I need some serious help!

[J_SLICE]

Ok, so I'm a 19 year old guy, and for the past few months I've been talking to this 17 year old local girl on Myspace. So we finally decide to meet up for the first time. She contacted me about a week ago asking if I wanted to go on a double date with her on the 5th of this month, and her best friend and her best friend's b/f would be going as well. So of course I said yes! I've seen her pictures, and she is very gorgeous, and pretty nice to talk to as well. So the night before we talk on the phone for 4 hours, one of the longest phone conversations I've ever had. Just talking about whatever, I was really comfortable talking with her any anything, and she seemed to feel the same way. So the next day I get to her house around 7:00 pm to pick her up for the movie. I get to her door, and she opens it up. Let me tell ya, my heart just started throbbing when I saw her for the first time in person. She is so gorgeous, and she was looking very beautiful. So I came in, met her parents, and we left. Got to the movies, and the movie sucked by the way, do not go see One Missed Call, yack! But she was scared, and the night before told me that she liked guys to take control of stuff like holding her hand and such. So I saw she was scared, so I put my arm around her and held her hand. So the way I see it, if she wasn't into me like that, then she wouldn't have let me done that, right? So, the movie is over, and we go grab some ice cream. We get back to my house, she meets my mom, and we go upstairs. She notices that I have Guitar Hero 3, and she immediately wants to play. Now, even though she wasn't very good at it, she still played it! That was the first time I've even seen a girl play Guitar Hero! Then we went onto my roof and talked and such, and we held hands some more. Afterwards, we see that it is almost 11, and she has to be home by then. So I take her home, and we are standing outside of her house by the door. We start talking about how the date went and everything, and we talk about other things for a bit. Now, usually when a date goes good for me, I would go in for the kiss. But there was just something about her, something about the whole night and how it was perfect, something about her that just made me nervous at that point, but a good kind of nervous, my heart was throbbing pretty good. But instead of going in for the kiss, I went in for a hug because she made me feel so nervous and have butterflies in my stomach, and that was the first girl in a long time that has done that. So, I go back to my car kicking myself mentally, and drive home.

 

Now, by that time I was kind of over the whole not kissing her thing, but still think about it a bit, I mean, it's only been a day. I was thinking about her all night long last night, all night. She was asleep by the time I got home, because she had basketball practice in the morning, so instead I wrote her a message on myspace. In my message I asked her if I was the kind of guy that she would want to get to know better and eventually date, or if she thought of me as just a friend. Was it a bad decision to message her and ask that? Or is it good to find that out early so I will know now and not get my hopes up?

 

Please, I need some help here. No girl has made me feel like this in a very long time, and I would like to keep her.

 

Me = Hopeless Romantic

 

Please Help!!!

[random_stranger]

i think it was a bold move for you to ask her, but i applaud your boldness! (Most guys beat around the bush forever.) Honestly, the worst thing that can happen is that she gets weirded out by you and doesn't want to talk to you anymore. On the other hand, if she does like you, then you can get this relationship thing going. (But it sounds like your chances are good since you two held hands and spent time together and she didn't seem weirded out by it.) Don't think too much about it... if it's meant to happen, it will! (Just don't get too clingy... because that can be a turn-off too.)

[J_SLICE]

Thanks for the advice! Jeez, I've never been this nervous about a girl before! I just wish she would log on to Myspace and read it. Or perhaps if I talk to her on the phone before then then maybe I should just ask her on the phone. Who knows.

[No Spaces Rob]

I think you did all right with the touching and holding hands thing.

 

The thing you want to get accross with her is that you mean business, you are with her because you are attracted to her and want to date her, you're not just there as a friend. The hug is a bit ambiguous, but I guess it is a safe option when you haven't kissed before.

 

But I don't really like how you phrased that as a question rather than as a statement of your own intention. Maybe she thought the hug was a sign that you just want to be friends and you didn't see it as a real date, and now that you have asked this she might assume that you are expecting her to want to be a friend.

 

Or maybe not. She might already have a fair idea how you feel.

