i just don't know what she wants...

[goodguy78]

My story starts out like this, i met this fantastic woman at of all places wal-mart. We got to know each other and she told me that she was going through a divorce. I asked her if it was going to be a problem and she told me no.

 

Well we date for about 5 weeks, she broke up with me the first time after two weeks and then called me saying that she missed me and wanted to be with me so i took her back. After three more weeks(and two days before christmas) she breaks up with me again and this time she says she can't handle the stress of having a relationship. I did my best not to stress her out. In the end, nothing i did really i guess made a difference, she ended up losing her fema trailer and now she stays with her mom.

 

The problems that I have are these. The mom wants her to get back with her ex. He left her and her two kids high and dry, drained the bank accounts and took off to the east coast to be with another woman. Her parents are really strict and even though they treat her like a child, she says she doesn't mind. We decided that we would be friend because she wasn't ready for a relationship now. I told her that I did not mind being with her and that I would even help her with her divorce if she needed it.

 

I'm just really confused, at first glance, it seems like she wants me and at other times it doesn't. I saw her yesterday and we did kiss, but nothing else happened. In fact, just about everytime we see each other we kiss or hug. I know that she still likes me and I still like her, but I really don't know if i should wait on this woman or just let it go..i'm so confused, help!

[lazer]

i would suggest you not get involved. i think it's obvious why.

[need2bme]

Goodguy: First, a little background on my sitch...

 

Met a woman online. She initiated contact. We flirted and spoke on the telephone and she was really cool. So, we meet and I think she is beautiful and has a great personality.

 

Trouble is, she is VERY recently separated. She also has two kids and her ex left her for someone else. She tried to get him back and he would have none of it. Basically, in my book, that makes him a lying, using, cheat.

 

Anyway, suffice to say that he treated her like crap, expecially when he found out we were dating and I had met her kids.

 

Her family was controlling and wanted her to get back with her ex. They did not like him, from what I observed, but at least she would be taken care of. I find that odd, because of what he did and from what she told me, it sure did not sound like they had a whole lot of love goin' on.

 

From everything she told me while crying and being sad, which killed me to see (not so much because it hurt me, moreso because she was hurting), was all about how awful he was and how he never did anything for her and the children.

 

So, like your "friend", my ex's family constantly told her how she shouldn't be with me. In their defense, they were right that she should have waited and they were right that she was not ready and they did care about her. It was nice to have people around that cared about her that much.

 

She was actually told about me, "you don't owe him anything." Nice huh? The one guy that wants to support and love her more than anything and they want her back with the lying, cheating, controlling ex (hell, who knows?...maybe she was controlling too and I just never got to see that side).

 

Anyway, I digress...

 

So, we have GREAT fun and fight sometimes, mostly because she talks about the ex ALL the time, gives me a hard time and talks about other guys she met (almost narcissistically). Of course, if we are together and she spends her time talking to everyone else but me, it kinds gets to ya (again, in HER defense, I was way too needy at times).

 

So, one day early on in the dating, I don't hear from her for a while. When I do call her, she is sad and asking if I think marraiges should stay together. Long story short, we talk through it and decide we want to see where it leads us.

 

So, we go through the "being in love", the sex, playing house now and then, meeting friends and family, etc.

 

Her ex is now trying to weasle back in. "I made a mistake." I should have never treated you that way." BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

 

Then, she gets her divorce papers and everything is final. Then all hell breaks loose.

 

She is not sure anymore. She needs to find herself and not be in a relationship. She loves me but not in the way I deserve to be, etc. You get the picture.

 

She doesn't want to make love, then she does, then she doesn't, then she wants to seduce me, etc.

 

Then, one night she isn't saying "I love you". She isn't acting the way she normally does. She is telling me I say it too much (when in the beginning I did not say it and she did - whatever). She is basically criticizing me, which she did at times throughout our relationship.

 

So, that night, it is raining and I get all weepy and just blow up her voicemail and email with all the needy talk...oh yeah, that made her want me even more. NOT!

 

The next morning, I get a call that we need to back off and she needs space. So, she gets her space. About 3 days later, I get a message from her sister, for Pete's sake, informing that my then GF had some items to give back to me.

 

When I finally convinced the ex to call, she just laid into me. The loving woman who just 1 week ago, wanted to be with me forever, was treating me like a dog.

 

So, now we are Splitsville...moral of the story....

 

Don't get involved with a recently separated or divorced woman. You will pay for it. As someone once wrote here, you will be fighting her ex's ghost and believe me, it is true. You will have to pay for stuff you didn't even do.

 

She will get distant and you will get needy. She will remember something he said or did and act out to you. She will want to talk about it and as much as you try, hearing about the ex 24/7, is enough to hurt your heart.

 

Yes, the attention is unreal and being the best thing since sliced bread is unreal, but it is not worth it when out of the blue, she leaves.

 

She has already shown you she isn't ready. Do you want to get involved heavily and invest your heart and meet the family and then boom?

 

Do you want to have to deal with her ex, because you will. Cheating isn't about cheating, it is about control.

 

I know you probably like her and I understand, trust me, I still love my ex, but cut your losses now.

 

You don't wanna be anyone's rebound. By the pure definition, she will snap back and you don't wanna be there when she does. It just hurts too damn much. Take it from someone who knows.

 

Good luck...

[goodguy78]

yeah i feel like that too at times, we do have the distance/needy thing going on, however, she had told me she does want to be with me and she doesn't want to be with him and i believe her for the most part. She mentions her ex every now and then but not too much. We usually just have a great time. I want to be with her, but i guess i have to do it when it's most "convinient" for her...