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How to talk to my bf about where our relationship is headed


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Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and we have a good relationship. We see each other 3 times a week on average. We have never had a conversation about what our relationship is. He introdueces me to people as his girlfriend. I know most of his friends and he took me home for the holidays to meet his family. We are definitely in a monogamous relationship.


My question is about how to talk to him about where he sees things going and what he wants from the relationship. He's made several references to things we'll be doing in a couple of years so I think he's in it for the long haul. I think I am scared of bringing it up because I have been hurt twice by former boyfriends with whom I was in long term relationships. One of them ended abruptly after 4.5 years and I thought we were going to get married.


What's the best way to bring this up? Some more facts: we are both in our early 30's and want to get married at some point (but haven't talked about marriage to each other because it's too early for that).

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Hi There and Welcome,


To be honest I think it's a bit early to be questioning where the relationship is heading. The hints you are getting from him in the way of comments about things you may do in a couple of years are a pretty good indicator that he's interested in something long term with you, and you seem to know that he's interested in being married someday (as are you), and he calls you his girlfriend- so what exactly do you need from him right now in this early stage of the relationship that he isn't already giving you?


I would save those kinds of 'official' talks until you have been together for a year or so- if he doesn't bring it up first. I think to do so now would only put pressure on him at a time when you both should be enjoying things as they come. He's giving you positive signals, why not just enjoy them and relax?


Remember- you've been through a tough time with an ex but this guy is not your ex, he's a totally different guy and it's a totally different relationship... so don't make him pay the price for something he has nothing to do with.


Good luck!

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Hi there, I can completely understand what you are talking about here. I went through some insecurities with my current bf that were due to a couple of my exes. It was 3 months into our relationship and I started to feel so insecure because I feel I have finally found a great guy and I wondered if he felt the same way and if he felt we would be together for the long term.


I was so scared of asking him about it in case I scared him off. But I just came out with it, I asked him where he thought this was going and he said that he hoped it would be long term and that he feels really happy with me. And that settles my worries right down and I'm fine and we have been together 5 months now. So I think it would ease your mind if you just spoke to him about it, I'm sure it will go fine

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Oh the scary but inevitable where is this going kind of question… oy! You know, I don’t know why, but men get really freaked out when questioning your future with them… WHY? You are in a relationship just like anyone else, right? You want to have fun, spend time and get to know this woman that might be your future wife, or not, right? What else is the reason for dating then trying to find that special person who you can share your life with… right? Do men even think like that? If they do, they shouldn’t be so surprised when women want to know what’s up. Maybe it’s just because women DO share their feelings and emotions where men are considered not to feel that way or at least, speak it aloud.


You know what I would do? After five months, I think if fair for YOU to share with HIM where you think and where you want to go with the relationship. I mean, you can ask him, but he will probably just get scared. So, you can control you and what you feel and what you want~ why not share it with him. Think about how special he might feel when you romanticize him with your feelings, hopes and fears for the future… don’t go into details of your bridesmaid’s dresses (but you don’t sound like you would anyway) but kinda give him a status report on YOUR feelings. Maybe it will make him feel more comfortable in opening up to you. Just an idea.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I can relate to you... my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, we see eachother every single day... and he makes plans with me for the future, too. The only thing is... my boyfriend never wants to get married because he's worried about marriage hurting the relationship more and tearing us apart.

I wouldn't worry about asking your boyfriend where the relationship is heading... especially if he's hinting about being with you for a long period of time and you know he plans to get married at some point.

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