Overly sensitive when I see him

[itsallgrand]

Ok, this has been bothering me and I'm really not sure how to go about working it out.

 

I have one brother, who I am close to, and I do see him quite regularly.

 

The thing that has been bothering me lately is my own reaction when out with him. See, my brother has a lot of scars. They are very visible.

 

We'll be out in public, and people often ask him about them. Or me. And he is so cool. He handles it great.

 

The thing is lately, when stuff like this happens, I feel myself getting real emotional. To the point where I have to hold back tears. I feel very sensitive to this stuff, while he seems unconcerned.

 

I try not to show it. I mean, what would I say? The last thing in the world I would want is to hurt him, or for him to think that this is a big issue.

 

In general, it isn't. It's been years, and we've gone through tonnes together, including what gave him those scars.

 

But it's getting to the point where, I'm finding myself avoiding looking at the places that have been hurt. I'm not feeling natural - I feel like sometimes I may be staring, or when I'm touching him, it's like I am super aware and self conscious about it.

 

It's never been like this for me. I mean, it's not the look of it. I don't know how to say this, but I can usually be around most anything - even situations that others would find hard to stomach - involving bodily functions and hurts without blinking an eye.

I'm not squeamish, and day to day I work with people in situations that usually involves having to help others come to terms with stuff like this, and to help bridge that divide of not-being-sure-how-to-act.

 

So why all of a sudden. I just want to cry every time I see him. This is so hard to say. I think of all the potential he had, what was lost. What he would look like if it had never happened. A million things like this. It makes me feel ashamed to even be feeling this way.

 

and I just don't know who to talk to about it. It feels so wrong. I just want to resume feeling normal about it.

 

thanks for listening . This is really personal, so I might delete it after a day or so . It's just really close to home. ok?

[someguy88]

Awwww. Don't beat yourself up. You obviously love your brother and just want the best for him. When the people I love are hurt I feel their hurt. I think it's perfectly natural. The thing is, your brother has come to grips with his scars and you should try to as well.

 

Have you spoken to your brother about this?

[itsallgrand]

No, I haven't. Ever.

 

I just don't want to hurt him.

 

We have always dealt with these things by joking. He is a wise ass. It's always been a lot of jokes.

 

And when something is uncomfortable with him, he laughs. I'm afraid if he does it this time I will start bawling like a baby.

 

thanks for listening.

[bulletproof]

What do you think has happened in your own life or mind lately that this is only starting to become an issue now? Has anything changed?

 

I don't have any comparable situations, but there have been moments in my life when I've experienced discomfort where there was none before. And often, these stages/periods do pass. I know what you mean about not wanting to address with your brother for fear of hurting him. So maybe you just ride it out (and maybe have some distance from him for a bit?) and let the anxiety pass.

[someguy88]

No, I haven't. Ever.

 

I just don't want to hurt him.

 

We have always dealt with these things by joking. He is a wise ass. It's always been a lot of jokes.

 

And when something is uncomfortable with him, he laughs. I'm afraid if he does it this time I will start bawling like a baby.

 

thanks for listening.

 

He's your brother. I'm sure he knows you love him very much. If you start bawling that's okay. I think you should talk to him. He's probably going to be his 'wiseass' self, but I'm sure he'll try to understand where you're coming from.

 

Sometimes it's most difficult to talk to the ones we're closest to because we don't want to put anything on them or hurt them in any way. However, you're doing yourself and him a disservice by keeping this bottled up. Get it out in the open, cry your eyes out and let him make wise cracks. He'll be there for you. You're blood.

[WaterIsLife]

Maybe bawling like a baby with him might not be a bad thing?

 

I mean, he's your brother. I'm sure he knows that you're not ashamed of him in any way. I bet he won't feel bad about it either. If there is anything he will have emotions about it will be how you are hurting inside over this. You're not wrong to feel the way you do. You should not be ashamed. Your feelings are your feelings, you know?

 

It sounds to me that you have not fully healed from the traumatic experience that brought those scars? Who better to help heal you than your brother?

 

Maybe expressing these feelings to him might be the best way of working through these feelings?

 

I know thats much easier said than done though. Just some food for thought.

[itsallgrand]

Emotionally, I think I've been way behind the times. Honestly.

 

I think these things that happened when I was a girl, it's only at this point where I am emotionally coming to terms with a lot of it.

I feel "safer" than I ever have since my world sort of exploded there; like I am honestly only now becoming a fully emotional adult.

 

That's not pretty yet that is the truth. I think I'm feeling it now 'cause I didn't ever get a chance to really experience that hurt before. "too much to do".

 

I think maybe I just need to go through this. So you think space during this time might be a good idea? Until I feel a little less on the verge of tears? lol.

[tylercdurden2004]

Everyone has their breaking point. Maybe you are holding all this in and it just comes out when you are with your brother?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am not sure how old you are now but as you get older, and people around you start having health problems, you start feeling your own mortality and those closest to you. So what your brother has dealt with and the outcome might be affecting you more now because you are more aware of health issues and mortality. Also, I think being on this forum, you see the emotional ups and downs of so many people, it is bound to have an impact on how you see your own life and the people around you...increase in the awareness of the emotions of others and how they can perceive things.

[WaterIsLife]

It sounds to me that there is a part of things that you have only recently been able to process. Only recently been able to grieve over and start to get it out of you. Thats ok, you know? It happens. We often bottle up those feelings and shove them into our subconscious in order to protect ourselves. Now you're ready to be able to process this stuff. Thats not a bad thing.

 

I don't know. Maybe creating space might be avoidance? Some space in order to process things more can be a good thing, but only temporarily IMO.

[itsallgrand]

All I know is that I want to go through it, and move past it, in some healthy way.

 

Whatever it all is, to experience it and let it go. Move on.

 

I just don't know how best to do it. That's the sad truth.

[WaterIsLife]

Yeah. Not sure if there's any easy answer to that. I guess we all work thru things in our own way and at our own pace.

 

I do think that letting him know how you feel would be a good thing though. I mean, if you can't express these things to him than who can you? I think you might feel like a weight has been lifted off you once you do.

 

When you open up to him go ahead and cry. Cry like there's no tomorrow. I think you need to.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, maybe I should give that a try. At the very least, it is something I haven't yet tried and so I don't know how it will go.

 

He hasn't really seen me cry before. I'm the older one, and I dunno, I guess I always have tried to be strong for him.

 

Maybe then he will stop making jokes about me being partially a cyborg. lol. It might be good for him to see me showing that type of emotion.

 

but wow

[itsallgrand]

Thank you all very much for listening, and for the support. It made a big difference.

 

I met with my bro this afternoon, and had some belly laughs. I swear to god, I hadn't belly laughed like that in a while.

 

No, I haven't talked with him about this yet. Today, he was surprised at how well I was listening to him. Not interrupting, for once! That seemed to be missing. So I will do that more.

 

It's much easier to listen after feeling listened to.