Relationship Question

[Hotboy645]

I want to ask a question. Last week I had a party to attend. A female friend of mine was throwing it at her house. I told my lady about it and she said she felt uncomfortable with me going. I have never slept with this girl but she knows there was a time when I was attracted to her and she was attracted to me(she asked and I was honest). We never messed with one another. So I was like ok so come with me to the party and meet her. The weekend comes and we don't have a babysitter. So I was like I am going. She was like I don't want you going. I was like why? She was like I don't know her and you will be drinking and I know you were attracted to her. I explained it was nothing. We never took it there and her boyfriend is going to be at the party. Long story I did not go to the party.

 

Yesterday, one of her ex-boyfriends best friends call her and was like hey we are having a surprise party for you ex and his current girlfriend would like to know if you would come by. Now she told me about it I did not say a thing about it. Now this ex-boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship would call her constantly trying to re-kindle their love. Made me feel very uncomfortable in the beginning. This lasted for about 8 months in our relationship. When he was finally over her they began to work on their friendship. They are friends now and I have no problem with it but I still have a bitter feeling towards him because of all of the drama he caused in the beginning.

 

Now the party is this week. She mentioned it to me that she may go. I did not say anything. Now does it not look like thing are kind of unfair here? How should I handle this?

[Hotboy645]

By the way we have been together for 4 years, have a child and we are engaged. Its not a issue of me not trusting her but more of an issue of her being unfair. This is not the first time this has happened. Its kind of a normal thing when females she does not know enter my life.

[PixelPusher]

Wow... I've never read so many "so like" in my lifetime! I knew people say that a lot while talking, but to actually READ it is kinda funny. Just giving you a hard time...

 

As to your question... yeah, I guess it seems a little unfair. Why aren't you invited? Because you have to stay home and take care of your child? Relationships are about communication, so talk with her. Sit her down and respectfully tell her that you feel a bit upset because she didn't want you to go to your party, but you feel the same about her and her ex's party. Her reaction will guide you where you should go from there. I would suggest getting a babysitter and asking if you could come along.

 

Personally, all of my friends know how serious my relationship is and ANY invite they extend to me is also an invite for my g/f. I find it odd that both your friends are only inviting you two individually.

[teknoise]

She sounds very possessive and sounds like she has low confidence. This is the root of the problem, far deeper than her simply not wanting you to go to this party.

 

Why do you suppose she does not have enough confidence in herself or the relationship that you cannot go to a party with someone you found attractive in the past?

 

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like this? Considering all you have invested in the relationship I'd take that as a 'yes'. So you will need to help her build self confidence and self esteem so that she is comfortable with you having your freedom without her getting all jealous and upset. Easier said than done, of course, as it is largely a personal battle to increase self confidence.

[Daligal83]

Why didn't you say anything? If you don't like something that she's doing, speak up. Otherwise she'll just keep doing it because she knows she can. You don't have to attack her or anything, but just say, "I feel that it's unfair that you are going to your ex's party without me while I couldn't go to this girl's party without you." Have an open and calm conversation about it. If she still doesn't get it, then you need to decide of this quality is something you can handle in a significant other or not.

[notsoanonymous]

I find it important that the only reason you BOTH didn't go to the party was a babysitting issue. Maybe this is NOT the case, but it sounded to me like since it was "your" party to go to, when the time came and no sitter was available, you expected her to stay with baby. She probably didn't appreciate that - also because she told you she would prefer you not go without her. Did you stay home that night because she "made" you? Or because you knew it bothered her?

 

Here is the thing. You never mentioned in your post if you have a sitter for this next outing. So do you, and she wants to go alone? Or do you not, and she is expecting you to stay home with baby (as you clearly think she should have last week but for whatever reason you stayed behind.) That is pretty key here too.

 

When push comes to shove though, easiest way to handle these situations is if you can find a sitter, both go to party, if not, both stay home.