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Confusions about dating


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Hello everyone,

I am 26 and I recently got out of a 6 year *serious* relationship. The relationship was unhealthy for me because she was a very high maintenance girl and I sacrificed a lot of my social time with others in order to cater to her needs. Additionally, since I spent my entire adult life (thus far) in a serious relationship, I never really dated at all.


I recently joined link removed in order to get out and meet new people. I really feel the need to do this for two reasons. 1) I do want to get back into a serious relationship and it's hard meeting people because I work long hours, and 2) I feel like the reset button has been pressed on my life and I need to explore new opportunities in order to rediscover the person I am.


So the nice thing about match is that I have been meeting a lot of new people. However, I'm not sure how many people I should be seeing/meeting at once. I've been trying to meet as many as possible just so that I can get a feeling of what's out there and what I like. I'm keeping things pretty casual with everyone I'm meeting. I guess I'm waiting for the right one to walk along. How many dates do you think it typically takes before you realize if they are right for you or not?


Also, there is one girl in particular that I'm interested in. We talk to each other everyday on AIM but have seen each other only twice in person. However, at the end of the second date we ended up making out (nothing more serious than that) for about 2 hours. I have so much fun talking to her online and I love her physical touch, but I'm not sure yet that she is right for me. I still want to see her, but I don't want to give her the wrong ideas. Do you think it's necessary to say something to her about this? I feel like I need to be honest. However, I don't want to make my worries out to be something bigger than what they are...especially since the relationship isn't very serious yet. Also, can someone comment on how normal these feelings are. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy! Ha!



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Sorry to hear about that 6 year relationship. Aw you poor thing..


I personally think it's not of a good mentality to date someone right after a break-up or such a good idea. But seems like you're doing okay..


This girl whom you're interested in. I say, try to decrease the romantic stuff you do. Try and gain a proper friendship with her. In that friendship it must be fully invested, otherwise she won't last for you. Being honest is a good and a positive thing, but it might not be such a good idea in your case. Just give the relationship time, anything can happen you might change your mind about her in a few days or weeks. Does being with her make you happy?

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Well, by "recently"...I mean like 8 months ago. I'm ready to move on. It's just hard because I have very little experience dating. Not sure what I'm supposed to be looking for etc. Part of the reason why I want to start dating again is to better understand the person who I am. Ever since the breakup, I feel like half of myself has been ripped away. So I need to redefine myself. Any advice?

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If you need to understand the person you are, dating isn't the way to do it(sorry to say).


It will help you to know who you are in relation to another person, but not who you are on your own.


Not saying you should sit at home alone, but perhaps you could put as much effort into yourself as you're doing with others? Find new interests and hobbies that you didn't consider. If there was something your ex(es) absolutely hated and you curtailed doing it because they didn't like it, now is a good time to take a second look at it to see if it's something you like.


You can start spiritually - do you like your religion? Are you as involved as you would like to be? Is there something you would like to develop in this area?


You can try physically - are there sports you like and want to be more involved in? Do you exercise or want to try new exercises? Do you exercise more than you want to because other people wanted you to?


Socially - are you happy with your friends? Do you want to spend more or less time with them? Are you happy with your standing in the community? Do you want to do more to help others or are you spreading yourself too thin trying to help too many?




Getting to know yourself better will also help you to define what you like and want in a partner which will make dating easier and more enjoyable.


Good luck! Hope things work out for you.

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