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Sad.. About to break NC

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I'm new here as you can tell. Me and my gf of almost 8 months broke up on Dec 28th. I've read a few things here and they have helped me quite a bit but I'm starting to really get down. Today would have been our anniversary and i'm finding it hard, so hard that i want to text or call her


a bit of a background:

we were living together and everything, we talked about marriage and kids and a future together, she was the best thing that happened to me. but i made a few mistakes and she did too. mine were a lot worse tho, i never cheated or anything, i never even checked out girls when we were together. i had no desire to actually.

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more detailed:


we started in may 07. she is vietnamese and im caucasian.. it was awesome when we first started together. but she is quite independent and doesn't show much affection. i started to become needy cause she would barely ever show that she cared.. in september we broke up for about a week, got back together and i assured her everything would be alright. in october she went to vietnam to meet family and stuff, and things were good between us, we talked on the phone and she even wanted a promise ring for christmas. time passed and on dec 1 she came home, but from the second i saw her i knew something was different. driving home from the airport she told me that she didnt want the ring anymore, saying that she was scared she was going to lose it. right then and there that sealed my suspicion. we fought and fought but she wouldnt tell me the truth. then a week later i finally got the truth out of her. during her stay in vietnam she lost her feelings towards me, why? i don't know. all she said is that she had time to think about things and wasn't sure anymore.


after that fight i packed up all my things and was about to walk out the door when she asked me not to, saying that she wanted to get her feelings back for me. i stayed and agreed since i didnt want to lose her. a few weeks went by and i started distancing myself just in case this didnt work. then a new guy came into her circle of friends, he was flirting and everything with her. on the 28th she left her phone at home and i went through the txt messages. and saw how they talked just like me and her used to when we first met.


i called her at work and asked her about it, she got mad and told me to leave, that we are done and that she wasn't trying to get over me but now she is. a few days later she called me but i didnt answer. it was probably a call just to return my stuff that i left there. i wrote her a letter and gave her things back to her through her brother. she called me that night and said that she didnt hate me and that she has my stuff and to call or text her on how she would give it back to me. i never responded. i heard on the weekend that she is trying to hang out with my friends or trying to get in contact with them.


thats pretty much it without telling about fights and good times...

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This is a hard situation no matter how you look at it. I had been dating someone for close to three years when we broke up back in the summer. It's hard to fight off the temptation of calling the other person whether it be to get your point accross one last time, or just to simply hear their voice.


I think it would be in your best interest not to call her though, because you did spend a significant period of time together (especially since you lived together), and whenever you have a relationship like that, you run the risk of losing a part of yourself along the way.


I would take some time to grieve and then when you reach the point (and it's different for everyone--the sooner the better) where you feel ready to take control of your life, do so. I really hate when people give the old standard break-up line of "time heals everything," but unfortunately it's true.

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It sounds like you have an extremely insecure,confused girl here.You do not deserve to be treated in the manner she is treating you,but when we love somebody we put up with their bad points too.


I feel that this girl needs to have you out of her life in order for her to try and get a proper perspective on her feelings.Time apart will do this.

I believe if you go after her it will only drive her further from you.By leaving her,she will have time to experience life without you.If it's love she'll come back regardless,so don't push the situation and you'll do no harm.


I know it is easier to break NC and try and fix the problems,but you will actually be making things worse.So take it from me, a more experienced person,that keeping up NC is your best option,by far.Once she knows how you feel about her,that's what matters.

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What if you break NC and it does nothing but put you back at square "uno"?


Then what?


As Bustertypsy wrote, being apart gives her time to think and miss you, if you two are meant to be, but it also gives you time to get yourself back and to figure out what you want.


Also, to quote above "time heals everything". Well, more importantly, even if it doesn't fully heal, it will give you enough time away, to lessen the hurt.

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We have just all been where you are. We may not have travelled the same path, but we all got to the same destination.


I am telling you that I contacted my ex and she BLEW me out of the water, basically implying I was stalking her.


Are you kidding me? This woman who was so fond of me weeks earlier, now wanted me to "leave her alone".


We are trying to tell you that the best thing to do, is to "leave her alone". Let her come to her own conclusions.


As my friend told me, "this is her path. if you try to become part of the solution, you only become part of the problem".


Hang in there...

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Hey buddy, seriously nothing good comes from breaking NC. Like, all it can do is hurt you one way or another.


