Redtake Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Well, how to start. We've met like 5 months ago, and i really started to get close with her. After like 2 months it got a bit out of control, so i realized that i'm another guy in friend zone who wanted to get out. But that's not the issue here. The problem is, that she has this boyfriend, who cheated on her, she gave him another chance, he controls her fully, she accepted that. And recently he got a bit tipsy and they broke up last saturday, because he kept calling her a * * * * * and etc. for just dancing near to someone. And after 3 days she went back to him. But before she mentioned me that she doesn't love him, and is not planning to be with him. After this academic year, she will be gone to her country. So the problem is, that i just lost respect to her totally. Seeing her today made me sick of how weak she is and how she complain about him that he is treating her like an item. But still she jumps to him to do that and let's him. For some of you, my lack of understanding her might seem a bit shallow or egoistic, but i guess it's because i was raised by a single mom which brought me while she was still living in orphanage (and she survived on her own till now). So i just can't help it, i only respect tough and self sufficient women. Anyway, i just don't want to behave like a coward and ignore + forget. What i'm asking is just a little advise what to say to her, that i don't wanna see her anymore, and tell her why. But not in the violent and harsch way. So that's the problem, the reason is harsch, and i hate to lie to people. Any suggestions? Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 why do you want to ditch her..maybe as a friend, you can help her? I would tell her straight out that you enjoy being her friend, but that it pains you to see this guy treating her with no respect and that it hurts you too much to be around and hear it. sit her down and let her know that you care about her...don't make it harsh or you will get her upset. don't tell her that you don't respect her...that is a bit tough. don't lie either, but just lighten it..i think she will get the picture. Link to comment
Redtake Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 why do you want to ditch her..maybe as a friend, you can help her? It's kinda hard to approach it from this way. I mean, i've spent alot of my time for her, been there for her. She even said that she is sick of him, and will dump him after she will be going back to her country. I mean, i just don't see her point of being with him, it's even better to be alone, oh come on, i can't imagine bigger hipocrism. And i just feel used as a time killer or emotional doormat. I just can't look at her without being discusted, because of this huge dissappointment (thats how you spell it? sorry im not english). But i'll think about it, no radical stuff from mi side, but still i doubt that i can make myself to keep it going. Link to comment
desertsoul Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Your situation sounds pretty similar to some of my own personal experiences. So, I have to ask: Are you sure you're not just jealous because you've apparently been friend-zoned? I know it's hard to watch someone accept being treated like dirt by a SO when you feel that you would be a much better companion. I've lost a friend because of this before, and I can't say that I wish things had turned out differently. The amount of emotional turmoil I felt dropped dramatically. I think that if that is the real reason, it would be a lot easier to "break up" with her. Just tell her how it is, that you need a break from seeing her because you have feelings for her that aren't mutual. You can do it without being harsh. And if it's not the real reason, well, I guess all that I can really advise you to do is to try to accept that it's her life and she can make mistakes if she chooses to. Humans are often emotionally driven, so a lot of things that they do don't make much sense. If the only reason that you respected her before was for the strength that she apparently didn't have, well, then you weren't really very good friends to begin with. I'd say spare her feelings and withdraw yourself as quietly as possible. Link to comment
Redtake Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I dunno if i'm jelous. I can describe what i wanted to say to her at monday. Which was pretty similar to your advise. I wanted to tell her that i want to distance myself from her, because i have feelings for her, but she is with someone else. On that monday i heard from her whole saturday story and that they broke up. So i couldn't just leave her, and say what i wanted to. She really wanted to spend whole day with me, and just release all the frustration. And i even didn't think for once to start seriously dating her, it was too early and she needed something else. So that weekend i was just looking forward to tell her it and move forward. But this situation occurred. So, uhm, now when she is back with him i just got shocked, a feeling of waste of time, not only those 3 days, but whole time. Even this friendship wasn't mutual - well that's how i felt it. But thanks for advise, i can say same thing what i wanted to say in the first place, about distancing myself. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 So the problem is, that i just lost respect to her totally. Seeing her today made me sick of how weak she is and how she complain about him that he is treating her like an item. But still she jumps to him to do that and let's him. For some of you, my lack of understanding her might seem a bit shallow or egoistic, but i guess it's because i was raised by a single mom which brought me while she was still living in orphanage (and she survived on her own till now). So i just can't help it, i only respect tough and self sufficient women. I don't blame you and I don't find this to be at all egotistical. I would be sickened as well by a friend who complained and whined about a poor situation and kept going right back to it. Like you i would lose all respect for him or her and i can't be friends with a person i don't respect. I think you should be upfront and tell her that you are tired of hearing about how bad this relationship is and her jumping back into it everytime and that you wish her well but it is better for you at this time to move away from this friendship. There is no need to be violent (not sure why you even mentioend that, eek) or harsh. Be firm and direct. Let her know that this is just something you feel you need to do but that you wish her well. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I don't blame you either. I'd say, "Listen, I care about you but I can't sit here and watch this happen to you. I'm sorry, but I'm losing respect for you because of how you allow yourself to be treated by this guy." After that, cut off contact. It'll give her someting to think about. Link to comment
Redtake Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Well, i guess i don't have to do anything. Today she just totally ignored me, and couldn't look into my eyes when we were at university. That just makes it more easy. Sorry for taking your time guys, and gals Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.