What Should I Do?

[tigeress]

today i found out that my husband went on a one2onematch thing. he posted a profile in a different name than his and said that he was single. he is looking for someone to talk to. there has been girls emailing him. when i found this out i was so upset. i almost cried and was shaking. this broke my heart. why did he do this? i should talk to him about this. but i dont know how to approach him about it. how should i tell him that i know. and why is he doing this? i dont get it! i talk and listen to him all the time. about everything! what should i do? how do i bring it up to him?

[Tonk]

Sorry to have to be blunt from your this and your last post the signs dont look good. Obviously it is difficult to know the full story but I think your husband is playing games with you.

 

To my mind there is more to being unfaithfull than having sex with someone else its about trust, commiting time and energy to your partner. Searching out girls on a dating site is not acceptable! If nothing else he is lying to these new girls (about being single) and even if he is only looking for someone to talk (which I doubt) one2onematch is not the place to do it.

 

I dont think it matters how you approach the situation but you need to work out what the hell is happening. It is difficult to not get emotive but you need to try. Prepare yourself before you talk to him because at this stage, you are the one that matters and so protect yourself in anyway you can. Try to think of were you go from here and what you want and need both from him but more importantly generally.

 

Best wishes

 

Tonk

[Celadon]

Tigeress, my heart's breaking for you. Yes, I think you need to talk with him, but take the time you need to calm down. If you talk when you're emotional, the conversation will go downhill fast. Do you have a woman in your life you respect and trust? Go talk to her. Let her know you need her to listen, first and foremost.

 

When you talk to your husband, I hope he can tell you what he's really thinking and feeling and why he is doing this online thing. He's going to need to be honest if you're going to get through this. If he's not honest, then you won't be able to trust him in the future, and the problem will just come back in some other form.

 

So does he take responsibility in other areas of your marriage and this is just a slip-up? Or is he's irresponsible in other ways?

 

At the risk of sounding like Dear Abby, please consider a professional marriage counselor. Some people may don't want to go, but I say, if a relationship's broke, ya gotta fix it.

 

Take care.