Option 1) she doesnt answer, you feel crappy

option 2) she answers but is cold, you feel crappy

option 3) she answers and is warm and sweet, you feel good for a second but feel so sad shes not in your life. This is actually the worst option because you will likely break NC some more and see where it can go. You will continually be upset not knowing weather or not she wants you back or not. She will eventually make it clear she doesnt love you anymore and you will feel super crappy. Instead of getting her out of your system, you would have spent the last 2 weeks wondering if she will be coming back.


In the end its way too much pain. Its like when you get a sore on your arm. You put a bandaid on it or stich it and then leave it alone until it is healed. You dont poke at it or touch it a bunch to see if its doing ok. Leave it till you are healed. Dont go poking around with breaking NC. It just hurts and makes healing take longer. After you are healed you can do whatever you want because you honestly wont care anymore.


And who pokes at a wound that has completely healed? No one. Infact, it is hard sometimes to remember exactly where the injury was. Thats how much you will eventually not care.

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hi guys... sorry about the ridicule comment, yesterday was just a bad day for me. i didn't call her but i txt her sister to say goodbye, i had a cry afterwards and then a fight with my mom...


i feel like sunday, i have been getting worse and worse, i got to work this morning and just sat in my car, i didnt want to get out. ive had break ups before, my last relationship was 3+ years and it was hard. but this one, i feel like im just so empty and my mind is just blank except for thoughts of her


ive been at work for almost 30 minutes now and all i can do is sit in front of my laptop and stare at the smilies on the right side of this screen


...im going backwards instead of forwards...

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I've been there too bud... I'm actually still there on some days... I guess it's normal since we've all experienced it... I'm not going to say do something else to keep your mind occupied because i know it's so hard to do that when she's all you're thinking about... Again, i was there.


Read thru different threads on this forum and all the advice other members have posted... I know it made me feel good... it was really for a short period but still i felt ok about the whole thing...


Good luck bud.

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This may not help much, but you will go backwards.


I have lost 2 women I cared much about in 2 years. Whether are not either of them were meant to be, it is still not much fun when it happens.


YOU will go backwards!!!


I STILL wonder what I am doing where I am, at ALL. I am away from my family, my kids, the area I know, all MY friends have moved away and I basically don't even know if I like my job.


I have a hard time concentrating anyway and this only makes it worse.


I know how you feel.


You will go backwards...but enough backwards will start you moving forward.

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Be strong and stay busy ... do some enjoyable things - try not to break NC. I totally understand that it's easier said than done.


Unfortunately for me, I'm stuck living w/mine for another month or so ... at least you have complete separation


Wishing you all the best ...

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It might be especially hard to accept because you really have no closure. Things were okay, and then mysteriously she comes back from home in Vietnam and she "lost feelings" for you. I suspect either her family doesn't accept you and pressured her or she perhaps found someone else, or perhaps she is a commitment-phobe.


Regardless, it leaves YOU with no answers and the brain has a hard time accepting something that is open-ended like that. What you have to do is close it yourself by just accepting that you may NEVER know what happened.


It sucks... I know. I've been there, too. No motivation to do anything but just get out and go through the motions. Try to find other things you liked to do on your OWN time. Chill with friends, do something active (hiking, sports, gym).


What HajiMaji said is spot-on. It MAY give you a temporary "high" communicating but it WILL leave you empty and lower than you were before. Ask me how I know. Every time you feel down tempted to call, distract yourself by doing something else. Good luck...

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her family loved me.. that was the reason i moved in. when we first started dating i would sleep there a couple nights out of the week. i remember one day we were sitting in her backyard and her mom came up to us and started talking to my ex (in vietnamese). suddenly they went quiet and both looked at me.. her mom left and she was like "well that was weird", i asked her what. she said that her mom said i should move in. all her family really liked me which was strange for me, something im not used to. they wanted us to be together, i remember the first time we broke up, i called her mom so i could get my stuff from their house, her mom sat on the phone crying cause she was so sad..


when she came back from vietnam i asked her sister if she had met anyone, she assured me that she didn't..


and it was my ex that was always talking about marriage and kids and stuff like that.


the only thing i can really think of, it was too much time apart, her being young, it finally caught up to her, but none of that really matters anymore.


my family keeps telling me that i just miss having someone in my life, the day we broke up for good, i had 2 different girls that pretty much asked me out. so i know i don't want to be with anyone else but her, despite everything that happened

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