jerseyangel Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I was dating an awesome guy for 2 years...we were of different races and I knew that it would be difficult if it became serious but I didn't seem to mind. I was so in love with him but as our relationship progressed and became more serious he started backing away. he knew that his parents would never approve of a white girl (he is south asian) and he kept telling me that it couldn't get anymore serious because he didn't want to break my heart. We broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together...we did this for months...his parents were both born in the US however, they held on very strongly to their indian heritage and traditions and as such, found him a wife. He didn't want to go through with it but said it had to be done. he kept saying he didn't want to disappoint his parents. he's been engaged for about 3 months now to a girl he has nothing in common with. I stayed away for a bit but like always we started seeing each other again. I know that we love each other but he will never have the courage to stand up to his parents and would rather be miserable than do what his heart wants. I've been saying for months that I can't keep doing this to myself...I cry constantly and I'm always miserable but I can't seem to let go. As horrible as it sounds, i don't even care about this girls feelings...I just want to be with him and I know it will never happen but the feelings in my heart won't change. I've dated other guys after him...but I can't seem to forget him. I don't know what to do. I'll never have what I want...If he comes to me, his parents will disown him (the same thing happened to his brother, which is probably why he feels he has to do what his parents want because of all the pressure). I'm losing my sanity but he won't let me go either...he says he always wants me in his life...everytime I say goodbye, he finds a way back into my life...albeit, I let him but I know that this time I really have to let go...I just don't know where to begin... Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Geez, I was in an interracial relationship. All I got to say is his fear of disappointing his parents is greater than being in a relationship with you. Even if he says he loves you, he indeed might love you but he loves being accepted by his parents more, and you deserve much better. You are right to let go, and when he tries to come back and say he wants you in his life while being married to someone else, call him on his bull. Take care! Link to comment
random_stranger Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 My friend is a buddhist vietnamese female and she was dating a christian south asian male. They hid their relationship for the first few years they were dating because both of their parents disapproved because of both race AND religion. But then the stress became too strong and they broke up. About a year later, he came back to her and told her he loved her and all that, and despite the fact that his parents strongly disapproved and also threatened to disown him, he told them about it because my friend threatened to leave him if he didn't. My point is... if he really loved you as much as you loved him, he'd get the balls to tell his parents. If he's not willing, then he doesn't care enough about you and I agree with icecoldtigress that he just doesn't deserve you. Don't let him string you and his fiance along!!! He's trying to have his cake and eat it too and if you let him, you're just going to hurt yourself even more. Give him the ultimatum... choose you or tell his parents... if he chooses his parents, then accept it and move on and tell him that if he really cares about you then he should stop contacting you and let you heal. (You can be friends later if you want, but no contact for the first few months after a breakup is very crucial... otherwise, you'll never get over it.) I know that you're probably in a lot of pain right now and don't know how to deal with it, but something that really helped me when I was going through my breakup was reading the book called "It's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt and his wife. They give advice as to what to do to get over the breakup and they also have a compilation of other breakup stories to let you know that you're not alone in the pain that you're feeling right now. (Also, they put a humorous spin on the whole situation, so you get a good laugh or two out of it and we all know that laughter is the best medicine!) Goodluck! Link to comment
jessicake Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 oh darling, that is so sad! its a hard one because whilst i respect that he wants ot make his parents happy, he should also respect you and let you go if he has already made a decision... it seems that he has set his priorities and that is to marry the girl his parents chose for him... but i agree with the others, perhaps talk to him and ask him to talk to his parents about his feelings. and for him to let his parents know about how he feels about you, about the girl and about how he will not be happy if he isnt with you. he at least owes you that. if his parents are still so adamant that he be unhappy, and he is ok with that, then perhaps it is time to move on. its very romeo and juliet-esqe! *hugs Link to comment
jerseyangel Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 thank you for the kind words...he has spoken to his parents and they have basically said..it's this way or no way and he's afraid to change things...I know his mother feels like everyone will look poorly on her family if he stays with me (that's all she seems to care about-what other people think)..she doesn't care what her son wants...she always says to him "what about what your parents want?" it's hard...he's going to hurt this girl and he's hurting me...I know he's not happy and I know he's confused...last night I told him to stop calling me...that if that is what he's going to do with his life he can't drag me into it...I was in 3 serious relationships before him and I had never been truly happy until I met him...it's so hard...his parents have even told him that all a white girl wants is his money (he comes from a wealthy family) but I am educated and have a wonderful job...if it even came down to pleasing them that way I would sign a pre-nup that says I get absolutely nothing...I don't want his money I want him...he's called me all day today and I won't answer...this time I have to do it..I have to let him go...i know that he'll always have a piece of my heart but I guess we weren't meant to be in this lifetime...anyways..I'll keep you all updated..thank u Link to comment
jerseyangel Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 thank you I think I'll go buy that book Link to comment
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