ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I don't know if I love me. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I think a good indicator would be that you respect yourself, you do not allow others to disrespect you, and you feel confident about yourself when you sit back and reflect. It's like this - when you love another person you want the best for them (if it is a healthy relationship) and you respect them and do nice things for them. If you love yourself, you do these same things for you. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Yes, I respect myself. But as for letting others disrespect me, well I never used to online, but now I kinda let it happen these days, because I really really can't be bothered with all the arguing, and several people always joining in on their side. As for real life, well, I think in most cases I wouldn't have enough confidence to not let someone disrespect me. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I do try and avoid people like that anyway, as for online, it can be really hard to ignore, but I think I'm finally just about managing to do it right now. Link to comment
Sunshine75 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Rule of thumb - ask yourself if how you are treating yourself or how others are treating you would be acceptable to you if it were being done to someone you KNOW you love - like a younger sibling, a parent, a best friend, etc. If you wouldn't let it happen to those other people, then you shouldn't let it happen to you. That's also a good way to start loving yourself if you don't. Link to comment
Stu147 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I think that, if you're coming from a position of feeling less than overwhelmed about yourself, that you begin by defending yourself against yourself. You give yourself a break. You put your past failings behind you, accept who you are and learn to focus on the things you do well. And from there you then go on to defending yourself to the world at large. I don't mean physically defending yourself, more internally defending your place in the world and your value. Never put yourself down, never let anyone else put you down. Learn from your mistakes but don't hang on to them. Forgive yourself when you slip up. Praise yourself when you do well. And expect the same from others. Hell, demand it even. If you can gradually bring these attitudes into your mentality then you start to get closer to liking who you are and maybe one day even loving who you are. It doesn't matter if at first you don't truly believe it. It's not long before it becomes habit and then becomes ingrained within you. This is just the method that I used. May not be for everyone. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I'm glad to hear that - try not to dwell upon your anxieties about not loving yourself too much. Do something, anything - when you are feeling down. Speaking personally, when I started helping other people I loved myself a lot more...x Yeah, I'd love to help animals more, but there isn't much I can do at the moment. I could never do voluntary work and I don't really have enough money to send to charities. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Rule of thumb - ask yourself if how you are treating yourself or how others are treating would be acceptable to you if it were being done to someone you KNOW you love - like a younger sibling, a parent, a best friend, etc. If you wouldn't let it happen to those other people, then you should let it happen to you. That's also a good way to start loving yourself if you don't. I don't actually think the way others treat me when they aren't being nice is acceptable. And, I don't really think I treat myself in anyway that I wouldn't find acceptable if it was someone that I loved who was being treated like that. The only thing that I can think of as far as treating myself badly is concerned is that maybe I eat too much junk food. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 When you say never letting others put you down, do you mean verbally defending yourself like saying something back at them? Or do you mean not letting their comment bring you down/make you feel hurt? Link to comment
Stu147 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 When you say never letting others put you down, do you mean verbally defending yourself like saying something back at them? Or do you mean not letting their comment bring you down/make you feel hurt? It can incorporate both of those things. Of course, I'm not advocating getting drawn into slanging matches because they achieve nothing. If someone denigrates you then it's okay to defend yourself verbally. But the moment the discussion descends to insults or name calling is the moment you walk away. But yes, the one thing you definitely do is to not let someone else's perception of you become yours. Take on board criticism, evaluate it, but keep it in perspective and proportion. As for insults you merely treat them with the contempt they deserve and pay them no heed. You are not on this earth to meet someone else's expectations. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I do try and avoid people like that anyway, as for online, it can be really hard to ignore, but I think I'm finally just about managing to do it right now. Walking away from someone disrespecting you online is not disrespecting yourself. That is showing maturity. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I think the most trouble I have with walking away online or offline, is because it feels like I'm letting them win and making them look like they've won, and in some cases it feels like by not saying anything back I'm actually making it look as though I'm agreeing with them. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Walking away from someone disrespecting you online is not disrespecting yourself. That is showing maturity. Hey how come you're always being shown as being offline even though you're still here posting? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hey how come you're always being shown as being offline even though you're still here posting? I am not quite sure. That has been happening since two days ago. EDited to add: Fixed. Someone just pointed out to me there is a setting in options that causes this. I was in that panel the other day and must have clicked on that ... i must have clicked it when i was trying to edit my private message settings. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I've been trying to find out how to love myself for years Link to comment
Stu147 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I am not quite sure. That has been happening since two days ago. Are you in invisible mode? That's usually why it happens, but then I'm sure you've been here long enough to know that. Is this just happening without being in invisible mode? Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I've been trying to find out how to love myself for years I think those Anthony Robbins CD's and hypnosis CD's can work. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Are you in invisible mode? That's usually why it happens, but then I'm sure you've been here long enough to know that. Is this just happening without being in invisible mode? I had never heard of that mode until about two minutes ago. I just edited my post to say someone pointed that out to me. I rarely mess with any settings ... so even tho i've been here awhile there are many things here i don't know about. LOL You are talking to the lady who never even knew we had that "who's online page" when everyone was mourning its death. LMAO. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I don't know if I love me. Made me feel so sad reading that Ilovepoems =( wish I could give you a hug Link to comment
Stu147 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I had never heard of that mode until about two minutes ago. I just edited my post to say someone pointed that out to me. I rarely mess with any settings ... so even tho i've been here awhile there are many things here i don't know about. LOL You are talking to the lady who never even knew we had that "who's online page" when everyone was mourning its death. LMAO. LOL! Haha! EARTH TO JADED! COME IN JADED!! lmao! Awww, bless ya! You probably spend more time being constructive and helping people instead of faffing around with settings like I do! lol! Link to comment
John Bendix Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I would sum it up this way. To accept yourself for what you are at this given moment, without judgment and without the egoic desire for you to be other than you are, right now. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 LOL! Haha! EARTH TO JADED! COME IN JADED!! lmao! Awww, bless ya! You probably spend more time being constructive and helping people instead of faffing around with settings like I do! lol! HA HA I'm a mess Stu. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Made me feel so sad reading that Ilovepoems =( wish I could give you a hug Thanks Grrr. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I like this thread. I think the most trouble I have with walking away online or offline, is because it feels like I'm letting them win and making them look like they've won, and in some cases it feels like by not saying anything back I'm actually making it look as though I'm agreeing with them. Yea, you aren't the only one who has trouble walking away. So someone might (might not) be standing there as you walk away thinking I win with a smug grin on their face. Or, they will feel validated in whatever they were saying and doing (as an example, someone crossing a line and the response is to walk away). Sometimes it happens. Perhaps it is also silly pride that makes it difficult to walk away sometimes. Sometimes it is wanting to control (speaking personally). Wanting to control something that is actually out of my control. Sometimes it is much easier and a much more pleasant task to try and do that, rather than try at the mess going on inside me. That feeling of being out of control of a situation. And sometimes, it has been I just don't care enough, either way. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 I like this thread. I was actually going to say that I like the way this thread has started going, but I never got around to it. Link to comment
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