So, We Are Back Together, But Now What??

[trying2007]

Some of you may know my story, but here it is in a nut shell. In october of last year my wife came to me and said that we needed to get some help with our relationship, that we had lost the passion and we were in a major rut. I was being needy, smothering and she wasnt sure if she was in love with me or not any longer. After months of therapy, separation, struggle, and tears, we have been back in the same home since xmas. We are actually doing well, for the most part. Im not needy or smothering anymore, and im working on becoming more and more confident daily. We are trying to do things apart more too, as well as doing more things in general.

 

Here is my question, we are back to the base issue of passion. We talked tonight and we both acknowledge that we have grow a lot in the past few months and that we are doing better, but that she still doesnt "FEEL" that thing toward me that much, and that we still lack the passion she is looking for in our relationship.. One thing i have been trying to figure out for myself is why i am so shy in initiating sex and intimacy and I think im getting better, but im not there yet. She wants me to TAKE her and show her the passion rather than tell her thats its there, fair enough. Has anyone else been in this situation and what helped. We are somewhat like strangers together, we havent been able to get back to being best friends like we were, but we both realize its a long process and neither of us are ready to give up.. You all have helped me through the tough times and I would love some more help as my wife and I continue on our path toward wherever!!

[trying2007]

wow, I think this is the first thing that i have posted that has no comments....not sure how to take that...

[samross]

Have you guys considered a sex therapist? I honestly haven't been in such a situation to the degree you're talking about but it might help. I think most people at one time or another have trouble in this area and are reluctant to talk about it or to try to get help when help is actually available.

 

One thing that is definitely working against a couple in this situation is the hightened expectation each time and the disappointment at failure. It can grow greater each time. You have to find a way to break the circle and I think a therapist can help you do that. Also, you might consider seeing a doctor to make sure there isn't a medical reason for the decreased interest.

[trying2007]

thanks, we are seeing a therapist, not a sex therapist per say, but ill ask her about that at my appt on monday. I know we need to break that cycle, and the increased expectations and dissapoinment is a good point, thx

[samross]

Sometimes the best therapy is too learn to laugh about it when it fails. It removes the tension and the expectation and can really help.

[remainstrong]

So nice to hear of a couple who are working at it... sorry im in no position to advice tho

[trying2007]

its ok, we both look at it like another step towards our future, we have no problem being together, but since we have been trhough so much we just hope this can be the last part of the pain. we both are content on working through it tho and that makes me think it will work.

[redsquare]

go bungee jumping, surely there is a place to do that in FLORIDA!! x

[trying2007]

go bungee jumping, surely there is a place to do that in FLORIDA!! x

we have thought about skydiving!

 

but i get your point

[leo_s84]

we have thought about skydiving!

 

but i get your point

 

Skydiving is awesome...totally recommend it, and it's safer than bungee jumping