ilovepoemsalot Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Living in the moment does seem to be the right way to go with things, and I need to learn to do it more myself. Less disappointments, and more of just enjoying life. So I'm wondering, is that what most people naturally do? For example, instead of worrying about whether a person will want to see you again after a date (and thus getting really disappointed/depressed if they don't), you'd just see the date as you going out to meet someone and you're going to have a fun time, and whatever happens after that is whatever happens after that. Link to comment
HappyAsALark Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think a lot of times it is kind of hard to just live in the moment. Even though we all want to, we can't make our minds do that if we can't stop thinking about other things. Link to comment
jettison Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Living in the moment does seem to be the right way to go with things, and I need to learn to do it more myself. Less disappointments, and more of just enjoying life. So I'm wondering, is what most people naturally do? No, it's not natural at all for adults to live in the moment. People spend their lives either lamenting the past, or imagining the future. Only small children and Buddhists usually manage to live in the moment. You should read "The Power of Now" though if you want to learn this skill more often. It's pretty inspiring. Link to comment
Belgian girl Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 my first opinion is that i usually don't live very much at the moment but I think that if I were older (like 40 or more) I would do it very much It both has advantages and disadvantages. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I embrace Buddhist concepts myself (which really do focus on seeing the moment, and practice doing so by actually quietly sitting and watching and feeling what a moment actually is serving up for you, and experiencing it all) -- and I still can't seem to push the past or the future out of the experience. We are highly conditioned creatures, since our brains are wired to prepare for or to protect ourselves against what might happen, and to recall the events prior; this really has to be a conscious effort, to be more "in the now." The situation you describe about dating could be an exercise in "living in the moment," but it also sounds like it's about not having expectations. Another very hard thing to release, since we are very attached to the outcomes we want. For me, it really helps more than anything to use self-talk such as, "If this doesn't work out, I won't be any worse off than I've been. I can handle it, whatever happens." Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think that there was a time in human history when we had no choice but to live in the present, because immediate concerns were most important (warmth, food, reproducing, etc.) I think we have lost that over time. I don't know what most people do, but I do know that the ones who manage to live in the present are usually happier than the people lamenting the past or worrying about the future. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 As for living in the past don't get me started, I do that as well, I'm a total nostalgia freak. There were some good times in my younger years (I still have some good times now though, and I still consider myself to be pretty young). Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 You know I think I've worked it out with the dating thing, and this probably applies to most other things as well. The whole reason why we're going on a date is because we want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, love, whatever, not to just have a good time and then that's it. So naturally we aren't going to live in the moment, and we're going to hope things turn out good (as in they'll want another date and things will end up successfull), since that is the goal. Link to comment
jettison Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 As for living in the past don't get me started, I do that as well, I'm a total nostalgia freak. There were some good times in my younger years (I still have good times now though, and I still consider myself to be pretty young). My ex claimed to be the least nostalgic person I would ever meet. She burns every bridge, saves nothing from the past, and just forges ahead. She's always been that way, and likely always will be. This immediately bothered me. No photo albums? No saved vinyl? No old love letters? All that stuff reminds you of who you were, it helped shape you, and that's a big reason you are who you are. "I am just the sum of what's before and what's to come." - Schwarzenbach Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 My ex claimed to be the least nostalgic person I would ever meet. She burns every bridge, saves nothing from the past, and just forges ahead. She's always been that way, and likely always will be. This immediately bothered me. No photo albums? No saved vinyl? No old love letters? All that stuff reminds you of who you were, it helped shape you, and that's a big reason you are who you are. "I am just the sum of what's before and what's to come." - Schwarzenbach Yup, it's all part of your life. The reason why I like a lot of the things from the past isn't just nostalgia anyway, it's because I still like them. Link to comment
easyguy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 When you begin to see that everything is impermanent, you will have no reason to cling to the past or to the outcome of every situation. Living in the present moment is not difficult if you practice giving everything your full attention. The shape and color of the result is often beyond your control, but by slowly transforming your relationship to these outcomes can you begin to see everything with more clarity. Practice patience. Link to comment
Pocket Rocket Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't think anyone really does the whole "carpe diem" thing, which is what I think you're referring to, but this very moment, this very second, millisecond, what have you is the only moment you're living in, regardless of the previous/following seconds, so I guess we all are indirectly "living in the moment"... I digress. If by living in the moment you mean living in the present, or 'sieze the day', I'd say don't worry too much about it, just allow yourself to enjoy those moment when they come, it doesn't have to be everyday. If you feel like a walk in the park, hey, why not! If you feel like calling an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while, go for it! If you see the way the light hits the trees nearing sun down and you just feel like stopping and taking it in for just a little longer on the way home, by all means please do As for the past, I know it's hard to take but like an ex from way long ago, it's okay to think casually about your past, like good old memories, but don't dwell on it. If there are thoughts that keep recurring from your past or things you can't let go of, work on it! You can do it, all it takes to begin is being willing to change, there are books, therapists, groups, and all sorts of other things to help guide you, soon you'll find you're living more in the moment than you thought possible if you can let go of these things (mind you I'm in NO way saying this is easy, it is can be a long and sometimes arduous journey, I've only just begun mine, and I can already see the benefits Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 You know I think I've worked it out with the dating thing, and this probably applies to most other things as