How Did I Do?

[circi]

I've been posting here for the last month, and a HUGE thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to give their input into my situation. Make no mistake, I want this man back, but only if he has an epiphany and makes a real effort to do so. I'm coming to you again for your thoughts.

 

Quick recap of my situation. Was with the ex for 1 1/2yrs, lived together for the last year. In December I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line. Claimed he did not want to leave but was doing it for me because he did not feel the way he thought he should.

 

The past few weeks he was texting me nightly with how much he misses me, how he's unhappy, etc. Last week I sent him one telling me that I needed him to tell me there was no hope and he replied that he could not do that. Friday morning I asked him why he had not moved yet (the vast majority of his stuff is still here). He said because it will hurt, and he was having second thoughts.

 

We actually spoke for the first time since the breakup on Saturday evening. I was out watching the game and drinking with my friends. I sent him a message asking what he was doing and he replied "missing you". This sent me into a complete tailspin and I proceeded to drink until my friends had to call me a cab. I do not remember much of anything but I know my friends took my phone and one of the guys called and threatened him for doing this to me. TOTAL humiliation when I found this out, we are not kids. I'm 37, he just turned 41.

 

In any event, he called me yesterday morning and we spoke for about 20 minutes. I told him he could not be sending me texts like that anymore, that it did not change anything , served no purpose, and only gave me false hope. I asked about the text that he was having second thoughts and he said he was not having them anymore. (No doubt due to how pathetic and needy I must have seemed Saturday)

 

He called again this morning and it was an odd conversation. I told him that I wanted to be friends with him someday, but right now I need him completely out of my life. Reiterated that I did not want to hear how much he mises me and he tried to tell me AGAIN how much he does, but I cut him off. I said he did not want me back and I wasn't sure if I'd have him if he did, so there was just no point since it only brings me down.

 

He is finally willing to move his stuff out of here, thus the reason for his call today and I commented that I was having a hard enough time sleeping without having to adjust to a new mattress (it's his mattress I sleep on). He offered for me to keep it. He said he has been seeing a therapist and suggested I do the same. I said, but why? I'm doing fine other than when he told me he was missing me and I was drunk. I did NOT want him thinking I was here falling apart at the seams so I .....

 

Told him I'd realized that he wasn't the only one who had gotten into a rut and that I was enjoying getting my life back. Told him I'd lost weight, joined the gym, and now just needed to stop smoking. That I was keeping busy most nights and getting ME back finally. He tried to say it was his fault that I'd lost me and I said no, you didn't make me do anything, it was my own fault. I don't recall how I worked this in, but I told him I'd been on 2 dates but was not interested in either of them. (all of this is true) He said he had not dated at all, nor was he interested in dating. The rest of the coversation was general chit chat, all very upbeat. We talked for about 30 minutes. I ended the conversation with "have a good one!"

 

He called back 15 minutes later and I did not answer. He left a voice mail. He called 4 more times over the next 2hrs. I finally called him back and he said "I didn't call you?" I said oh, then what are all these missed calls? He says "oh, yah, I just wanted to know if you would put my mail in the mailbox when you get home". I said well I'm not coming home after work, but I'll have my son do it and you need to do a forwarding order so it stops coming here. This is the man who did not make any attempt to get his mail for 3 weeks, now this is the 2nd time in a week he's picked it up. I was not home either time.

 

So yesterday he said he is no longer having second thoughts. Today he's said he can't tell me there isn't a chance for us to get back together. Both yesterday and today he tried to tell me how much he misses me but I cut him off. He was very snotty about being told he can't tell me that kind of thing anymore but promised he would not. It KILLED me to say that to him, but I was going through each day waiting for bedtime when I'd get the texts and I know that's not healthy.

 

We have still not arranged for when he will get his stuff because he wanted to do it Thursday or Friday during the day and I told him he was not coming in here when no one was home. I left the door unlocked for him to do it a few weeks ago and he didn't show so I'm not doing it again.

 

I know I've left alot of detail out, but this post is already a daggone book so I just hit the things I think are most relevant.

 

I can't decide if he's trying to back burner me, or if he really is confused and conflicted. Even after telling him 2 days in a row that I need him completely out of my life, I want nothing more than to text him with "COME HOME idiot, you belong HERE and you know it!"

 

So did I do good??

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You did GREAT!!! Good for you. I know how hard this is...you love him....but he has to be able to unconfuse himself first before he would be ready to come back to you. His push pull behaviour is not healthy and only drags you down. If he is half in and half out, you have no choice but too push him completely out so that either he will choose to stay out, or he will re-think things and choose to be completely in. Only being out of his life completely will give him the opportunity to think about things. Just continue on as you are showing a strong face to him...the longer you do, the easier it will be. At 41 he needs to get his act together.

[Lionel Hutz]

We had similar days yesterday. You did well!!

[circi]

You did GREAT!!! Good for you. I know how hard this is...you love him....but he has to be able to unconfuse himself first before he would be ready to come back to you. His push pull behaviour is not healthy and only drags you down. If he is half in and half out, you have no choice but too push him completely out so that either he will choose to stay out, or he will re-think things and choose to be completely in. Only being out of his life completely will give him the opportunity to think about things. Just continue on as you are showing a strong face to him...the longer you do, the easier it will be. At 41 he needs to get his act together.

 

 

Thanks CAD! You have responded to all of my crazy postings, so I know you know most of the full story, lol.

 

Oh and get this - you may recall the work van sitting in front of my house. Well *ahem* I had it towed, they came on Sunday. I felt bad about it so when he called yesterday I wanted to find a way to let him know it was gone and said "BTW, thanks for finally taking the van". I KNOW it was towed, I watched out the window while the cop called the tow truck and watched them tow it. So when I thanked him for moving it finally he did not miss a beat and said "You're welcome!". *the mind boggles*

[circi]

We had similar days yesterday. You did well!!

 

Thanks Lionel I haven't read your posts yet but will go find and check out your day in the morning.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Thanks CAD! You have responded to all of my crazy postings, so I know you know most of the full story, lol.

 

Oh and get this - you may recall the work van sitting in front of my house. Well *ahem* I had it towed, they came on Sunday. I felt bad about it so when he called yesterday I wanted to find a way to let him know it was gone and said "BTW, thanks for finally taking the van". I KNOW it was towed, I watched out the window while the cop called the tow truck and watched them tow it. So when I thanked him for moving it finally he did not miss a beat and said "You're welcome!". *the mind boggles*

 

Well, this is a man who is trying to put on a big show. I bet he got off the phone and then started going crazy about the truck! Not your problem...if he wants to put on an act, let him do it to someone else.

[Lilacs]

Good job. I suggest now that you stop telling him you don't want to hear from him and instead just be silent. Have someone else be there when he gets is stuff. The breaking up (which are what those conversations you've been having still are) has to be over and there needs to be space for it to start fresh. You're obviously in his head. You need him to figure it out now. Best of luck!