Heart still skips few beats...

[Pegasus]

...my relationship ended almost year and half ago. It lasted almost 4 years which ended by her cheating and leaving with that guy. It was a long time since I last saw her...really long.

 

But today, I was in a restaurant having lunch with a friend. When I finished, I turned around and there she was...with a guy she cheated me on and left me for. My heart stopped. It just didn't beat anymore. I totally froze. The rest of my day is living hell...like first few months after BU.

 

I just can't get over it. I dated 3 girls since BU, one of them for almost 3 months, but seems she can't get out of my heart.

 

I hope it will end soon..and if it won't...i hope my life will end. Or I will end it myself.

[rich0323]

It takes lots of time to get over a true love but you will heal. Of course it's very hard to believe that and I can say I've been through it for over a year now. The best way to heal though is no contact for a while.

 

I think you seeing her and him together though triggered terrible thoughts in your head. If I ever see my ex and the guy she left me for together I don't know how I would react.

[lazer]

First of all, don't talk like that. It will end soon. Four years is a long time, and it is completely normal to still have those pangs...everyone goes through it. Can you imagine how it must feel for someone who has been married for 20 plus years to find out their partner was cheating on them and then leaving them for that person? Imagine if kids were involved? I'm not trying to make your situation sound like nothing worth feeling crappy about. You need to go through those emotions, but certianly don't think about your life ending. Don't give her THAT much power. What she did was inexcusable, and in my opinion a huge weight SHE will have to carry with her. I don't know all the details of your relationships...the ups and downs and her story...BUT there is NO REASON a person can't be honest.

 

I can only imagine the pain that you must be going through, but you really do have to try to see yourself moving past it. Yes, people will cheat, and YES people will grow tired of their partner/relationship/situation/whathaveyou...but there is always another chance for something great. You take the good with the bad...you learn from it and you move on.

 

I know this may all sound like the same blather everyone spews out in such circumstances, but it really is the absolute fundamental truth when it comes to relationships. It hurts, but in time you'll see her out and feel sorry for her. You'll look her in the eye and she will remember what she did, but it won't matter to you anymore because you will have moved on to something better for yourself...and she will have that weight to carry.

[PixelPusher]

Dude. NO ONE is worth taking your life over. Yes, this sucks completely. But think of it as another bump in the road to acceptance and a better life on the other side. We ALL have to go through stuff like this.

 

How long has it been since she cheated, etc? Having 3 girlfriends is no indication of healing. Only time and self-reflection will help you get through it. Not to be a downer but my therapist told me it takes and average of 18-months to heal from a bad breakup. And that is working through it... not just denying and trying to bury the pain under other relationships.

 

You can do it... just take a deep breath and every time you think about her, change your thought pattern to something completely different and POSITIVE.

[jettison]

At some point, you won't replace her in your heart with a new woman. You'll replace he with yourself. When that day happens, you'll feel a tremendous sense of joy and relief.

 

You'll then feel free to give your heart to a new woman. Then eventually it will get broken, and you'll end up back here on ENA.

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

Change

Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel. Thats why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death, the wheel of time. It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death, death is followed by birth; love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love; success is followed by failure, failure is followed by success. Just see! If you can watch just for a few days, you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern. One day, a fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy, and another day you are so dull, so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide. And just the other day you were so full of life, so blissful that you were feeling thankful to God, that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness, and today there is great complaint and you dont see the point why one should go on living.... And it goes on and on, but you dont see the pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it.

 

- Osho

[Snoopy24]

Aww, I'm sorry you had to run into her. That's always hard when feelings are still there.

 

Well the good news is, "they" say it takes about half the time you dated someone to fully get over them.

 

So that means pretty soon your feelings you still have her should start fading. : -)

 

I know how hard it is. I had two three year relationships. I broke up with both of them, but one was my first true love and it probably took a good year and a half to get over him. Which makes that theory correct!

 

But look at it this way. You spent a good 4 years with her. You loved her. And you should always treasure those good memories with her. Take that relationship as a learning experience. The person who she is today is not the same person who you fell in love with.

 

You should actually feel bad for her new boyfriend. Most likely she leave him in a few years for someone else. That seems to be the type of person who she is.

 

So, look forward. Not backwards. Don't let one person control your feelings and happiness. You are still so young. And you will find someone else who will appreciate you.

[PixelPusher]

Well the good news is, "they" say it takes about half the time you dated someone to fully get over them.

 

I'm curious where you got this information. I completely (and respectfully) disagree. If that were true, it would take me over 5 years to get over my marriage. I'm two years out and never been happier. (And my happiness has nothing to do with my girlfriend).

 

Regardless of who says how long it will take, the only SURE thing is that it won't go away by itself. You might be able to bury the pain but it will always stay lurking, and will come up in the weirdest situations. Only thing you can do is consciously work through it, as painful as it is. Yes, it takes a long time, but it can and will happen.

[Snoopy24]

I'm curious where you got this information. I completely (and respectfully) disagree. If that were true, it would take me over 5 years to get over my marriage. I'm two years out and never been happier. (And my happiness has nothing to do with my girlfriend).

 

Regardless of who says how long it will take, the only SURE thing is that it won't go away by itself. You might be able to bury the pain but it will always stay lurking, and will come up in the weirdest situations. Only thing you can do is consciously work through it, as painful as it is. Yes, it takes a long time, but it can and will happen.

 

I honestly don't remember. I know I read it somewhere and heard it from someone else on two separate occasions. It's fine that you don't agree. And Of course it is not the same for everyone! But for myself anyway that's how it has pretty much been in most cases. Except I had one boyfriend of 3 years I was completely over it the day we broke up.

[Pegasus]

Unbelivable... again today on the gas station. And we don't even live in the same town AAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh