SwEeTLiLGuRL Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 My friend, Shane and I have some history. I was dating a guy, Paul, and he and Shane were friends. So I was always in the background kind of thing. When Paul and I split Shane sided with me, thought Paul was treating me wrong, and ended up never speaking to him again. I was always thinking about making a move on Shane then, but he started dating another girl, and I moved on, to my next ex actually .. So 2 years later I move back to town and on a whim, call Shane. We've been hanging out regularly over the past 6 months. There's flirting, questionable comments, and all together just a great time always. I really have stong feelings for him, he's never let me down, and always respected me. My friends say they think the feeling is mutual, my brother says the same. They see how we are together, they would know I guess? But even with the obvious comments he still mentions other girls, that he liked, and may try contacting again. So I'm a little confused....I wouldn't be contemplating this if I didn't think this could actually turn into something. We've been friends for 8 years now, I'm wrestling with losing that. So please, thoughts, comments, SUGGESTIONS...Anyone else ever tried this? If so bad or good? Link to comment
ResonanceTheory Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I actually am in a relationship with one of my first and closest friends that I met at college (PS, I noticed you're from Ocala, I go to UF!). We were both in relationships at the time, but I realized that I felt very strongly for him and that he was everything that I really wanted in a guy. I felt as if we were good enough friends to just tell him how I felt and have him not hold it against me even if he didn't feel the same way, so I just told him. It turns out that we were really perfect for one another, and we were able to see that BECAUSE we were such good friends. I'm extremely glad that I told him how I felt because this is, by far, the BEST relationship I could ever imagine. I definitely advocate dating someone with whom you have already built a close friendship. Despite what you might think, it's not any less exciting than dating someone that you just met, and I think it definitely eliminates a lot of issues of basic compatibility. So in short, I really think you should take the chance...and if he's as good a friend as you think he is, you telling him that you're attracted to him shouldn't be something terrible, even if he doesn't feel the same way. If he does, there's a chance for a great relationship. Take it from me. My relationship has totally changed my ways of thinking when it comes to dating, and I doubt that, were I single again, I would enter a serious relationship with anyone with which I didn't have a previously established relationship. Link to comment
rockr Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 6 months and still you guys havent dated. flirt with him , show that you are interested. one of two should ask the other one out. its about time you start dating this guy if you want a relationship with him otherwise friendship will come in between anything more . i didn't wait 6 days after i came back and started dating my best friend who asked me out while i was away. its all about action nowadays. Link to comment
CandyKins Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I wouldn't date my best friend. But if I were to I wouldn't allow it to be based on sex. It would only ruin the relationship and cause other problems. Some people get confused after they had sex with their friend you know. Link to comment
SwEeTLiLGuRL Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 LoL yeah sex wouldn't be happening quite yet. I've done the physical relationship, and that's all there is is sex, no other combatibility... Sigh...I see how this could work though. If I were to tell Shane and he didn't have those mutual feelings I am positive he wouldn't stop talking to me. He is just not that kind of person. Gosh how wonderful it would be, if it were mutual?? Who knows? Only the future will tell, the ball is in my court and it is time to put it in his... Link to comment
SwEeTLiLGuRL Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Oh and Resonance, just so you know..I used to live in Gainesville, that's where Shane is now. And we are big Gator fans, nice thing we bonded over! I'm currently waiting for nursing school at SFCC, GO GATORS Link to comment
stella74 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 So in short, I really think you should take the chance...and if he's as good a friend as you think he is, you telling him that you're attracted to him shouldn't be something terrible, even if he doesn't feel the same way. If he does, there's a chance for a great relationship. Take it from me. My relationship has totally changed my ways of thinking when it comes to dating, and I doubt that, were I single again, I would enter a serious relationship with anyone with which I didn't have a previously established relationship. I feel the same way. My very first long term, serious relationship (and first love) was with my best friend at the time. We'd been best friends for about 4 months before we started going out. And ever since, I've never wanted to be in a relationship with someone with whom I wasn't friends first. But I've also been close friends with a couple of men who didn't share my feelings, and that can hurt. Nonetheless, it's worth the risk. And if you're good friends, the friendship can withstand talking about this. In fact, it can make it stronger. The main question you have to ask yourself is if you can withstand losing the friendship if it comes down to that. Link to comment
enchiladaman Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I was friends with a girl for 7 years and we were in a relationship the last 2. When we broke up I lost my girlfriend and very best friend. As much as I loved our relationship, I would give anything to go back in time and not cross the friendship line because she was a truly special friend that is now completely out of my life and it was like having a brother or sister die. That said, I've had no luck with relationships that start off too fast too soon and will never be with another girl whom I haven't had the chance to get to know first. I'm talking a few months of casual dating. Otherwise you're taking a big gamble as to who you are getting involved with. You just can't possibly no someone after a few days or weeks. Link to comment
boomshanks Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 ya im dating my best friend right now. we were best friends for like a lil over a year when we started dating. we were eachothers support and crutch. our past relationships both all used to fail because we would spend too much time with each other and not our bf/gf. and now that we are together its the happiest both of us ever been in a relationship Link to comment
SwEeTLiLGuRL Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Well this past weekend, I couldn't muster the courage to mention my feelings in person. I did however..obviously "high from cold medicine" write a nifty little blog on my MySpace page....ugh I know MySpace...Anyhow I wrote down a list of my priorities and a few loose ends that needed some attention. One of those loose ends was my lack of being able to tell the "friend" my true feelings. I went on to say I would make the right move when the time felt right. and so on and so forth. Well he read my blog a few days later, and commented on it saying and I quote "All the signs are around you to do the right thing ;0) Nice blog." So after having my heart leap into my throat, and I gaining my composure, I realized the cat is out of the bag, time for the moment of truth. I will be seeing him again this weekend, as this is turning into a usual weekend things...I'll let you know how it goes... \\ Link to comment
switchisoff Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 the best relationships start out as friends....i dated my ex for 3 months and we kinda just grew on each other. Good luck this weekend! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 the best relationships start out as friends....i dated my ex for 3 months and we kinda just grew on each other. Good luck this weekend! i would agree with this 30%. Link to comment
stella74 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 i would agree with this 30%. What about the other 70%? Link to comment
SunshinySpotlessMind Posted January 19, 2008 Share Posted January 19, 2008 It seems some guys totally recommend this and some guys don't. Does it depend on bad experiences or not? I just recently told a friend I like him and he couldn't return the sentiments. Still upset about it. Wanting to know why when I technically have so much more to offer than his previous two exes who were originally friends before officially dating him. I have various posts about it on this forum. Third time I've gotten that kind of reaction when I like a guy who is a friend. Patterns are great as long as they're on clothing. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 What about the other 70%? perfect strangers. Link to comment
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