 

Anyhow, I reckon it might have been kind of a confronting question for her to receive especially if a) she doesn't know how you feel, and she doesn't want to spoil it by picking the 'wrong' option; and b) she may not even know how she feels yet, or she may have a feeling but not be sure.

 

So she may go for the easy option and say she's not sure yet. Don't be too disheartened if she says this. Keep up with what you were doing and next time, go for a kiss after you've done that she'll have less doubt how you feel.

 

On the other hand if she says yes to the kind of guy that she might 'want to eventually date', then perhaps suggest another date right away and use the word 'date' so she knows.

 

Or she might just not answer the question. That's not the end of the world, maybe she will find it a difficult question. In my opinion I don't think you need to bring it up, I would take the approach instead of calling your next date a 'date' in front of her just so you are making your own position clear - and yeah kiss her if you have the courage.

 

Edit:

 

Don't get me wrong here - I reckon you have serious balls for holding her hand and touching her, and for asking that question. So you are to be congratulated! I am just trying to offer some practical advice. But I still admire your courage!

[J_SLICE]

I think I'm just going to call her later today and tell her how I feel, and ask if she feels the same. Good or bad decision?

[d24]

Bad decision.

Give it another day or two and if she hasn't got back to you still give her a call and ask her if she wants to hangout at yours and play some more guitar hero, watch a movie maybe, order in a pizza? Don't go near the whole 'i like you, do you like me' scenario cos it can be seen as a little needy.

Play it cool, let your time together do the talking Good luck!

[J_SLICE]

But if I wait too long then I could end up getting stuck in the friend zone!

[No Spaces Rob]

Yeah I agree (with tux above). Here is a golden rule:

 

"Always act as if you believe the other person likes you". That way you can't go wrong. The goal is to avoid looking like you are seeking her approval (as tux put it 'a little needy'), because that's not what you really want to do - you just want to have a good time with her. If she is attracted to you then she'll love every second she spends with you anyway, and if she isn't, then there's not much you can do about that. Well, at least asking whether she likes you isn't it.

 

I would stress that your aim is to get to see her again, because if you two can be together in person and you can have a good time together, that is what will build your attraction for each other. So ask her out again, maybe not right away as you don't want to crowd her, but within a few days. Tell her you had a good time, tell her you want to ask her on a 'date' if you like. Have a chat, and do what feels comfortable.

 

If she isn't running away from you or trying to find excuses to leave you, then you are fine. With women you don't need to constantly ask them if they like you. If they don't like being with you, they'll try and find a way to leave. If you are scared of the 'friend zone' then you need to show your intentions. Kissing them is a pretty sure way! Asking out on a 'date' and mentioning that it is a date is another. Show her your intentions, and she won't assume you just want to be friends.

[tom_duley]

It looks like you are already getting some outstanding advice. I just wanted to compliment you for meeting her parents, and having her meet yours. A lot of kids skip that step. Good Job, keep it up.

[J_SLICE]

Well, I went in with the mentality that she is interested in me, and I still have it, but not all the way 100% sure. But this is some really good advice, I appreciate everyone's help. I'm not going to worry about it a lot, show her my intentions, and the next time I'm definitely going in for the kiss. Thanks guys.

[rs.dallaire]

I think things have gone really well but you need to cool it down, dude. Be more patient and don't rush into this as you will look insecure. Trust me, it takes much longer to be labelled as a friend! And friends don't hold hands, etc.

 

Instead of asking her "will you date me" and other similar questions, just ask her out again next weekend.

 

And NEVER attempt to contact her until she has gotten back to you. NEVER.

 

She seems to really like you so be confident, be patient and play it cool.

[J_SLICE]

So I finally got a reply back from her, and this is what she said:

 

"i think it's best if we just stay friends right now

and i'm not just saying that either, your a cool kid and have lots of potential friendness... yes friendness lol"

 

So, that's pretty much it for me.

I'm in the friend zone, I knew it.

 

 

Can't win em all I always say.

[rs.dallaire]

A girl going out with you to the movies, holding hands... Come on, I think she is (or at least was) very interested.

 

I don't think it was a mistake to not kiss her. A gentleman can be patient.

