gearhart123 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well.. 2 nights ago, it was me and my ex bf's first night together when we would have "intercourse" but on this 1 special night, he never showed up. I called him and he said he forgot and got drunk with his friends. I can't seem to forget about this, it makes me so mad and sad. I don't know what to do! I feel silly posting a new thread, i've posted alot latly, i guess i'm just having alot of problems latley Any ideas on how to help my feelings? Anything appreciated. Link to comment
Altruist Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I wouldn't be angry with him if I were you. He probably got performance anxiety. Some guys are just afraid that they won't live up to expectations. He might also be anxious about his size (I am supposing that you have not seen his 'thing'). Try to reassure him and let him know that you still care about him. Don't plan for sex but let it happen spontaneously (with the necessary precautionary measures of course). That way things will be comfortable. Link to comment
Russ Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 If he's still a virgin, he might have simply been afraid, and made an excuse. Trust me, a guy who 'forgets' to have sex, be it with his girlfriend, or anyone else, has either an overly extreme case of ADD, or simply was afraid. I've never taken drinking over sex, and I've never known a case in which drinking has come before sex, so Im betting on the second one. Link to comment
Papillion Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I'm sure he's not a virgin as the OP is 49 so i assume he's a similar age. And am sure the OP has seen his "thing" before as she said the guy is her ex. I think he's just having second thoughts. I would forget him if i were you. If that happened to me i would take it as a huge personal insult and i would take the message instantly. Link to comment
Papillion Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 oops, 49 is her number of posts, not her age. My mistake. Link to comment
Altruist Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 oops, 49 is her number of posts, not her age. My mistake. Hahaha. You'd better not make that mistake with your SO Link to comment
gearhart123 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 He's not a virgin. He lost it quite a while ago.. but i don't understand why he would be shy or scared about it. He always wants to do things like that. Link to comment
Russ Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Goodness, Im stumped for advice for once. The only thing I can secure is that guys dont forget about sex. That's like... forgetting to breath. And no, that's not an exagguration. Ask any honest guy. So you say ex, as in you broke up with him over this? Link to comment
d24 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 no i agree with addernoir - don't arrange sex because it just won't happen. Let it flow, kiss him and see where it leads... And sorry if I read this thread wrong but this sounds like a sexbuddy relationship. reasons why I'd say this are the use of the word 'intercourse' and her referring to the guy as her 'ex bf'. Now I could be wrong, this may have led to their breakup, but who knows. If a sexbuddy relationship is what you're about to start then consider this - perhaps he realised he had morales and didn't want a relationship with an ex purely based on sex because he doesn't want to be objectified? Perhaps he genuinely forgot, or got caught up with 'the guys' while chatting or hanging out (this happens to me a lot too)? And perhaps he does have performance anxiety - because let's face it you've scheduled when he needs to perform and that creates pressure. Anyway, don't be angry, it's a mistake as far as you know. Just please try to avoid 'rescheduling' lol... Good luck! Link to comment
Veroni Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 When people show you who they are, Believe them. He "forgot" about you. I dont think so. What guy forgets that he is going to have sex? Lets say it is like the other posters have said, that he had anxiety.....then why cant he talk to you about it? Or better yet, just tell you straight up, Im not ready to have sex? I think he chose to go with his friends, I think he chose to put you on the backburner, I think he chose to give you a lame reason for not showing up. Im not saying to quit him, but make him work for you. Dont have sex with him, until you know he is for you. Never take someones words as bond, Action...thats what tells you the truth. See what he does and then make him respect your feelings and thoughts. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 He's not a virgin. He lost it quite a while ago.. but i don't understand why he would be shy or scared about it. He always wants to do things like that. Well...just because someone's lost it quite a while ago, doesn't mean they can't be shy about it. Uh...trust me on this, and I've never told anyone except my best friend this(and since most here don't know me in a personal sense haha)...but I lost mine a few years ago, but then when then when it came time to sleep with a new girl about 6 months later, I was overly-excited(as a nice way to put it) and I didn't even last 10 seconds....embarrassing as hell, and with a girl I didn't really know all that well. So for a while there...when I started seeing other girls after her, I was doing all I could to avoid sex for a while because I didn't want -that- to happen again with some girl I really did like and know well. I eventually got over it though...that hasn't happened again...yet? So yeah...guys can get jitters, especially like most have said here...if it's planned...it's not going to be exciting really, it can be "semi-planned" as in you're going out to eat and then coming home to hang out....but I wouldn't plan it out like that... You broke up with him for that though? Do you know if what he even told you was true? I know you wanted it to be meaninguful and all....but maybe some things are better left...undone? It could end up better if you don't plan it at all ...until one of you reaches for the condom? Link to comment
Atticus90 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 your both ex's why would u have sex anyways Link to comment
gearhart123 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 your both ex's why would u have sex anyways he's my ex now.. i broke up with him. Did i forget to mention? Link to comment
d24 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 [warning: quite harsh] So... you broke up with him because you scheduled sex and he didn't turn up....? Then you write about it on the boards calling him a jerk? I despair at this situation! It really isn't that big a deal unless you're some sort of nympho who has to have it x times a week Get a grip please. If anything I think you're the female equivalent of a jerk because not only did you not believe him (relationships and trust should go hand in hand), but you've gone and ended a relationship on what could potentially be a huge misunderstanding/miscommunication. One 'stnad-up' and you're ready to run?! Talk about disposable society or what?!!? It's the same as a guy dumping a girl because she won't have sex with him. Everyone here would be appauled at that situation but you have the cheek to come here looking for validation? No, sorry - I feel like you're the one in the wrong here. [/harsh] Link to comment
gearhart123 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 well this isnt the first time hes done stuff like that. Like i can count numerous times when he didnt show up on a date.. i thought it was the right time and from other advice websites, they said to break up with him. Link to comment
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