Do you get out

[lovelorn]

Here's a situation for you: you are in a marriage with someone that feels like it's going no where. You got married a year ago because you felt that that was the only route left. Brief synopsis, been together for 3 yrs, have 3 yr old together. Child is the reason we stayed together in the first place. Was meant to be a short term thing that ended up in a child and with time feeling developed.

However goals are totally different, we cant seem to get out of our situation and elevate ourselves because different mind sets. i have a decent job, but i want to go back to school and this will mean have to struggle for a couple of years.But my partner says they dont want to have to be the sole provider!!!

Emotionally we are on different wavelengths and my needs/want are not being met. We dont have much to talk about and dont share similar interests.

We live in a very small town where everybody knows everybody and this makes it so much harder to leave. I have feelings for someone else and so far my only idiscretion is emotional.

How do i get out? am i being unreasonable by wanting to get out? How will life be in this town if i leave?

[rocio]

It seems like you're focusing on the wrong things. If your partner doesn't want to fund you going back to school, then you can find other ways (work a second job for a couple years and save enough to fund your own education, take out loans, take night classes...). And the opinions of the townspeople, while difficult to deal with, are just not important. What is important is how your daughter will be affected by either decision, which you don't even mention.

[doyathink]

Well, I'd say grow a set and leave....it sounds like you'll be cheating here in the very near future if you dont, and your partner, just because they don't have the same goals in life, doesn't deserve to be cheated on.

 

So you live in a small town, I bet you're not the first to get a divorce there, and it wont end your life. People are nosy...let them think what they will.

[jettison]

I'm saying this just for the sake of your wife. Divorce her as soon as possible. Let her be with someone who cares about raising a family and cares about her. Otherwise, you're just cheating her out of potential happiness.

[CallingAllAngels]

Well, I'd say grow a set and leave....it sounds like you'll be cheating here in the very near future if you dont, and your partner, just because they don't have the same goals in life, doesn't deserve to be cheated on.

 

So you live in a small town, I bet you're not the first to get a divorce there, and it wont end your life. People are nosy...let them think what they will.

 

 

 

DITTO....

 

And, I have never heard of a marriage that was supposed to be just "short term"...When I stood at the alter it was "till death do us part"...does anyone remember saying "um...just for a little while?"

 

Anybody????

[ninah]

I'm saying this just for the sake of your wife. Divorce her as soon as possible. Let her be with someone who cares about raising a family and cares about her. Otherwise, you're just cheating her out of potential happiness.

 

 

But he is saying he wants to go back to school and better himself and his family. He just happened to think he could slip one by us with the feelings for someone else.

 

Question. Does this “someone” inspire you to be a better person?

If yes, and if you still love your wife, why not use those good feeling as a catalyst to explain to your wife that going back to school is for the LONG TERM benefit of your family.

 

Some people like to live in the dregs and not better themselves and live week to week. You have a choice to make and don’t do it because of the other person you met. Do it for yourself if it is what you want to make yourself a happier person.

[enchiladaman]

You guys got married. Obviously there had to have been a reason. I do believe in divorce, but also think that people these days are too quick to give up and leave a committed marriage these days.

 

Give it some effort first. Counseling, different methods of communicating and interacting with eachother. Put some effort before putting your hands in the air.

 

I believe that a couple that gets married and there isn't abuse or cheating involved can get back to a state of happiness with some work, dedication, and desire.