Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 My ex and I broke up the day after thanksgiving because he claims he has his stuff to work on before he can put me back into his life as a big part and wanted to remain friends. This was after I confronted him about the flirty/kissey pictures of him I found on his phone that he was texting to girls online. The things he need to figure out is that with his finances, making enough money to pay his bills and getting back into school. He sees that this is very important and that's why he needs a break from our relationship to focus on his situation. But, most of the times when I talk to him, he’s busy playing video games. However, after he broke up with me, he texted me everyday and calls until I stopped replying back a couple weeks ago. Meanwhile he is having a cyber-relationship with a girl online...I think it has been going on while we've been dating. Anyways, he called to wish me a happy new year and asked "when I'm coming back to town and when I wanted to hang out with him to give him a call." He sounded really depressed on the phone as I was hanging out downtown watching the fireworks. To me it sounds like he wants to weasle his way back into my life, but part of me wants to hang out...so conflicted! Link to comment
carrickfergus Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Psh. Do not even go there, you are much better than some no life who can not get his, excuse me, sh*t together. You have people willing to support you and there is no reason you should go slumming it with your ex. You may have missed him, but he just missed your pocket book. Link to comment
Jeffrey2095 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Hi Icecoldtigress, and welcome to ENA, Yeah, I'm with carrickfergus, you shouldn't have to put a relationship on hold for whatever reasons, sounds pretty flimsy. I would move on. Jeff Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I think you're right, two years and he hasn't gotten his sh!t together meanwhile complaining about that he's stressed from a job while I am going to school double majoring and working two jobs...lol nicely put too carrickgfergus. Link to comment
carrickfergus Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 See, you are a girl with a smart head on your shoulders who has her, excuse me again, sh*t together. Find a man who can work with that and appreciate what you have going on. P.S. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Jeez, I am too cynical. Anyways, I have learned when he says "Let's remain friends." It means, "You are a good back up." Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 When your down relationships are alot of pressure. He could actually mean what he says even though he doesn't have the volition to follow thru with his goals. He probably wants to be with you but feels he can't live up to your expectations. If he's not what you want move on, but if you still want to be with him do so without such judgements...maybe even supportive... Link to comment
carrickfergus Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 When your down relationships are alot of pressure. He could actually mean what he says even though he doesn't have the volition to follow thru with his goals. He probably wants to be with you but feels he can't live up to your expectations. If he's not what you want move on, but if you still want to be with him do so without such judgements...maybe even supportive... Okay, that makes sense, but what about the pictures? And what about the cybering with girls online? What about the video games he spends all day playing? Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I was supportive where I told him if his not happy with his life do something to change it for the better, as long as you're degreeless employers aren't going to hire you and the jobs you get are deadend. I did that for two years, juggling school, work, and my relationship with him. Just before thanksgiving break, we went to see a concert and before the show started he texted girls saying laughing at them saying I'm at the concert while you're at work and to the other while you're at home. I think that it is very odd that he gets all unhappy and wanting to break up with me when I confronted him about the flirty/kissey pictures he was sending to random girls online. Frankly, I think it is bull that he goes why don't you trust me and so and so and I are just friends as a reason. When I see my boyfriend do something inappropriate, I will ask him about it, and it's not about trust because trust is earn not given and you earn it through you're actions. Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 And i forgot to mentioned when I said "I think that it is very odd that he gets all unhappy and wanting to break up with me when I confronted him about the flirty/kissey pictures he was sending to random girls online." This was only three days after the concert and we had a blast because we saw our favorite band. Not to mention that I asked him for a picture and never got a text. To me it seems odd and it doesn't seem right when you go from having a blast/lovely dovey to I want to break up over a short period. Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He sounds like a normal 21 year old. If you can't trust him move on. But cyber relationships are usually light and disposable. Just because OT works 2 jobs, he's not allowed to be stressed from one? Edit: I posted this before i read your 2 above posts. Was there any redeeming qualities to him? Link to comment
carrickfergus Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He sounds like a normal 21 year old. If you can't trust him move on. But cyber relationships are usually light and disposable. Just because OT works 2 jobs, he's not allowed to be stressed from one? Of course he is, but it isn't about her just trusting him, it is about him respecting her and whats she constitutes as cheating. Why is flirting around? Why is it okay for him to have a cyber relantionship while being in one with her? And if he is in the same situation as last time, will he just break up with her when he gets stressed again? Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 You have a point entropy smith however my terms on cheating is more strict and cynical. Yes one can be stressed from a job but when it is used over and over again to validate being online three times the hours worked then it gets to be a problem being 23 years old wanting to settle down. Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 If you can't trust him then get rid of him. I guess i was just playing devil's advocate alittle. Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Yes there were hence the conflict...He was fun to be around, just knows how to make my day when school and work gets overwhelming, loves me enough to drive three hours to and from the concert lol, sensitive, I used to think he was caring and attentive but the women online, being more attentive to them, and frequently mentioning them when we are together and to his family. Link to comment
carrickfergus Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 If you can't trust him then get rid of him. I guess i was just playing devil's advocate alittle. I know, it was fun. But to continue, Icecoldtigress is right where does she fit in amongst these women in his life? If they are so light an indisposable. Link to comment
Icecoldtigress Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Not to get me wrong, because I think I came off as an over jealous girlfriend...not me at all. I think jealousy is caused by an action that was not appropriate. I'm totally for having friends of the opposite sex because there's a line there, a line that should not be crossed if they are just friends. I think if I have to listen to him yell at me for wearing crew cut tees being too tight around my chest (lol the shirt fits my waist, and arms), I should be able to ask him about the flirty pictures and why is he constantly talking and so and so when he hasn't even might them. Link to comment
Sickboy48 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 some 21 year old are just lost. They have no clue what they want. I say move on and find a guy who loves ya and isn;t out flirting. Link to comment
v-neck Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I think you're right, two years and he hasn't gotten his sh!t together meanwhile complaining about that he's stressed from a job while I am going to school double majoring and working two jobs...lol nicely put too carrickgfergus. All i'm getting from this is you think you're better than him because you work and go to school? Maybe he has problems, like each and everyone of us do. So here it is, it's simple. you already know what to do, just do it and move on, if not help him through whatever it is and see if it works out. You're never better than another human being, remember that, it sounds you just might not be as compatible or on the same page... Good Luck. Link to comment
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