finalcloud13 Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Hi all, I first joined this forum a while ago trying to get over my ex. I never thought I would, but it did happen, and it took me liking someone else to do so. I met this girl when I went out to eat with my friend, who brought along a couple of girls that work with him at the bakery. It was right on Christmas day that I met this girl. I was immediately attracted to her and found out that she's the younger sister of a friend of mine from high school, which was surprising. Anyway, the bad luck is that she already has a boyfriend, which I found out a few days ago. That really sucks because it's rare for me to come accross a girl that I like, and here is one that is so special that fell for her on the first day I met her, but she's already taken. I hung out with her a few times after meeting her for the first time (karaoke, eating, seeing her at the bakery when I went to visit my friend), but it was always together with other friends so it's like a group of friends hanging out, not attempting to date her. I made a bet with her one time and if I won I wanted her to buy me food and if she won she wanted me to treat her to a movie, but I won so I'll ask her for that whenever I can I know no details about her love life, and won't ask because I especially don't want her to pick up a clue that I might like her, because she's already taken, but I don't know where to go from here, that's the problem. When I began to like this girl, I thought she was single. Now I know she's not and I'm stuck here. My heart wants to do whatever it takes to get her, even wait for her to break up with her boyfriend someday, but that feels... pathetic somehow? Also a bit of guilt, because I'm thinking of trying to steal her (or am I actually doing it?). What are your views on that? Is it wrong when one leaves another in pursuit of a higher happiness? Is it immoral to set your sights on someone already in a relationship? All is fair in love and war? Lately I have these questions swimming through my mind. So... yeah... it was a nice Christmas present to meet her. Too bad she's not available! ](*,) Link to comment
CandyKins Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 That's great you got over your ex. Most people do. You can love someone even when that person is taken. You're just going to have to accept the fact that she as a boyfriend and respect that. Put yourself in her boyfriend's place. Would you want another guy coming on to her? Stay out of it but make a friendship with her. Nothing beyond friendship, otherwise problems will crop up. Also if you tell her how you feel you will be giving her a burden which she would have to carry, it won't be good for her, she may get upset and feel awkward being with you. You could risk losing her... Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 That's great you got over your ex. Most people do. You can love someone even when that person is taken. You're just going to have to accept the fact that she as a boyfriend and respect that. Put yourself in her boyfriend's place. Would you want another guy coming on to her? Stay out of it but make a friendship with her. Nothing beyond friendship, otherwise problems will crop up. Also if you tell her how you feel you will be giving her a burden which she would have to carry, it won't be good for her, she may get upset and feel awkward being with you. You could risk losing her... I actually did carefully think about that before, if a guy stole my girlfriend away from me. Actually, that did happen in my last relationship. I was sad that my ex left me, but I wasn't angry at her or her boyfriend. It's not easy to exactly explain my thoughts, but it's along the lines of there's no reason not to go with the one that you love more and makes you more happy. Just cheating I think is wrong. One guy at a time, no more than that lol. So right, I'll definitely not confess my feelings to her. But since I already like her, think I should try to avoid her? Damn, I don't want to... Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Since I already like her, think I should try to avoid her? I actually did carefully think about that before, if a guy stole my girlfriend away from me. Actually, that did happen in my last relationship. I was sad that my ex left me, but I wasn't angry at her or her boyfriend. It's not easy to exactly explain my thoughts, but it's along the lines of there's no reason not to go with the one that you love more and makes you more happy. Just cheating I think is wrong. One guy at a time, no more than that lol. So right, I'll definitely not confess my feelings to her. Probably not AVOIDING her, but kind of backing off would be the best idea. Be there, and if she's there too, it doesn't mean you have to run away, know what I mean? Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 I hear you. I haven't been trying to actively woo her, though I have definitely thought about it and hesitated to do so. Was just wondering if it's really okay to keep talking to her, when I'm still liking her. Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I hear you. I haven't been trying to actively woo her, though I have definitely thought about it and hesitated to do so. Was just wondering if it's really okay to keep talking to her, when I'm still liking her. I guess a little chit chat wouldn't hurt more... just enough so that she knows that you're no stranger. But don't talk to her too much, because either you're going to say too much, or you'll be "friendzoned," I think. Just what I think. Other things could happen, I'm not sure. But I wouldn't try to woo her. Just talk to her whenever it seems appropriate, without going out of my way to do so, and just enough to not become a stranger. Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 I was just wondering, if the advice you are giving me is in favor of trying to get with her in the future? I ask because of the avoidance of the friendzone in your advice. Thanks. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I hear you. I haven't been trying to actively woo her, though I have definitely thought about it and hesitated to do so. Was just wondering if it's really okay to keep talking to her, when I'm still liking her. sounds to me like you are teasing yourself with forbidden fruit----don't do that to yourself Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yeah you're right. I'd always want to, but my conscience wouldn't allow me to actually attempt to get with someone who's already with someone else. Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I was just wondering, if the advice you are giving me is in favor of trying to get with her in the future? I ask because of the avoidance of the friendzone in your advice. Thanks. Well sort of... I guess by not avoiding her, but not becoming a good friend of hers, you'll keep that option open. But don't wait for her to become single either... there are plenty other fish in the sea. I'm not very good at this, but just thinking maybe that's a possible way to keep the door open. But, I mean, if you'd feel happy with just being her friend, then I'd suggest just keep talking and become her friend. It's up to you. Either way, I wouldn't AVOID her. That'd be kinda rude, in my opinion. Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 I understand, and agree. Yeah I won't put my love life on hold for her, but won't rule her out for life as a possibility. Thanks. Link to comment
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