GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Me and my boyfriend have been togheter for almost 5 years. We moved in together in late October. We are broke, I am nagging him for cleaning up. We are going down the drain fast. I love him but I am just so bored with him alot of the time. Its a funny feeling because sometimes he gets on my nerves but when he leaves to go with his friends every once in blue moon I get really upset. REALLY PISSED OFF. I have all these mixed emotions and I am hoping its just a phase. I don't know what to think. He is always there for me, he loves me, he is loyal, faithful. But sometimes I just get bored. I'm evil aren't I? Link to comment
winkie Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 You need to figure out what you want. maybe you should take a little break from each other. Go away for the weekend. You could also try reconnecting by going on a date night, wearing something sexy, be considerate of each others feelings. You should talk to him about this but please do not tell him you are bored with him....you are just toooooooo comfortable. Do not let someone go because you are in a rut. You have to work at this every relationship needs work especially when you live together. Sometimes that takes the fun out of things.........rekindle it, make dinner like a restaurant serve him in a bra and underwear. Do exciting things just because you are together 5 yrs does not mean you cant go bck to the way it was if he is that important to you. " Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have" Link to comment
tom_duley Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I hope that if y'all are broke he is not spending too much money out with his friends. It is important to have your own habits/life though. It will help keep you out of the rut. You should do stuff together that is free/inexpensive, and out of the house. If you are having trouble getting him to do things around the house make a chore list so you share the responsibility. Make reward system for completion of all assigned chores for the week. You can work out the reward system with him, just make sure both of you get rewarded equally. Link to comment
tom_duley Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 make dinner like a restaurant serve him in a bra and underwear. I love it. Sounds like a pretty good reward. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 no when he goes "out" with friends he just meets them up at their place and play video games, watch a game, play with the dogs. He knows he has no cash so he doesn't spend any of his money on anything but us and our needs. So yea.... I'm sad and scared. Link to comment
winkie Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Take a moment and think what your life would be like without him!!!!!!!! If you can't imagine it without him then you need to fight for him. I lost my husband because we were in a rut arguing about money and this and that I miss him and wish that maybe i would have realized these things. I am telling you from my experience you need to sit down as a couple and talk about it....try things you wouldnt normally try.......step out of your skin and reacquaint yourself with the man you fell in love with 5 yrs ago. What do you have to lose besides not trying and being in a deeper rut. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I can't imagine my life without him, sometimes I think about "if" we were over and I feel miserable just thinking about it. But I have this grass is greener on the other side outlook. I wish I didn't have this outlook because I know a guy like him isn't impossible to find but he is rare. Link to comment
winkie Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Let me tell you something about the grass in greener theory.........little do you know that it is turf so eventually you realize it is FAKE. Count your blessings with what you have. Link to comment
jettison Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I think that people are conditioned to fight through a problem in a relationship and to have goals. If there seems to be no real problem present, then one partner is likely to invent one so that it might be solved. The best thing to do would be to share a common struggle. A couple that plans for the future together has a much better chance because there's no reason to worry about frivilous little non problems when there are real problems to be solved. Likely, unless you two take some drastic steps together, your anxiety over your relationship will not get better... it will get worse. One thing is for sure though... it is not him that you are truly dissatisfied with. You are just projecting your own dissatisfaction upon him. Happiness comes from within, and you're not going to find it in your boyfriend, your next boyfriend, or anyone else. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 okay can you help me with something else then. When he wants to leave and go out with his friends I get really pissed off. I don't have any friends because I am extremely shy and may even have social anxiety to a certain extent. I am working on this at a slow pace. I have my family ( my mom and 2 sisters) Those are the people I mainly communicate with but since I moved out we don't talk much because I am working and trying to organize my life to a comfortable state and explore my independence being this is my first apartment and everything being on my own. Do I need to take up some hobbies go to the gym, read so that I won't get annoyed when he wants to go out? He doesn't even go out much so I dont know why I am so damn annoyed about it! Link to comment
tom_duley Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Do I need to take up some hobbies go to the gym Yes you should have your own life too. Big relationship ruts happen when you don't have anything new to bring. Join an organization, political party, neighborhood association, girl scouts, habitat for humanity... You will meet friends that you can hang out with too. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 man I am soooooo nervous ahhh! I will do my best eeehhhhh!! Link to comment
jettison Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 To me, it just sounds like you're dissatisfied and a little bit miserable. Misery loves company. If your boyfriend is out with friends, and having a good time, then it feels like he's abandoning you, that he has something that you don't. You're kind of thinking "Hey, I'm miserable. You should be too!" Do you need to take up some hobbies and go to the gym? Yes! Either/or/both. If you get yourself involved with another guy then these problems of yours won't disappear. After the thrill and the excitement of the honeymoon phase is through, you'll be right back in the same place. Upset if he has a life and goes out without you, annoyed and dissatisfied if he doesn't have a life and is always around to bother you. One thing is for sure though... if you put off the dissatisfaction of your own life on your partner then he will grow distant and weary of you. In short, you'll make him miserable. Then, you'll confirm your suspician that he's a terrible partner. "Look how miserable this man is!" And the irony is that you'll have contributed mightily to why he's miserable. If you want a fantastic partner then lead the way. You can't expect love, affection, and adoration out of someone if you don't offer it to them, and especially, if you don't show it to yourself. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I was starting to believe that I just hate the relationship but some of the things you guys are saying is making since and its helping me put two and two together. In the back of my mind I was thinking I needed to do something with myself but then at the same time I get scared that doing my own things might backfire and then he won't spend as much time with me as he does now if I am always trying to do something by myself. I am a confusing person sometimes. Link to comment
tom_duley Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 might backfire and then he won't spend as much time with me as he does now if I am always trying to do something by myself. It sounds like you NEED to spend a little less time together, but that is okay. If you are both bringing something new into the relationship you will have more quality in the time you spend together. Link to comment
djedix Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Life can get boring at times. You just gotta keep finding new things to make it exciting. If you think being in a relationship like this is making it boring, then maybe you have to change it? Maybe you can get involved in what your boyfriend is doing? Also even thou you still don't live with your family any more, feel free to call them when you need someone to talk to or have them over Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 relationships are really hard, especially when you have been with the person for a long time. I love him Link to comment
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