scarfoe Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 when a man is not ready to commit because (among many reasons) he feels like hes not in a position financially and emotionally to be in one.... and this is the reason why he cant see a person (me) or ANYONE in his future right now. is that a cop out/full of crap statement or can this be possible? can a man really be so not ready to commit that he cant see NO ONE in his future? ](*,) Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 when a man is not ready to commit because (among many reasons) he feels like hes not in a position financially and emotionally to be in one.... and this is the reason why he cant see a person (me) or ANYONE in his future right now. is that a cop out/full of crap statement or can this be possible? can a man really be so not ready to commit that he cant see NO ONE in his future? ](*,) If he's telling you he's not ready to committ you can pretty much take it as he's not ready to committ to YOU. Throw him back. Link to comment
Tethys Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 It means he doesn't want a relationship with YOU. Sorry... Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I think that if he's not ready to commit, he's not ready to commit...whether its you or not. Later in life he might meet someone when he is ready to commit... It doesn't necessarily have to do with you. Link to comment
cc2006 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I'm ignorant to some generally used terminologies here. .. so .. by "commit" .. what do you mean? Marriage? Monogamy? Sharing a pudding cup? Link to comment
love4life Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 You know, I used to believe that when you met the right person you'd just "know" and everything would fall into place and, suddenly, any fears would dissippate and you'd "commit." Not the case. Now I believe you just "know" you're ready for a real, honest, open relationship and when you meet someone else who's in that same place, you're likely to have yourself a match! Being ready to "commit" is something that happens to a person whether or not someone wonderful is in their life or not. I would believe him if he said he's not ready. Not knowing your situation (and assuming this break-up didn't happen after just a few dates, but after something intimate and consistent had been established), I'm just going to assume that he saw things in you that were REAL and honest, that showed you were emotionally mature enough for a commitment. That can scare away a man (or woman) very easily if he/she isn't honest with him/herself about what they want in life and about who they are. As they say, you have to know yourself to share yourself. This guy's probably still figuring himself out and your honesty is most likely what made him realize he's not up to the challenge. I believe that when a person is ready to commit, they will make concessions for the other person's flaws and insecurities; hence the reason I tell you that his breaking up with you has nothing to do with you - it's his own internal battle in which he's trying to figure out what he wants from HIMSELF. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I think that if he's not ready to commit, he's not ready to commit...whether its you or not. Later in life he might meet someone when he is ready to commit... It doesn't necessarily have to do with you. Not necessarily to do with her.....but I think its better to assume that he means her that way in 4 months if he's anouncing his engagement to another woman she's not left going "I thought he wasn't ready to commit!?" Link to comment
scarfoe Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 no one has broken up with anybody yet... but im about to walk away bec half of me thinks that "not being ready" is a cop out.... but half of me believes that hes really not ready.. bec i saw his immaturity in many different things in life. thanks for all ur replies. Link to comment
scarfoe Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 You know, I used to believe that when you met the right person you'd just "know" and everything would fall into place and, suddenly, any fears would dissippate and you'd "commit." Not the case. Now I believe you just "know" you're ready for a real, honest, open relationship and when you meet someone else who's in that same place, you're likely to have yourself a match! QUOTE] i love ur answer and not bec its what i want to hear..... maybe bec its what i want to hear. =/ Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I think it can mean different things honestly. It all depends on the person saying it to tell the truth. Also depends what you mean by commitment - serious relationship, living together, defining yourself as girlfriend/boyfriend & exclusivity, more than sex, marriage? Sometimes it means "I am not ready to commit to YOU". I see that frequently, as within a few months (or weeks) they are with someone else, and sometimes even married... Sometimes that means they will have "fun" with you but want no more than that, and will commit to someone they do want more with when they meet them. Sometimes it means "I am just not at that point in life at all". And eventually they start thinking they are, and meet someone in that timeframe they begin to feel they are ready. Or they may think they really are not at that point in life at all, but then someone comes along and they realize they really are. In sum, people are pretty dynamic and have different reasons for feeling different things. I would not spend much time with someone whom has made it clear they have no intention of being "serious" with me though if that is something that is important to me - whatever their reasons are behind it, it is incompatible with my own values/needs. Link to comment
Fruitfull1 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I think he means he's not ready to commit to YOU. I say this because he may not be in love with you. If he was REALLY in love he would want to be with you NO MATTER WHAT! Nothing would keep him away from you unless u didn't want to be with him. So it's definitely a cop out. THROW HIS BUTT AWAY! He's so not even worth your time love and energy. When someone comes along that he really wants to be with and they tell him I'm not ready...he's gonna feel the exact same way you feel right now. Link to comment
scarfoe Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 thanks. it still boils down to... "what i want out of life right now" more so than "what he wants out of life right now" Link to comment
love4life Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 scarfoe, your last post is the right attitude to have. Still, even though some of the other posters are specifying he doesn't want to commit to YOU, I still believe that that's because of his own inability to make a decision about what he wants. We've all been there - my sister's currently in that place with a guy she's dating since she only recently got divorced. She really likes him, but she's hesitant. It's really all in the timing. Just don't think there's something you could/should have done to change his mind. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I have found that most guys (or girls) who tell someone they have been seeing a while regularly that they are not ready to commit that they are just not ready to commit to that person. When you meet someone who knocks your sox off you normally want to be exclusive. I know that when this happened to me i just wasn't into that person strongly enough and when i have heard about this in the past in real life with folks and on forums like this it usually means that as well... If he doesn't want to commit and you would like a committed relationship my advicce is move on. At the end of the day if he only means not committing to you or any woman it doesn't matter...he is not going to commit to you and you obviously want that - incompatibility with relationship goals is a strong reason to break up. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Its true in a lot of cases but not always. Sometimes marriage is just the farthest thing from his mind...he's young and doesn't want to settle down. Isn't about you. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.