 

Asking her whether you were BF material was a huge, huge mistake. As an adult, you will realize that such questions better remain unsaid.

 

I don't think you are definitely game over though. If you go out with her again, hold hands, become physically close, who knows?

 

Just don't ask her stupid questions like that again. And be patient. Be very patient and move slowly.

[J_SLICE]

I don't know, I've been in this situation before. I mean, if she wants to be friends like she said then I can't change her mind.

[rs.dallaire]

Did you really think she was going to give in that easily and tell you "yeah, I think you're boyfriend material"? That's the best way to make a guy run.

 

Anyhow, you know better than the rest of us how your date went.

[J_SLICE]

Well, some girls do, and some girls don't. I don't want to keep coming on to her if she really just wants to be friends, but then again it could be what you said about giving in easily. Dammit.

[tom_duley]

You said she liked a guy that took control. That means more than just holding her hand in the movie theater. You probably should not have put it on her if y'all should date or not. But don't worry, it is not like she was asking to go home early or anything, that is a good sign.

 

If you want a friend I guess you don't have to do anything else, but if you want a girlfriend I recommend you erase from your memory that she said anything about "friends." and ask her on another date.

[rs.dallaire]

You said she liked a guy that took control. That means more than just holding her hand in the movie theater. You probably should not have put it on her if y'all should date or not. But don't worry, it is not like she was asking to go home early or anything, that is a good sign.

 

If you want a friend I guess you don't have to do anything else, but if you want a girlfriend I recommend you erase from your memory that she said anything about "friends." and ask her on another date.

 

I fully agree. Go on another date and see how it goes.

 

You need to slow down on the "relationship" thing but you also need to take control of the situation.

 

I often tell other ENA posters to move on because they hold on to an infinitely small piece of hope. But in your case you might stand a real chance with her.

 

You might get rejected but hey, better get used to it. Rejection is good for you.

[J_SLICE]

Well, that's not really going to do anything. She said she "hated to burst my bubble"

[J_SLICE]

Like most girls, they lead me on. She keeps apologizing for bursting my "bubble."

[rs.dallaire]

Ok then you are probably right and I'm sorry that it ended like that.

 

I don't think she lead you on though. I think girls might find you attractive but perhaps you need to improve your "closing" skills.

 

Honestly, if a girl that I reasonably like asks me if I like her more than a friend after one date, I would be very turned off. The fact that you did this by e-mail on the very same night that you went out only highlights your insecurity and lack of confidence.

 

Take this as a learning experience. I'm sure you'll do better next time.

[J_SLICE]

I'm not insecure by any means, and I certainly do not lack confidence, I was impressing her all night. I guess I just rushed it, that's all.

[d24]

You're young, you just want to spend more time with her, and it had clouded your judgement with the whole 'boyfriend material' thing.

 

Put yourself in her shoes. You've been on a nice date, met his parents, introduced him to yours, spent hours on the phone talking, he's already holding your hand and hugging you after one date at the movies infornt of her friends, and you've spent time talking on the roof. Intense?! .......... Hold up, this is going a bit fast!? Then he messages me and asks if he seems like boyfriend material? What does that mean anyway? Can't we just have fun and see where it leads? I think the only way to calm this down is to slow things down - easiest way is to make him calm down. How can I do that? I'll tell him I want to be friends for now, and he might start acting a little less needy... then I can decide as we go out more if he's what I want.

 

You're not in the friend zone yet in my opinion. You're in purgatory. The middleground. You're nowhere. Which is good, because it still means you have a chance to calm down and spend some time with her - find out if you're really as good for eachother as you think.

 

So. Deep breath. And ask her if she'd like to hangout and do something fun, which might bring you closer together, but at the very east will 'expose' both of you to more time with eachother.

 

Oh, also... bear in mind. If on the double date the girl's friend said to her "hey you're moving a bit fast, whats the deal with him holding your hand and hugging you" then she has to slow it down anyway for fear of being called a bit of a tart/harlet/ * * * * ? Think about it!

 

And good luck!

[ghost69]

did u hear back yet? you should have asked her over the phone. but honestly, you should have asked her out for another day. that would definitely tell you.