well. The whole reason why we're going on a date is because we want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, love, whatever, not to just have a good time and then that's it. So naturally we aren't going to live in the moment, and we're going to hope things turn out good (as in they'll want another date and things will end up successfull), since that is the goal. I think your analysis makes a lot of sense. And, it applies to everything we do. If we take courses in school, it's because we want to graduate. If we want to graduate, it's so we will be employable in our field. So, we have goals, long-range desires that we want to fulfill -- in the here and now. So, there is this paradox that's set us up in a way! I think it's really important to acknowledge our hopes, but to try not to fall into expectations. Easier said than done. So I can be on a date, having a blast, and thinking, "I hope this turns into more" -- but realizing that if it's that good, it will unfold naturally in the direction we are hoping for. I think hope is an important element in our lives, and hopelessness is the deathknell of continuing to set those long-range goals, but there is a fine line between hope and expectation. In fact, there is a fine line between hope and desire. Hope, to me, in its purest form, is the ability to remain open to whatever happens with a welcoming attitude, without trying to predict what is going to happen next, but having a sense of wonder about it. I think if you go into a date and having fun on it with this attitude, you can leave the door open for more as well as stay in touch with what is happening in the present moment. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 My ex claimed to be the least nostalgic person I would ever meet. She burns every bridge, saves nothing from the past, and just forges ahead. She's always been that way, and likely always will be. This immediately bothered me. No photo albums? No saved vinyl? No old love letters? All that stuff reminds you of who you were, it helped shape you, and that's a big reason you are who you are. "I am just the sum of what's before and what's to come." - Schwarzenbach Dear lord, Jetts! I cannot imagine how someone could bear to do that, I could never eradicate those bits of paraphenalia. If they went up in a blaze, I would cry really hard, and then realize that the memories are indelible where they truly matter. But I wouldn't go out of my way to set them aflame. Perhaps those who dare not to imagine their past also do not dare to think of a future, either. This is not living in the now, this is living in a vacuum. It's a kind of disownment. We should take great care not to disown our lives as they progress, and be able to stand back and see the work as it progresses with all the old marks there, but keep adding and adding to that with the fresh new moments. I don't understand how anyone could make those mutually exclusive. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think a lot of times it is kind of hard to just live in the moment. Even though we all want to, we can't make our minds do that if we can't stop thinking about other things. 100% agreed Very hard to do, especially after just not doing it for a long time. I tried the whole live for the moment thing and I just could'nt do it, have to deal with the fact I'm a natural worrier and that won't really change. I don't mind it, shows I care =P in a very annoying way sometimes! but thats what my boyfriend says anyway... lol Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't think anyone really does the whole "carpe diem" thing, which is what I think you're referring to, but this very moment, this very second, millisecond, what have you is the only moment you're living in, regardless of the previous/following seconds, so I guess we all are indirectly "living in the moment"... I digress. That is so true, I never thought of it like that. Link to comment
Belgian girl Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think I prefer a combination of the tree (past, prestent, future), this is my explanation: one of my friends told me about sunking coast, something used in his lessons Economy. It means that almost everything is about what rests over and that is the thing everything should be about (the result). That is how I understood it. It can make me really sad when it seems to me people haven't learnt from the past or something for ex. someone tried to make clear to the other. I also like to share nice thoughts/memories with others and I found out it could cheer them up. Also b/c of the aspect of feeling having things in common I like memories. And I see no reason in why not keeping things with you (can be INSIDE you) that makes you feel good b/c I think that is one of the goals we should have. Living in the present means to me especially I think to use as a kind of feed back and pick out information that could be useful to carry with me and to use for creativity. As well to better know myself by feeling what attracts me. Or I use it as a way to rest and feel more inner piece by just doing like nothing for a while. I guess people who told me about others who seem to try being so busy with being happy and b/c of that aren't it are sometimes right. Living with my thoughts in the future I like b/c I think it's very strategic and with some things I feel like half of it's pleasure I already can get by looking forward to it. So I would say a combination of those three by not using too much the negative parts like worrying about things in the future or feeling guilty etc. about many things that has happened. Link to comment
ilovepoemsalot Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 You know the more I read you guys posts and the more I think about it, the more unatural living in the moment seems, although sure, it still has some benefits. Link to comment
Belgian girl Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I also think the most optimised for me would be if I were more able to combine things all those three parts could get in a kind of limit (to a maximum) and I think there are ways to train memory (for ex. am busy learning better to play chess). Would be nice to change thoughts quicker than I can now. Link to comment
easyguy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 You know the more I read you guys posts and the more I think about it, the more unatural living in the moment seems, although sure, it still has some benefits. No one is depriving you of thinking about or acknowledging the past or the future, but if you base your happiness on/cling to what happened or what has yet to happen, you will suffer. This kind of clinging takes us away from what is happening right now. Link to comment
Pocket Rocket Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 No one is depriving you of thinking about or acknowledging the past or the future, but if you base your happiness on/cling to what happened or what has yet to happen, you will suffer. This kind of clinging takes us away from what is happening right now. Agree 100% Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 You know the more I read you guys posts and the more I think about it, the more unatural living in the moment seems, although sure, it still has some benefits. Take all these posts with a grain of salt, though. Remember, a lot of people are posting on this forum because they are in emotional pain, and that might be due in part to clinging to the past/worrying over the future. If you were posting on another forum, the answers might be very different. Again, I think it is a natural state, just one that's gotten lost over time. Link to comment
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