Unhumble Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 In order to establish long-spanning attraction.. Is there always some form of subconscious "competition" between the two individuals, in which both try to show that they are better than the other at something, in which each (or just one) of the two parties somehow tries to prove him- or herself "worthy" of the other party? Do you think it's completely impossible for one to attract someone else without consciously "marketing" oneself? Link to comment
DropToZero Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 In order to establish long-spanning attraction.. Is there always some form of subconscious "competition" between the two individuals, in which both try to show that they are better than the other at something, in which each (or just one) of the two parties somehow tries to prove him- or herself "worthy" of the other party? Do you think it's completely impossible for one to attract someone else without consciously "marketing" oneself? Yeah sometimes that's true...with dating, when I'd actually start seeing a girl I liked more than any others, just the one that stood out more to me... I'd occasionally find myself trying to boast to her about my job/money or the new expensive toys I'd bought lately... and I usually don't do that, hell I really hate myself for even doing it....but I know I've done it and catch myself. I do think it's possible without having to market yourself...I've done it before plenty of times, so I don't know what really gets into myself to make me feel like I don't deserve her on occasion and drive me to try and -show off- I think it's just some sort of instinct in me that says this girl's a keeper...? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 When my bf and I reconnected after years apart our first meeting was supposed to just be two old friends catching up over dinner. It was the opposite of marketing - I was dressed down (the plans were last minute), completely relaxed/myself and very open about the good and bad stuff going on in my life. So was he. And sparks flew. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 i've attracted women i wasn't intentionally trying to. happens a lot actually. Link to comment
Unhumble Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 OK, but in these cases (both ghost69 and Batya33), did you already like the other person before knowing that you attracted her/him? What I'm asking is: if you already like someone, what are the odds that you have a chance with her/him without consciously "marketing" yourself? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 OK, but in these cases (both ghost69 and Batya33), did you already like the other person before knowing that you attracted her/him? What I'm asking is: if you already like someone, what are the odds that you have a chance with her/him without consciously "marketing" yourself? i'm not sure i understand. you want to get to know someone better or attract them, but without any effort? you can't. you can always only be yourself. even if you start conversations with them. sure your chances go up by contact, but you want to do nothing? then your chances will be slim. Link to comment
Unhumble Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Let me rephrase: What's the possibility that somebody you like gets attracted to you, even if you don't consciously act in a way aiming at attracting her (e.g. by "marketing" yourself, that means, by consciously choosing what to show her depending on what you think might impress her; which also means that you change your behavior a bit...) ? Or better: Can someone you like get attracted to you even if you don't flirt/court/seduce her? My logic is that if out there there really exists something such as "True Love", then two people who really like each other should naturally get attracted to each other regardless of their conscious effort to do so. They wouldn't even have to flirt/court/seduce each other in order for the other person to get attracted. Thus, from the point of view of one of the persons involved, he/she wouldn't have to consciously market him/herself to the person he likes... since the person he likes would get attracted to him/her anyway. Why I'm asking all this? I'm trying to make a decision whether - for the next years of my life - I should behave completely transparently regardless of the situation, in hopes that I might thereby find my "true love" (if it exists) more quickly; or whether I should gear all my energy to consciously flirt/court/seduce any girls whom I like so that, if I'm lucky, I'll have a chance of finding my "true love" among them, and if I'm not, at least I'll have a good time... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I don't think there's any harm in being proactive as long as you stop short of acting desperate. Link to comment
Unhumble Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 I don't think there's any harm in being proactive as long as you stop short of acting desperate. No, that's not exactly what I was addressing. I was asking whether I should consciously engage in social engineering, confidence tricking, seduction (or whatever it is called) with any specific "target". e.g. this would also involve showing total disinterest in order to capture the attention of a girl with a specific personality; or acting desperate if it's a girl with another prsonality - it depends on the individual target. Basically I'm saying that I tailor my behavior in a way that suits the individual target's necessities. And to be honest that's what I've been doing all the time even as a teenager, but I never found any "true love" as of yet... ... I'm merely in a kind of ethical/moral dilemma of whether it's right to do so; however, I base my the final ethical decision on the existence or not of "true love". Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Since I believe loving is more of an action not a feeling I don't think about abstractions like "the existence of true love." I would be myself as long as myself is a reasonably secure and confident person with a reasonably fun and fulfilling life. I think for some people it's easy, they just click and fall in love - i.e. they are inspired to give to each other - be loving - and for others it takes some strategizing and making an impression before they're open to the possibility. There's no recipe. Link to comment
Unhumble Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Since I believe loving is more of an action not a feeling I don't think about abstractions like "the existence of true love." This is literally exactly what I used to believe, too; however, it often led me to two conclusions which today - after long months of moral and ethical pondering - I have become unsure about and need to re-assess: Firstly, not believing in "true love" gave me an additional reason/excuse to use the strategizing approach each and every time, since it visibly increased my chances with any girl that I liked. The strategizing/marketing approach was a tangible insurance for me. Why should I not use it if I know that it can assist me in efficiently attracting any girl I like? Secondly, thinking of love as something active often made me doubt about the idea that I should love only one person, "the one love". It actually made me undermine the whole notion of only engaging in monogamous relationships. And I naturally behaved in ways that were in stark contrast with today's social values... Why can't I really love more than one woman at the same time? I really loved them, in the same way. They weren't just "escapades" or "affairs". I am 100% sure I loved them. I still think that these two conclusions are my true and natural essense, yet I'm constrained by the social norms and some of the negative consequences I have experienced for violating them... which again led me to think whether I might have been wrong in rejecting the idea of "true love". Do you have any thoughts on this? Link to comment
Unhumble Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 HAHAHAHA! That's a great one! And I have my finance exam next week! "about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout." I'm laughing out my diaphragm! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 to the bold - absolutely. of course this can happen. i don't go out looking for love. but i do flirt with girls i find attractive. it helps, but usually i'm out to have a good time. this attitude seems to attract the most girls for me. Link to comment
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