Got the first date...now what?

[krnelson2]

Ok if you've read my last thread at all you know that I have been thinking about asking this girl out for awhile. Well i finally did and she accepted.

 

I havent finalized the details yet but we are going to go to dinner next week some time. Its been quite awhile since I have been on a date. I was in a 5 year relationship which ended about a year ago. Since then I have been on a few dates, but for the most part was trying to move too fast and nothing came from these dates.

 

i am wondering how I can go about making this date successful. We are going to a fairly nice restraunt that I have always wanted to try. I am interested in some RULES you all may have about dating...guys and girls input would be great.

 

What to talk about?

What not to talk about?

Who should intiate any touching?

Kiss or no kiss at end or night?

What to say when I drop her off at her place?

 

Things like that...I feel kind of dumb asking this but in reality it has been awhile since I've dated anyone whom I feel is a possible future SO.

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated!!!

 

Thanks Folks

 

-KR

[Dating Coach]

This was on another site.

[ghost69]

ask her about her hobbies. where she works. does she like her job? ask what she would love to do for work. etc. in school? ask about her parents. are they here or in another state, country? etc. basic stuff.

 

don't ask about her sex life.

 

i initiate touching if i'm feeling it. i usually get touched by the girl first. just my experience.

 

kiss if you are feeling it. don't be forceful and dive right in for one. if you aren't feeling a connection, a kiss probably isn't a good idea.

 

also, if you are feeling it, tell her you will call her. call her the next day. send a text 30 mins to and hour later, 'i had a great time.' if you didn't have a good time or didn't connect, tell her you will call her. then don't call.

[krnelson2]

guys! Great advice all around. Very helpful!!! Now how about some advice from the ladies

[krnelson2]

Thanks Casey- I'm glad you advised not to bring up criminal history, I was intending on telling her about all of my past criminal convictions Only kidding of course.

 

So at the end of the night...a soft kiss on the cheek? Then tell her I will call her right?

[v-neck]

I would just feel it out, if you 'plan' it too much you're going to feel 'uncoordinated' all night. You sound like a decent guy, just be yourself with manners in mind

 

I too had a 6 year relationship with a girl recently. I went on a few dates but didn't feel much with these girls. I been noticing the girls I do like may not have interest in me or who knows (bad luck?). Anyways I decided to email a girl I been talking to here and there to say hi and she got back to me and I may ask her out. I'm not sure how compatible we really are, but I don't care, whats a simple date to find out? Keep in touch with me and let me know how it went, I'll do the same too, good luck man!

 

`v-neck

[krnelson2]

Thanks V-Neck- I will definitely keep you posted. And you are right not to overanalyze or over coordinate, cause I'm sure there will be unexpected twists (hopefully in my favor...haha). I guess I am just nervous that we will run out of things to talk about, and end up just sitting there silent. That would be bad! Anyway I will let you know how it went. I actually might see her tonight too as I am going out with friends and she is going out with hers but we will be in the same town so the chances of funning into each other are quite good. It will be a good chance to casually chat for awhile and possibly get some hints about the date next week.

 

Good luck yourself with this girl...what do you have to lose right?

[boo121]

Kr - assume you can do no wrong!

[Yates33]

This was on another site.

 

I disagree and agree with some of his points. For one thing, the conversation piece is true. It's necessary to stay away from those kinds of topics, but you have to be a little more creative and keep on her feet because, "so, do you like living there?" is just as boring. Also, the no touching before kissing is silly IMO. I think it is appropriate and safe, once into the date, to touch her lightly for small things...like on her shoulder when telling her something. Her acceptance of your touch is an indicator that she might be receptive to kissing. It's warming her up and making her feel comfortable around you.

 

The choosing an "inexpensive" date is also good, but why sit in a bar/coffee shop? How about awkward silences? I prefer to go to a cheap activity...for example, window shopping. Or a museum. You'll hardly ever have awkard silences there because there are so many things to comment on/make fun of and in doing this you get to know more about her personality which is much more effective and fun than, "so do you like living here?" Someone's personality is known by how they act, not by what they say.

 

Just my two cents.

[krnelson2]

Thanks for all the help guys and gals!!!

 

Well she ended up coming out with us Friday night...which i see as a good sign becuase she was originally supposed to meet some of her friends out..but decided to come out with us instead. It was my friend his wife, myself and this girl. So I see that as a plus that she was willing to come out with us knowing it was only going to be the 4 of us.

 

We had a great time out, probably too much to drink but fun. We ended up kissing in the car on the ride home (good sign number two?) so we got that part out of the way. The following evening I had to work until about 11 and wasnt feeling the greatest after work so Iwent home. She sent me a text asking if I was done with work, and asked me to come out for a drink...I declined politely cause I was not feeling well. Was this a good idea? I also didnt want to make it seem like I wanted to see her all the time (although I do! )

 

The following day I sent her a text asking how her night was, she said long. And we joked about all of the bad influences in her life that kept her out too late (the night we went out she didnt plan on staying out late cause she had to work the next morning but she ended up staying out till bar close with me). She said she had fun though.

 

Thursday we are going to have dinner, she seems pretty excited about it.

 

From what you read above, does anyone see good signs, bad signs?

 

And how do I keep my mind off her this week, I literally layed in bed last night thinking about her. But I obviously dont want to hound her with texts, calls, emails...that sort of thing. I have done a pretty good job of playing it cool so far...but in the past this is about the time when I would get clingy or start to wear my heart on my sleeve...any advice about this upcoming week so I dont end up wasting all of my time analyzing the present situation...after all I do have work to do!!

 

Any advice, comments, would be greatly appreciated!!!

 

Thanks All -KR

[Dating Coach]

krnelson, it sounds like she's got a good interest level in you but it also seems like you're interest level is way higher than hers. Slow that down some. Keep busy.

[krnelson2]

Thanks DC! I totally agree with you. It seems though that she is the one that is initiating contact for the most part. I have been trying to keep it short and cordial. I am feeling very confident about Thursday and am going into the date with a very open mind and no expectations.