tatanya4me Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Yes, when is it the right time to date again after a breakup where someone dumped you and you were not happy that it ended the way it did? I have read that the best way to get over feeling sorry for yourself and feeling as though you are the the scum of the earth because someone didn't want you and tossed you out like refuse, is to date and realize that other people can adore you, unlike your ex who "binned" you. Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 As soon as you're no longer comparing the people that you meet to your ex. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hmm...I kind of disagree. Your past influences who you become and helps you figure out who is your type. I think to some extent, I'll always compare future guys with my exes. But not in a obsessed, every detail kind of way. I think it's when you feel okay being single and alone. Link to comment
cichlid Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I'm someone who jumped into a new relationship rather quickly...I was hanging out with someone new the Tuesday after the break up that occurred on a Sunday. And then we officially became a couple last week (6 weeks later). hehe...whoops! I would say, when you can see a future without your ex and you no longer miss them, then you are ready for something new. I think it's also easier for the dumper to move on than the dumpee since they have been thinking about it for a longer time. Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hmm...I kind of disagree. Your past influences who you become and helps you figure out who is your type. I think to some extent, I'll always compare future guys with my exes. But not in a obsessed, every detail kind of way. I think it's when you feel okay being single and alone. What I meant by that is that when you go out with someone and you're thinking how he's not as good as your ex--or you're thinking OF your ex PERIOD--then you're not ready to date. Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Cichlid, your actions is right on. I want to be at that point, where I just jump into a new relationship, to hell with the ex. Minimize the pain, maximize the gain. If there was a way to get the ex to come back, I probably would wait. This is the best way to forget, move on and find a new love. Link to comment
Jonboy582 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I would say, when you can see a future without your ex and you no longer miss them, then you are ready for something new. I think it's also easier for the dumper to move on than the dumpee since they have been thinking about it for a longer time.You say that but I thought I was at that point. Dived into a relationship like 3 weeks later .... BIG mistake. I saw my ex after 3 and a half weeks of new relationship as friends then realized I was still in love with her. Two days latter me and new gf broke up, to be fair though she broke it off with me cos "She wasn't ready for a relationship". Just be aware the heart sometimes lies. I would say test yourself when you think your ready, if you can go see your ex and see if there is anything still there for you. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 What I meant by that is that when you go out with someone and you're thinking how he's not as good as your ex--or you're thinking OF your ex PERIOD--then you're not ready to date. Oops! Sorry for the misunderstanding! I agree with when you're not thinking he's not as good as your ex. But I don't know, maybe I just think about the past a lot. I do think of my exes. Not during the date, but sometimes afterwards when it's the first few dates with someone new and just think over if there were dealbreakers or lessons/red flags I've learned from the past. But everyone's different. To the OP I'd probably say test yourself and as long as you're not jumping into something and avoiding dealing with lingering issues with your ex, it's okay. Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I have a pattern.....I have a hard time getting over the person and I think about ways to get back together with them. Eventually I'll start to meet others but I'm not really into it. I get disappointed because none of them compare to the one I'm trying to get over. After awhile I'll meet someone that I click with and I'll totally forget the last guy. Link to comment
LadyBrandon Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I have to say that, after just being dumped this past Tuesday, I plan to wait until I am over him and when it feels like the sunshine has come out again for me. You know...when the anger and hurt is all gone. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Jumping into a new relationship immediately after the previous one ends does not help moving on because you are simply smothering the pain in order to have someone new adore you and the pain will ultimately re-surface. This is what is called a rebound relationship and inevitably devastates the person you are rebounding with. You basically are using them. Link to comment
cichlid Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 You say that but I thought I was at that point. Dived into a relationship like 3 weeks later .... BIG mistake. I saw my ex after 3 and a half weeks of new relationship as friends then realized I was still in love with her. Two days latter me and new gf broke up, to be fair though she broke it off with me cos "She wasn't ready for a relationship". Just be aware the heart sometimes lies. I would say test yourself when you think your ready, if you can go see your ex and see if there is anything still there for you. I still chat with my ex a few times a week. Every time I talk with him I am happier that I broke things off with him. I'm pretty sure he would never accept me back. Plus, I like this new guy (and all his friends actually like me!!!). Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 What is the right thing to do? People here tell you NOT to get back with the ex, to do NC with them, to go on with our lives. Then people say one should NOT date until we are over the ex. Such contradictions!!!!! Dating does help one get over an ex, that I've been told. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 If you're just trying to look for a quick fix, then yes a rebound will probably make you feel better for now. But it's going to end up causing a lot of hurt when you don't need the new guy anymore and dump him or worse yet, he dumps you because you've still got lingering issues with your ex. Only rarely do rebounds ever work out and those are usually the lucky cases where two people that really should be together meet. But if you're looking to date for a real relationship, then it's probably not going to work if you've still got issues with your ex because you're only looking to soothe your OWN hurt feelings and not focused on the needs of BOTH people. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 u can compare new loves to an ex. everyone does it. that doesn't mean that you aren't ready to date. but when you compare your ex to a new person and ditch the new person cause they don't match up, then you aren't ready. Link to comment
LostNLuv Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Wait until the guy walks out of the restuarant/house/bar/etc. Take a deep breath. Count to three. It's now okay to start dating again. Link to comment
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