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Is it better or worse...


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Hi, I know that most people say that after break up, it's best to go NC and that if the dumper doesn't contact you when you say you need NC, then they are just respecting your wishes and it's better that way.

 

But sometimes I wonder...

 

I know that it probably prolongs the pain and makes healing longer, but deep down, I think it'd make me feel like at least I meant something and there was something he needed from me, even if his contact was for selfish reasons.

 

If he was able to stay completely away, even if I know it's because he's respecting my wishes, I can't help but feel like how can he have the will power to stay away from me right away? Never contact me? I'd like I never meant anything and question if everything we had was fake.

 

So, is it better or worse if they show that they do care after a break up? If they tried to be friends with you? If they showed concern? If they told you they missed you? While making it clear they don't want reconciliation?

 

Any thoughts or opinions? Thanks!

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I asked all the same questions, but in the long run NC helps to clear both parties heads.

 

I think one thing that really set me back is when I did speak to the ex and he stated he still missed and cared about me, I wish the conversation had remained platonic. After that I read into everything said in the conversation, only to have him not follow through. Not good!

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I think that if you asked for NC, you've got what you wanted. You don't know if it's hard for him to maintain no contact because that's the very essense of the idea. You're supposed to be trying to move on, not wondering why he hasn't contacted you.

 

Perhaps LC, less contact, was what you needed... or possibly now need. If you want him as a friend I'd say the earnest is on you.

 

Give him a call and say thank you for respecting your wishes re and that you're ready to be friends (if that's what you want?)... otherwise... you have him out of your life now, so stop worrying.

 

*sighs* you just can't have it both ways. I'd prefer that whilst in NC people dont try to contact me. That's a greater sign of respect to me than being a pain in the *** while you try to cut them out of your life.

 

Just my 2 cents!

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Thanks Holly and tux!

 

Yeah, I'm currently in LC with him cuz we work together so it's impossible to do NC. He's the one that wanted to be friends but we both kind of avoiding each other. We broke up after an argument and after the breakup, I've always been the one to contact him and he's never contacted me. But he's said that he's wanted to reach out to me just I happen to always beat him to it (even though I've only contacted him every 2-3 weeks in the beginning). I believed him in the beginning, but stopped believing him or expecting to reach out in any way to me or contacting him. But it makes me wonder if anything we had was real even though to be fair I can see that he's still in some pain.

 

It's been a little over 5 months, so I'm pretty okay for the most past. I guess the reason I asked is thinking over all my relationships and why this last one hurt the most. I've had a previous ex cheat on me and break up with me for a girl who I have to admit fits him better and now I only think back on him with fondness and understanding. He also contacted me and was sweet to me after the breakup. You can say that it was out of selfishness, but for some reason it's comforting to think that I had something to offer that he couldn't quit completely cold turkey. But this last one was good and devoted to me, but the way he acted after the breakup makes me really question everything and really angry at times. Maybe I'm not 100% over it, but I think I'm at a rational enough point to not be too emotional. So I wonder really if everything comes down to that last impression they give you?

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