whatsagirltodo Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I came home today from work at 1:00 and my 27 year old unemployed boyfriend was drunk (he doesn't live with me and I knew he was over). He was spitting all over himself, and started acting bizarre. He started knocking stuff over and trashing my apartment, spitting all over the place. I got so upset that I told him if he didn't calm down I was going to spray him with pepper spray. He almost knocked my mirror off the wall, and picked up a plastic container that I thought he was going to throw at me, so I did it. I sprayed a bit of pepper spray at his face. He went to the floor and started spitting all over the place and and the rest was a blur of him coughing and puking and me trying to help him, and him kicking, punching and hitting me, telling me how much he hates me and never wants to speak to me again. He started breaking things and throwing things and I finally got ahold of his brother to come and pick him up. I'm so mad, but sad at the same time, I love him so much, and don't know how he could act this way towards me. I know this has to be the end of any sort of relationship between us, because he is depressed and has had outbursts in the past. I feel that I was somehow wrong in spraying him with pepper spray, but he is a big guy, and I didn't know what else to do to calm him down. Honestly, I was scared of him and what he may be capable of - which is probably more of a sign then any that this was a bad relationship, and needs to end. But oh, how my heart will hurt. Link to comment
bella321 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 You felt that he was threatening you physically, you needed to act in self-defense. But now you need to be strong and end it for good. This guy clearly has nothing to offer you and you are too good for him. I'm sure there are many employed men out there who can handle their liquor who won't act violently towards you. Link to comment
Sunshine75 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I'm sure you're a smart woman and don't need me to tell you this, but in the future if there's a guy throwing things and putting your safety in danger - call the police. Doesn't matter how much you love him or you think he loves you. If he's spitting and trashing your apartment he needs to go. Taking matters into your own hands with the mace could have gotten more dangerous(violent) and you could have been seriously hurt - and he wouldn't have left. Also, he could have filed charges against YOU for assault if he wanted to be vindictive especially since he didn't actually touch you. I'm glad you're safe now and sorry for what you went through. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I think you acted in-the-moment. Yes, looking back, you should've just called the police but you were scared and this seemed like the right thing to do at the time. You felt like he was endangering you and he was trashing your stuff. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same. Of course it will hurt for awhile, you love him...but in the long run, this is what's best. Do you want to spend your time with an unemployed, abusive drunk? Link to comment
whatsagirltodo Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I was going to call the police, but I didn't want it to have to come down to that. I didn't want to risk getting evicted from my apartment, due to strict rules here. Link to comment
Sunshine75 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Sorry if I sounded like I was coming down on you in an already difficult situation. I just worry about people. But like Cairo said - it's for the best. You shouldn't feel so unsafe with your boyfriend that you have to consider whether you should call the police or just mace him yourself... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 This guy sounds completely out of control, and there was no reason for him to be destroying your apartment and spitting and threatening you. The only think you did wrong was not calling the police and having him hauled away for destruction of property. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 exactly, sunshine...you should feel SAFE with your boyfriend!!!! Save the mace for street creepers Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Hey, you warned him. You weren't wrong. It sounds like you are better off without him anyway. If all you had was a "sort of relationship" I am sure the sadness won't last long. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 >>>I love him so much oh honey, what's to love about this guy??? spitting all over your place, trashing it, puking all over the place, threatening you? be sure to take pictures of the disaster he made in your apt. to remind yourself why you would dump this guy. if you ever get weak moments when you want him back, take a look at the pictures again as a reminder. this guy may not have hurt you this time, but he might the next time... he's WAY out of control. honestly, if you feel the need to MACE your boyfriend, then it's time that you kick him to the curb instead and make sure he stays there. perhaps it will be a wakeup call for him and he'll straighten up, but more likely he'll be spitting and puking on some new girl's carpet in a month or two... Link to comment
whatsagirltodo Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I know, that's why this hurts so much. I'm crying as I'm typing! I don't understand how I have loved this person for so many years. Our relationship is bipolar. The good times are indescribable and the bad times are rock bottom. I'm addicted to the great times we have, and the bad times are far and few - but the intensity of the bad times are ridiculous. How can I love someone so much that treats me so horrible? I think maybe I should see a therapist. My work offers 3 free sessions... Link to comment
jengh Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 DEFINITELY recommend you see a therapist--especially if work offers it to you. I think it will benefit you a lot. Having a professional give his/her viewpoint. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I know, that's why this hurts so much. I'm crying as I'm typing! I don't understand how I have loved this person for so many years. Our relationship is bipolar. The good times are indescribable and the bad times are rock bottom. I'm addicted to the great times we have, and the bad times are far and few - but the intensity of the bad times are ridiculous. How can I love someone so much that treats me so horrible? I think maybe I should see a therapist. My work offers 3 free sessions... You are young, it's not all that uncommon to be addicted to the drama, ups and downs of an abusive, rocky relationship. But it's good that you recongnize that it is unhealthy and dysfunctional, and not a relationship you should be in. I urge you to seek counseling- I think it might help you. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.