enough to let me know directly and I would be willing to try again, that is, supposing he is willing to majorly change some of his ways (such as his pride and ego). Else I won't give a hoot.


That's the best way to think about this. I am not even quite sure why he needs to discuss this with his friend. Either he has ended his rebound relationship and wants to get back together with you or he has not ended it and just wants the comfort and ego boost of knowing you still care. Maybe he wants to talk to this friend just to pump him for information about where your head is at...but only for self-gratification and nothing more. He had a perfect opportunity to initiate reconciliation and all he did was give lame hints using the cell phone scenario, the sob stories about how he is in a bad way, blah, blah, blah. All manipulation tactics and games. Yeah, maybe he is in a bad way...but that is down to his actions, behaviours and attitude...you did not cause him to go down this road...he chose that road to go down and if he is that miserable, he has to pick himself up and change his actions, behaviours and attitude. It is like he just needs his fix for you to say you care and want to be with him, so then he can turn around and snub you yet again...and then you will ignore him once again and then he will once again try to guilt you into talking to him, meeting with him and then making declarations...wash, rinse, repeat. You deserve someone who is more together than that....someone who recognizes his mistakes, owns up to them, rectifies them, makes amends for them and chooses not to make those mistakes again and cause someone that much pain.

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Glad to see that someone else thought he was indicating something else with his cellphone scenario.


I did tell that friend, to by all means go see what he might have to say about me, see what he intends to do, if ever he brings it up (I doubt he will, unless he really has to, because, like we've established, he's too proud to let on what goes on in his head) but not to mention me and what I want.

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There's nothing much to read into a "you ok?" IM, is there?

Though he's the only one on my contact list who actually took it to mean that I wasn't ok and was the only one who actually asked if I was ok.

It also means that he's actually reading my msn personal message, perhaps all this while.


It was like he's thinking "hey, I have your best interests at heart" when he IMed


Well, it's kinda hard to see where he's coming from, if he's coming from anywhere at all. So the best is to still let him be.

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That was a BS answer. He probably didn't want to talk about it with his friend so he gave a lame excuse. Anyway, it is all irrelevant because your ex is not doing anything tangible to get back with you. He is just doing push pull games while at the same time he supposedly has a girlfriend (yep, that's a real winner of a relationship he has going!!). Forget about all his little contradictions. They are designed to make you feel hopeful one minute and frustrated the next minute...that is how he is getting his jollies...messing with your head. Pretty sick....but that is his sickness, not yours.

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all his behavior has nothing to do with you, it's all about HIM, yep, he's not emotionally repsonsible enough to step up to the plate and be a decent, loyal, mature, respectful guy and you are better off to let go and move on and grow way past this guys unhealthy pattern, do not allow yourself to play any part in his pattern any longer..


all his contact is about HIM, it's about HIS curiosity, HIS ego, HIS wanting to be sure he can still have some emotional effect on you... it's all about HIM.. so do not take anything he does or says personally, not in a negative or positive way.. because again it's all about HIM...


He plays that game of "you're being mean" because he does not want to be emotionally responsible and be in a girls life in a full and complete respectful mature way... he just wants to provoke a response, and when you don't reply quickly or you don't fall into HIS pattern he then plays another tactic of "blaming you" by saying "you're being me, you're ignoring me".. he's being a big baby..and it's all about HIM...


You're best to feel empowered now by NOT contacting him again, do not reply to any of his lame texts or IM's or emails.. and do not indulge his ego by even talking about him to one of his friends.. it doesn't matter what he says anymore, the only time what he has to say will matter is IF he ever has the courage, class, respect and maturity to make an intentional clear effort to express to you that he would like another chance.. and right now he is NOT saying that, he's playing curiosity games to see if you will satisfy his ego by reacting to HIS needs of ego and wanting to keep you "just being there' in case he might need some "ego supply"..ugh.. he is no longer worthy of your energy..


So next time you feel like saying anything to him, (I hope you don't and you just choose to grow past him and let it go) but if you do have any contact then you can clearly set some self respecting boundaries IF he contact you again, then you reply with a clear self respecting response such as:


"I will no longer reply to any of your attempts to contact me, if you want to describe it as "ignoring you or being mean" well that's up to you to define, I care for you but I am not interested in playing games, so please respect my request for no contact, do not respond to this email or contact me in any way unless you are wanting to intentionally make an effort to talk about us trying again as a couple. If you discover that is what you want, then I'd be willing to consider talking again. If not, then I wish you the best and hope you can understand and respect that I need to be moving on with my own life.

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I honestly can't believe you even met up with him and lilbear i honestly think a part of you enjoys this attention even tho it is very perverse attention.


And "thx for the bank in"...sounds like he was adamant about meeting you to get the money back you owed him. That is why you got the message he'd rather not bring you into his life. The 'lousy life' he added for pity.


I really can't believe you met up with him after all he puts you thru and how he treats you like a wash rag. I am thinking you are obviously getting something out of this. I hope you can build your confidence soon so that second hand attention from flea boy doesn't boost your ego at all. His little game of "you are mean to me" makes me want to vomit. Like blender said it is ALL ABOUT Him and has nothing at all to do with you. He is a seriously troubled person and you'd do yourself a serious favor by staying far away from him and cutting out all the IM's and texting as well. Far far away. He makes it painfully clear, can't get any clearer, that he is not leaving his g/f for you. This is all a game. A game of cat and mouse so that he can be satisfied he still has control over you and you let him know that in fact he sure does.

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You're going to grow way past this heartache LilBear, once you make a choice and a decision that you will no longer put any more energy into ANY guy who is not making an intentional respectful effort to clearly be in YOUR wonderful life... it's HIS loss, accept this as a fact and now you get busy with widening your own world and celebrate you... it's no longer him thinking of himself and you thinking of him too..ugh.. you tried, you tried, and now you need to take care of you.. your own precious loving heart deserves way better than the "crumbs' this guy is only capable of tossing, you deserve the whole cake, so let go, move on, hold your head up high, go one day at a time with NO contact, and try not to talk about him with anyone who talks to him and you start thinking about YOURSELF and all the amazing potential YOU have to give, to love and to share with thee RIGHT guy.. and once you start choosing to believe this self respecting way you will then attract a new healthy love into your life.

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I think blender's message is a great one except the part about contact me if and when you want to make an effort about being a couple again.


This guy is poison and I would hope you would not entertain being in a relationship with him again. YOu will never find your self esteem with someone like this even if he did decide he wanted to date again. And knowing him he'd only do that if this other girl dumps him first.


He is not a trustworthy guy at all.

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Five whole days, wow, you should be so proud of yourself, you are making a wise choice to be in control of your own life and to protect and cherish your heart.. this will lead to healing and soon a celebration of independence and a discovery that YOU and all YOUR dreams you "attached" to him, are really all YOURS and you take them with you moving forward to a better, happier, more independent fantastic YOU.


Give yourself some major credit, five days is amazing, and keep on going one day at a time.. letting go each day with a discovery that he is NOT who you 'hoped and thought" he could be and he is NO longer worthy of your energy..

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