nostalgic again...

[Stinkweed]

Suddenly I wish I were younger, like 17-18. Cause back then I had more time, and more fun without even trying. Now I try hard, and it seems like I gotta try harder, and even then chances are I won't have either... Heck, even last year, even though I was already in college, I had more time... I wasn't on a constant state of alarm and stress, always trying to force myself to study and stop dreaming and thinking so much. I do like independence, and know that age is just a number (or is it?), but I lost many friendships and good relationships, and I guess independence is all I got in exchange.

 

I also miss getting along with my siblings. It's not like I fight with them, you know? But for instance my older siblings I see once in a blue moon. When I go home for a holiday, they're not even there most of the time, because, well, they have their life and their own holidays. My younger siblings are there, but they're teenagers now and would have nothing to do with their family. This one hit me hard when it happened, because I always used to get along so well with my younger siblings, like true friends who confide on each other. I pretty much don't trust anyone anymore, because I don't feel like confiding on people who wouldn't confide on me.

 

As for my parents, they probably wouldn't approve of many things I do... Not like I'm a criminal, and I don't drink, or smoke, or party like an animal. But I guess I'm not a bastion of maturity, ambition, and laboriousness, and that's probably my downfall in their eyes. I still hate school, and just wish so badly that I could go see a band play, or play on one myself if I knew more people. I had excellent grades last year, and kind of decent grades last semester (not what I'm used to getting, but I guess I'm not feeling unsatisfied, because I know how much effort, how much blood and sweat it took). If I hadn't done the things I did that weren't of the schoolwork category, I would've gone mad. I don't regret it...

 

So yeah, I miss how back then I had real friends I actually hung out with every now and then, and how I knew people, who even though they weren't truly friends, now I wish they had been, because I had more in common with them than I do with anyone I meet nowadays. I miss being an idealist rather than a pessimist (or should I say, realist)... I know I'll probably feel like this again in the future... There are many great persons on these forums, I know, but I still miss how for almost a year, I pretty much didn't log on because I guess I didn't really need to... and when I did log on it was to post "I think this girl might be interested, how do I approach her" on the dating and attraction forums and trivial (in my opinion...) things like that and helping other people, not just because I'm feeling down and scared of what the future might hold, or thinking that my life sucks right now.

 

It'd be kinda pointless to ask how I could I stop it, because I know life will keep getting harder. I guess it's more of a rant than anything. But maybe I could ask: How can I make now better? Make it better so that I don't have to think everything used to be SOOOO much better back then...

[capbit]

Umm you're 20. So two years ago?

Once you get into college things change. You're supposed to become more independent. You make new friends and build more memories.

You're right, your siblings have their own life and you should as well. Pretty sure every teenager wants nothing to do with their family at a certain stage in their life and once you're old enough, you move out.

I suppose that's just life.

[Stinkweed]

Umm you're 20. So two years ago?

Once you get into college things change. You're supposed to become more independent. You make new friends and build more memories.

You're right, your siblings have their own life and you should as well. Pretty sure every teenager wants nothing to do with their family at a certain stage in their life and once you're old enough, you move out.

I suppose that's just life.

 

I know. The thing is it's so hard to be happy when all you do is work, especially when you don't even really like it. I don't have any real friends, to be honest. I just call them acquaintances, cause they talk to me, and I talk to them in class only, and never outside.

 

I'm feeling a lot better right now anyway. I guess it was the weekend after the holidays... I mean, over the holidays, I finally had real weekends. Right now, I know it'll be months until the next real weekend... That's what it was like last semester. I just wanted a real weekend, one in which I do not have to work all day and do nothing else...

[capbit]

I know. The thing is it's so hard to be happy when all you do is work, especially when you don't even really like it. I don't have any real friends, to be honest. I just call them acquaintances, cause they talk to me, and I talk to them in class only, and never outside.

 

I'm feeling a lot better right now anyway. I guess it was the weekend after the holidays... I mean, over the holidays, I finally had real weekends. Right now, I know it'll be months until the next real weekend... That's what it was like last semester. I just wanted a real weekend, one in which I do not have to work all day and do nothing else...

 

So you're in your second year of college yes? Have you decided on what you wanted to study? I started enjoying my courses once I actually took the courses I wanted to.

Invite your classmates for a study session or to work on problems in class together. Find some common ground, you never know.

If you can get most of your work done over the week, you'll have some time to yourself over the weekend. I always do assignments right away and find out if there are any issues and save the reading for sunday.

[Stinkweed]

So you're in your second year of college yes? Have you decided on what you wanted to study? I started enjoying my courses once I actually took the courses I wanted to.

Invite your classmates for a study session or to work on problems in class together. Find some common ground, you never know.

If you can get most of your work done over the week, you'll have some time to yourself over the weekend. I always do assignments right away and find out if there are any issues and save the reading for sunday.

 

I do assignments over the week, and then over the weekend I try to study or do the assignments I haven't finished... If I don't study I fall behind... And on weekdays I've got classes and then do homework and by the time it's over I'm too beat to study... I am taking my major's courses. But it's all messed up... I don't like the major, I don't like the school... I dunno what I'd like either. I just know that I never wanted to come to this school. I mean, my parents twisted my arm for me to choose this one.

 

It's not as bad as I thought back then, but these two years have been really terrible... Last year I had no social interactions AT ALL. Nothing at all. Now I've got some social interaction (It was pretty much forced upon everyone... so much work, people started to try to work together, and I sorta caught the wave), but so much work to do, much more than last year. I wish I lived in another world where there's less at stake if I just decide to switch schools and careers. I know my parents would be pretty unforgiving if I did something like that, among other things...

 

But it's just that there's gotta be more to life than what I see right now. Nothing is permanent, NOTHING, no friendship or "friendship" is permanent, and all there is is so much work.

[capbit]

What is your current major, and why are you majoring in something you dont like? Your parents shouldn't decide for your future.

If the work is too much maybe take less courses. Go easy on yourself.

Meeting new people should he somewhat effortless. Talk to your classmates, hit up your schools rec center, get to know the people around you.

If it's really bothering you where you are right now, maybe you should speak with your parents and let them know how you feel.

[Stinkweed]

What is your current major, and why are you majoring in something you dont like? Your parents shouldn't decide for your future.

If the work is too much maybe take less courses. Go easy on yourself.

Meeting new people should he somewhat effortless. Talk to your classmates, hit up your schools rec center, get to know the people around you.

If it's really bothering you where you are right now, maybe you should speak with your parents and let them know how you feel.

 

My major is Computer Science. I chose it because I didn't know what else to choose. There was nothing else in my mind, pretty much. Nothing for which I would've not gotten yelled at. I take the minimum amount of courses, and it's still pretty insane. I've trouble meeting new people, because it's like there are so many douchebags out there... I'm in a couple of extra-curricular activities and in one of them, even though I enjoy it, it's like everyone's got this little clique going on or something. Well not ALL of them, but the people who're around the most who've got the higher positions like president, etc, aren't very cool in my opinion. I have talked to some of the regular people and they're nice, but they're rarely around, so it doesn't give much of a chance to get to know them well..

 

I have brought up change, talking to my parents, and the reaction was not nice at all... They'd be the ones who pay tuition, housing, food, etc... can't really go against that. On one hand they're kinda right, maybe I should just grow up and man it up... On the other hand, I think it's way too much work and it's not really worth it for something I don't like, living in a place I don't like either...