How to reject someone in a nice way

[m12988]

I wasn't really sure where to post this, so i figured this would be as close as it could get, as there is someone attracted to me. lol

 

Anyway, today i logged on my myspace and saw there was a guy who had messaged me... that i have known since middle school. He always seemed to have a crush on me but he never acted on it and i never did. I am by no means attracted to this guy at all, I am happily taken and planning on getting married to my fiance in a few years. He messaged me and told me Hi, and that he had and has a really big crush on me and would like to chat about it and have my phone number.

 

I dont understand why he even is trying to get me, because i have a huge pic of me and my fiance up on my myspace. Basically, I need to reject him but I am one of those "can't upset anyone" people and i feel guilty a lot if i hurt someone's feelings. I have been on the same end of the stick he has been....Having a crush on someone and the other person has a girlfriend/fiance and i know it can be painful. So can anyone tell me what they'd do in this situation? What would you write if you were in this predicament? I haven't responded to him yet, because i want some advice before i do.

[tmp0620]

Just be honest. Kindness and honestly aren't mutually exclusive. Tell him you're flattered, but that you've got a fiance, are planning on getting married, and that you just never thought of him that way.

 

I've been in his position before. And what caused me the most pain was the fact that the person I was crazy about would never give me any straight answers, even when I'd ask her straight out. It can be hard to reject someone, but it's the kind thing to do. No need for lying or anything, just be honest.

[NorthDallas40]

Just be honest. Kindness and honestly aren't mutually exclusive. Tell him you're flattered, but that you've got a fiance, are planning on getting married, and that you just never thought of him that way.

 

I've been in his position before. And what caused me the most pain was the fact that the person I was crazy about would never give me any straight answers, even when I'd ask her straight out. It can be hard to reject someone, but it's the kind thing to do. No need for lying or anything, just be honest.

 

EXACTLY. This way, you're telling him the truth, not being mean, and giving him a clear message. The WORST thing to do would be to be ambiguous and give the guy a false sense of hope.

[grymoire]

Jnd what caused me the most pain was the fact that the person I was crazy about would never give me any straight answers, even when I'd ask her straight out.

 

Exactly... this is what happened to me as well. The girl that I had a crush on said she liked me only as a friend but wanted to see me everyday and miss me so much even if it was just two three days apart

 

So please tell him honestly that you don't see him in a romantic way AND make sure that your actions meet your words!!

 

Don't say "i am sorry i am not interested" and then say "oh i miss you so much (after not seeing for just 2 days).. can we meet for coffee?" ... That's just cruel.

[m12988]

Yeah, i know, i was just looking for tactful ways to say it. I would never lead him on or anything, just wanted to know if there were ways to say it without sounding rude. My fiance has been lead on before many times and i know how much it hurt him, so i'd never ever do it to anyone.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

Just be honest.. Just tell him that you're in a relationship. To me, it sounds like he might already know this though. So, I think you'll probably have to step it up a notch. I know you don't want to be mean or anything, but this guy is certainly crossing your boundaries. With that being said, I think you have the right to be a little clearer in the way you tell him to back off. Personally, if I was in your situation and some guy was trying to hit on me, knowing that I am in a relationship, I would find that disrespectful on a few levels. For one, he's disrespecting you, by coming at you like your some type of person who would actually cheat on your SO. And secondly, he is really disrespecting your SO...

 

I'm sure if you SO knew about this, he'd probably be ready to do something else. I know that sounds like an immature thing to do, but this guy is really stalking you.

 

Now, it would be different if he was just stopping by to say give a friendly 'hi, how are you?', but from what you stated, he is clearly after something more.

 

I think you should let him know that he needs quit emailing you and leave you alone.

[greensleeves]

Just be honest. Kindness and honestly aren't mutually exclusive. Tell him you're flattered, but that you've got a fiance, are planning on getting married, and that you just never thought of him that way.

 

I've been in his position before. And what caused me the most pain was the fact that the person I was crazy about would never give me any straight answers, even when I'd ask her straight out. It can be hard to reject someone, but it's the kind thing to do. No need for lying or anything, just be honest.

 

I agree with this advice. He may know you're with someone, but if he's been carrying a torch for you for a long time he may have decided to let you know how he feels rather than live with the "what ifs" if he never said anything. I don't believe he's stalking you. If you tell him kindly and he continues to pursue you, THEN it's a problem. Being kind and compassionate is always the best way, until you're given a reason to take a different approach.

[ghost69]

honesty. if i was single, i'd be like 'i'm seeing someone.' that tells them no and they don't feel like i just said 'sorry you aren't attractive enough' crushing their ego.