ex boyfriend

[nosoul]

So yesterday i went to my doctors because i havent had my period in 3 months and i came to find out that im preganet, but its not my boyfriends, because i havent splet with my boyfriend, because we decided to save ourselves for when we get married and the last time i had sex was on teh 15th of october with my ex. I was with my ex for 2 years and 2 months. But in July he dumped me when he was mad. We never got back. I tried a bunch of times to get him back but nothin so within 2 weeks i had a new boyfriend who i cheated on with my ex. Then i dumped my boyfriend for him. But we still get back together, he was datin a girl and yet still slept with me and he lied to all his friends sayign that we didnt so i moved on and i have this wonderful boyfriend. So here is my problem should i tell my ex or just tell my boyfriend and me and him raise him the way he should be brought up? I dont want to tell my ex. Cause i know my boyfriend and i could raise the child so much better.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The child is not your boyfriend's and I have a feeling that once he finds out that you cheated him and had sex with your ex while being so prim and proper and waiting for marriage with this guy, he is not going to want to be with you anymore and deal with your mistakes. As you are only 17 I would suggest you talk to your parents as you will need a lot of support whether you choose to have this baby and keep it, give it up for adoption or abort. You need to tell your ex as well as your current boyfriend...but don't expect much from either of them...if your ex has another girlfriend and thereforeeee had cheated on her with you, he is not going to want her to find out. You really are in a bit of a jam and I think you need your family to help you through this.

[Dako]

You and your ex share parenthood of this child forever.

I'd suggest starting out with a clean slate, and accepting this responsibility as more important than who you currently sleep with.

Your child needs the stability you seem to lack.

[sweetjess195]

I dont condone nor support abortion. Each to their own HOWEVER I think you need to take this situation into consideration.

 

I agree that there is a LARGE chance that you now boyfriend will leave you. I dont think most guys would want to raise another mans child. Im also certain your ex wont be very supportive and you need to consider those 9 long months of pregnancy where you will probably want your ex by your side. But instead he will probably be with his GIRLFRIEND.

 

the situation just isnt good. You are 17 years old. You arent old enough and responsible enough to have a child... no offense.

 

Your parents will most likely be taking on the responsibility of raising this child. Maybe you should ask them if they want that kind of responsibility.

[Hope75]

If you were with your current bf when you got pregnant and he doesn't know about the cheating (or even if he does), he may not be comfortable raising a child that isn't his or that was a product of something so hurtful to him. Given that you are 17 I can only guess your bf is around the same age- is he, or are you for that matter, ready to be parents?

 

I do think you should tell your ex because as the father of the child he should at least have a say in what he thinks about it. Ultimately the decision is yours because it is your body but I think you need to come clean and also tell your parents, as you are going to need all the help you can get.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

It is not appropriate to tell someone here on line that you think they should abort based on one paragraph. That is a hugely life changing decision. Remember, we don't really know this person or their entire situation.

 

Nosoul, Yes, you're in quite the jam, but honesty is the way out. You will be ok.

 

I don't know what you should do with your pregnancy, but it sounds like you have your mind made up to keep this baby since you are talking about raising it.

 

What supports do you have for raising the baby? Have you talked to your parents?

 

Just because you tell your ex boyfriend doesn't mean he's going to be in the baby's life or your life or stop you and your current boyfriend from raising it.

 

Of course you will have to tell your current bf that you're pregnant and he's going to know it's not his. Just take the action of being honest with your current bf and let the outcomes be up to those who are in control of them, which in this particular one, is not you.

 

It's not too late to start living a really honest life. This could be a great chance for you to get things really straightened out and simplified. Gather up your supports, figure out what your next step is, and take it honestly.

[nosoul]

k well the guy i cheated on wasnt my now boyfriend. My now boyfriend im pretty sure is the one. Like i have the feeling that we're meant to be. In Septmeber we're moving in together. He loves me to death. And this is the first nice boyfriend i had since grade 8. my last two well they were abusive. the guy i was with for 2 years pushed me, alot. and the other guy hit me. My boyfriend im with now is amazing. We get along so well, he has been gone for the last week and has called me every day since he left. I feel like im in a two person relationship now. Instead of having one person fighting to keep the relationship as the other ignores whats going on, pays little to no attention to my needs, doesnt show he loves me, but now im totally in the best relationship of my life and i couldnt be happier!!Thats why i dont want to tell my ex i rather just tell my boyfriend tahts its my ex's and i know he'll understand because he loves me so much. Plus i dont want to talk to my ex. He isnt the nicest person. PLus he wouldnt believe me anyway.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Oh ok. You didn't cheat on the guy that you're currently with? Well that's one less complication. I'm glad you're in a healthy relationship.

 

Just remember -- every choice we make has an effect. We don't always know what the effect is going to be. Choosing not to tell the father will have an effect, but you don't know what it will be at this time.

 

Have you told your boyfriend yet? Do your parents know?

 

There are several things you're going to have to start planning for right now. You can start planning for them by asking yourself some questions --

1. will I need to work?

2. how will i support the baby?

3. who will care for the child while I'm at work?

4. If I have to pay for that, how will I pay for that?

 

The list goes on but this is a good start. If you're keeping the child, it would be a good idea to get prenatal care started.

[Hope75]

You don't have to get along with your ex, but if he is the biological father of the child, he should at least be given the opportunity to be involved in the child's life. The child has a right to have a relationship with his or her father too... it isn't just about you anymore.

 

I know this will be hard, and if what you say is right, the father may not believe you and may not want to be a part of the baby's life, but at some point the child may want to pursue it, and the father may surprise you.

 

That doesn't mean that your currant bf can't play a major role in helping you raise the baby if he wants to. There can never be too many people who love and nurture a child.

 

When do you plan to tell him? (your bf)