Im just confused.

[Russ]

This topic touches on so many of the forum topics, I wasn't sure where to place it at first.

 

First of all, I've been going out with my girl about 4 months now.

 

Anyways, the first problem is, she makes me miserable. Mostly with stupid remarks she doesn't mean, but won't stop making if I bring it up, responding with a "I was just joking", etc. It's like the first month or so, where a couple tries to establish dominance. This is like that mechanism broke down and never ended in our relationship. I dont even bother trying to establish dominance, but she still tries to be the controlling one.

 

Secondly, she's got a mild bipolar disorder. So she claims, anyway. Bipolarity means a changing of moods for prolonged periods at a time. But it has been justified several times. Maybe it's a backdoor for her whenever she realizes she goes too far.

 

Today she was talking about how one of her friends always takes her for granted, "thinking that I'll be there for her no matter how she treats me", and I realized this is exactly what she does to me. It's like shes permanently playing hard to get, even though I already got her a long time ago. She only reciprocates my affection when she goes into random moods of affection. Which, once again, justifies the bipolar issue.

 

Anyways, my deal is, I'm not sure if I want to continue this relationship. Is it healthy for us to be like this? I've been having thoughts of breaking it off with her, simply because she does take my affection for granted, but every time I start thinking about the details of it, I get extremely upset. There's something about her that keeps me from doing it. And let me clarify, talking to her about the fact that she doesn't show me love just makes me feel way too effeminate and stupid.

 

Anyways, my two questions are, is this relationship healthy, and should I ultimately do anything to preserve it/break it off?

[Sn0man]

Maybe try telling her that you feel underappreciated? Like you're feelings for her are being taken advantage of?

 

If thats not something you can do then i'd seriously consider ending the relationship now before it gets worse. The longer you date someone the harder it is to break up with them. You start justifying their behavior because you want to stay with them. Don't let it get that far.

[Angel_baby]

If you want to try to continue and work this relationship out you are going to have to sit down and talk to her even though you think it might feel stupid. If you truly care for her you will.

 

It sounds to me that you both have your own problems... She takes things for granted and you have trouble communicating.

 

You need to make her aware of what she is doing but without accusing her of doing so. Have you thought maybe that she is just so caught up with things in life that she is accidentally leaving you behind? Maybe all she needs is a reminder.

 

There is always going to be a dominant people on earth.. If she is trying to be the dominant one in the relationship and you don't like it... means you are most likely dominant also and you two are butting heads about it. It is harder when there are to dominant people in the relationship but it doesn't mean it is doomed.

 

Both sides need to remember that you can't control the other person. Every person is entitled to do what they want within reason.

 

Sit down when you are both calm and have "the talk".

[ghost69]

i'd be out. but if you sit her down and explain all of this to her, she should fix it. if not, and she doesn't seem to care, or she gets defensive, get out right then and there.

[Russ]

Alright, then that's the plan of action. I'll talk to her and depending on what she responds with, either stay with her or break it off.

 

Thanks to all.

[Bubbs]

I've been in darn near the same situation. Walk away. I tried for 9 months with a woman like that, and all I have to show for it is a pile of ash where my heart once was. Get away from her and never contact her. She will never stop.