i miss her 2 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ok, my girl left me in august and started dating some other guy. When I tried to get back with her she gave reasons like, "Well, he is more outgoing than you" "you and me are both introverted people" etc. It was a bunch of crap. We were together for 2 years though. Another thing she said even when she was with this guy was that had she never broken up with her first major bf then she thought they would still be together today. Well, me and her are back together right now but I know she still talks to the guy she dated after me and even before we broke up she would hang out with her first bf. Lately she has been acting kind of distant when it comes to sex. She wasn't really like that before and I'm starting to wonder if maybe she is having doubts about us. She still wants to touch me, kiss me, and stuff like that but she said, "be careful, my period is about to start." That was today though and even on Friday she acted like she didn't want to do anything real sexual. She has still been talking about getting a place together sometime in the future but now I'm starting to wonder, what if she is just being with me now because she doesn't want to be alone? Some of the reasons she gave for breaking up with the rebound guy were that he was just too different, lived too far away, and had some bad habits, etc. Plus she said things felt right between us now and I had worked on some of my issues. But, what about her first bf and that crazy stuff she said about had they not broken up she would still be with him? Yet, even before me and her broke up she would talk about him and how she didn't like his drug habits and felt like there were alot of bad things about him. Is she just insane or what? I actually did bring up the lack of sex lately thing tonight and she said she has just been really tired which I can understand because she has been working alot but normally I don't think she would not even let me take her pants off. She just seemed differnt this last friday and tonight about being intimate. I'm not sure if I should ask her if more is going on or not. I even just saw on her facebook that her first bf left a comment on her wall saying, "Hey * * * * * cat we need to hang out before I go back to school.." And I know he probably just wants to try and hook up with her. Should I be jealous? Link to comment
havefaith Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Regardless of whether or not she's creeping, this relationship is not going to fly if you can't trust her. If you are going to overanalyze constantly because you have been burned before, you are going to drive her (and yourself!) out of the relationship. I recommend finding yourself a good read on getting back together. Also from personal experience it's very unhealthy to jump right back into the old relationship. You are probably going to encounter all the same problems from the first relationship. If you aren't willing to go slow and essentially start over, I don't believe you are addressing previous problems and may be in for heartache. I would get in the driver's seat and slow things down. Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Regardless of whether or not she's creeping, this relationship is not going to fly if you can't trust her. If you are going to overanalyze constantly because you have been burned before, you are going to drive her (and yourself!) out of the relationship. I recommend finding yourself a good read on getting back together. Also from personal experience it's very unhealthy to jump right back into the old relationship. You are probably going to encounter all the same problems from the first relationship. If you aren't willing to go slow and essentially start over, I don't believe you are addressing previous problems and may be in for heartache. I would get in the driver's seat and slow things down. Ok, well I suppose for a few weeks we did take things slow. I wasn't even seeing her on the weekends like I use to and we weren't exchaning "I love you's" or anything. I don't really know how to go about "slowing things down" at this point. It might make her think I don't really even want to be with her. It might throw her off. I just don't know how to go about doing that. Can you suggest a good read on getting back together? What makes you think I'm not addressing previous problems? Link to comment
havefaith Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ok, I got back together with my boyfriend of 2.5 years about 5 months ago. We STILL haven't exchanged I love you's. Why? Because one time we tried to get right back together. It didn't work! You have to rebuild... something obviously went wrong the first time. The way I can tell you haven't dealt with the problems is because you are super paranoid. You can't stop her from seeing whoever she wants. You have to sit back and have some faith... and be confident. If it's meant to be, it will, so I would just relax and back off. Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ok, I got back together with my boyfriend of 2.5 years about 5 months ago. We STILL haven't exchanged I love you's. Why? Because one time we tried to get right back together. It didn't work! You have to rebuild... something obviously went wrong the first time. The way I can tell you haven't dealt with the problems is because you are super paranoid. You can't stop her from seeing whoever she wants. You have to sit back and have some faith... and be confident. If it's meant to be, it will, so I would just relax and back off. Well, she said it first. I don't know what to do then. It's official, we are back together. SHe even told her friends that "we are serious." Yes, I am paranoid. I need to stop being so. When you say she can see whoever she wants, you mean I shouldn't be paranoid about her seeing her other ex or seeing the rebound guy? I don't know how I can back off when she say's we are back together. It will make me look like I'm trying to dump her. I guess I could not be overly aggressive with her. Another thing that was mentioned tonight was that I was being quiet and she was being quiet too. I even brought that up. It seems like we are running out of things to say to each other and I need to fix that as well. Link to comment
leo_s84 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Another thing that was mentioned tonight was that I was being quiet and she was being quiet too. I even brought that up. It seems like we are running out of things to say to each other and I need to fix that as well. You don't need to fix anything. Seems to me that you're thinking you're the one to blame for everything when a relationship takes 2 to work. Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 You don't need to fix anything. Seems to me that you're thinking you're the one to blame for everything when a relationship takes 2 to work. There's gotta be a way I can spice things up though! lol.. Link to comment
havefaith Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Dude, backing off does not mean you are dumping her. What I mean by backing off is spending more time in your own life... ie showing her that you have your own hobbies and if push came to shove you could live just fine without her. Sounds like you're a bit of a doormat and she thinks she can get away with whatever. If you just chill and stop trying to control everything, and instead go out and live your own life, it will work wonders in your relationship. I am an ex-control freak. TRUST ME. In terms of spicing up a relationship, it's the spiciest thing you can do. Link to comment
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