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It has been a while since I last came to this website. It did help me out during my breakup, but i never really got much out of it. After the break up i had been going down hill, and EVERYBODY knew it. I started doing oxycontin, to the point where i drained my bank account and left myself with the worst depression ever. I have been clean now for 2 months, and luckily im only 19 so i do have a choice. The thing is, while all this was going on i was trying to maintain a relationship with my ex. That didnt turn out so well, i did things i would have never done. I annoyed her, i begged, called, yelled, cried... i did everything possible to push her away. It went on for quite sometime, and i will never be the same person i was to her a year ago. And im fine with that now. After being clean, and working on my self, i have never been this happy in a long time. I still think i love her though. But her feelings for me have vanished.


I had to listen to her friends the other day tell me that i have to stop dwelling on this girl, and that my self esteem is gone because of her. And i just looked at them and said "you know what, its not that, i have just grown up and matured while you guys are still living 15".


I keep to myself now, i work 50 hours a week, and i live a day at a time. But i do want to make amends someday. And i just dont know how since the last 10 times i tried i was high.


I may just let it go forever, but for some reason guys, especially me, HAVE to make things right. Thanks for listening.

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thats true... it hasnt bothered me as much lately. Not really at all.


I have other problems im dealing with now, and one of them is my own friends saying things behind my back. I found that out tonight and it really hurt my feelings. Ive never had anyone say anything bad about me behind my back before. Just been a real tough year. Things will get better though.

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