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Its always been a issue of mine-I just have a tendency to go months feeling empty & lonely, with a occasionally breift period were I convince myself things are alright. These periods always come from outside influence, like is it going well with the girl i'm interested in at the time...but when things aren't so grand, I fall right back into this...depression. Hell even when everything was going great for me, I still fall into this mindset.


When I was in college residence, looking back at it, I was doing great. I had a girl who loved me, tons of people around who I at least had some connection with, and I was well on my way with my program in school. But now my girlfriend dumped me(over 6 months ago), i'm no longer in residence, missed up my program in school(ex dumped my week before finals..well cheated on me) so now i'm kinda out of loop with my original class in school. I'm not over my ex, even though i'm no better. After the first breakup I spent a month getting her back, and when I finally actually was just beaten down we got back together. After that...well I cheated on her(she never found out). Now I just would want nothing else then to have something like her back in my life, but I just can't find anyone.


I don't have a vast amount of good buddies. A fair number of friends, but no tight friends. But when I hang around with my "friends"(usually just when drinking) I just feel i'm being fake to the entire world. I always feel like i'm just faking someone who is happy, when in reality I just hate life.


My family is behind me. But really I just feel ashamed to admit to them how truly sad I am. Thoughts of just killing myself come & go at times, but what it comes down to it I just really know it would simply destroy my parents(dad espically).


Anyway sorry for the rant but I need help. I gotta swallow my pride and go seek help.


Use to go by Pending on these boards durning the breakup-but my account..well died.

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you're not alone. I don't know what the hell's wrong with me but I get too dependent on other people. I get really close to one person (ie my ex), spend all my time with them, and feel like I need them in order to be happy. When my ex dumped me I felt like I had lost everything. I still do. I feel sick of life, I'm never happy on my own, I feel so lonely if I'm not in a relationship or at least a close friendship. But I feel like I'm sick of waiting for someone else to come along because I feel like I can't be happy again till that happens. Even if it does then i'll probably lose them too. I'm rambling too.. I'm just finding it hard to care about anything at the moment.

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