starsjam Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 im honestly really confused..i dont want to jump to any conclusions but its so hard for me not to when my gut is telling me somethins is wrong. my boyfriend and i have been together for the past 4 years.. well anyways, before he left for florida about 2 weeks ago we were sopposed to spend the night together going out.. he told me we would be leaving in 30 minutes and that he was going to run up to the store quickly.. 30 minutes turned into 6 hours of him not coming back, i was so worried and thinking the worst i even phoned the hospital..and when he came back he was wearing different clothes and told me some story that i didnt believe. when i told him i knew it was a lie he looked down and didnt respond.. he left for florida for 2 weeks and came back yesterday morning at 10 am.. and he still hasnt phoned me. i find it a bit abnormal for somebody who has been in a relationship this long to not even phone and say hello and ask me how my holidays were.. at least something. i phone his home and he's not there so hes obviously out.. i also spoke to one of our good friends and she has heard from him. im just really confused and dont know what to think about the whole thing.. i need some advice!!:sad: Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Do you suspect he is cheating and that is why he is not calling you? This mutual good female friend...have you noticed any signals between them? Is it possible they are keeping something from you (is he cheating with her?). His behaviour is definitely fishy and certainly very rude and hurtful even if he is not cheating. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Wow -- This is a tough spot for you to be in. How long after this incident did he leave for Florida? Was it the next day? What excuse did he give you for going *missing* for 6 hours? When you phoned his house, did you get a message machine, or did you speak to someone who told you he was out? I agree it is extremely odd -- and pretty suspicious -- that he has been in a relationship with you for so long and hasn't called you to let you know he got home and find out how your holidays were. Even if he was extremely tired, he could have at least phoned you and said "Hi, I'm really exhausted from travel, but I wanted to check in and see how you were doing." And, the fact that one of your other friends has heard from him and you haven't...not good. My suggestion, without having a lot of additional details: Call him, ONCE only. If you do not get a hold of him, leave him a message saying that it is important that he call you back as soon as possible. If he calls back, lay it out on the line. Tell him that his behavior is unacceptable. Explain to him that you are upset that he didn't call you at some point to let you know he had returned from Florida. And, ask him to be 100% honest with you about what happened before he left for Florida -- what he was REALLY doing for those 6 hours he went *missing.* Obviously, he's afraid to tell you the truth. If he isn't honest with you, or if he makes up another crazy story, you really should consider breaking things off with him. Something is really amiss here. After you've called and left him a message, don't call him again, at least not for awhile. See if he calls you back. Obviously, you guys have mutual friends, so it's not like he can just disappear on you and expect that you'll just let it go. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I HOPE he has a good explanation, but something tells me there isn't one. Hang in there. Keep us posted. Link to comment
AngelEyez Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'd be quite annoyed and worried as well. I agree with BrownEyedGirl. Call him once, try to leave a message, and see where it goes. He can't NOT TALK to you forever. Hmmmm...what was the story he told you about taking 6 hours? Guys hate it when you tell them they're "lying"...even if they are lying... If worse comes to worse, and you know he is cheating on you, then he never deserved you in the first place. I've been cheated on, and it's not a good feeling at all, but I guess me and him weren't meant for each other...and that's that. Some people have respect for others, and obviously some people do not. I'd suggest going out with some girl friends? To a movie? a bar? The Mod Club on College St? Don't stress too much. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 This doesn't sound good to me. What story did he give you when he disappeared for six hours? Did you have a fight about it and did he feel you were being overly suspicious? (Iwould have been) After four years together ya'd think he'd be calling you to let you know he's returned from Florida...something doesn't sound right. Link to comment
loveistough Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 It sounds very fishy. Sounds like he is trying to hide something. It's very strange he didn't call you when he returned from a 2 week trip. Did you talk to him at all while he was on his trip? Link to comment
starsjam Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 thanks alot guys for giving me advice on this whole situation. at least im not the only one who thinks theres something seriously wrong here, i mean i can just feel it in my gut. and i really dont believe he would just be too busy to phone me when he has enough time to phone his friend. i have suspected things between them at one point but now she is 9 months pregnant so suspecting anything would be odd. when he left for 6 hours he came to my door and the first thing he asked me was if i wanted to go to a party. he told me that he had gone home to change and fell asleep and when he woke up didnt think of phoning me because he assumed i would want to go to the party. i looked him in the eyes and told him if he didnt tell me the truth it would be over and he immedietaly said he did lie and that he was with this guy dan that he hasnt seen in months and then he went home. but iduno, hes the type of guy who would just say anything to end the argument instead of trying to fix it. i phoned his house when i was looking for him and talked to his mum who said he wasnt there, and also i talked to dans best friend a couple of days after who told me that he was with him the whole night and my boyfriend wasnt with them. i know for a fact its a lie, and it really bothers me that i dont know what really happened. i think the whole thing with this situation is that if he doesnt want to be with me anymore why does he have to completely avoid me and not even explain to me whats going on after being together for 4 years. its been 3 days since hes come home and ive spoken to his friends and his mum and told them all to tell him to phone me and he still hasnt. if he doesnt phone me or come by my house by 8 tonight im ending this. i really dont deserve to be treated this way out of no where. he phoned me from florida 2 days after he was there and we talked for a really long time as we normally would and im just really confused but reading over this its all really clear Link to comment
gearhart123 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Very strange.. had this been going on for a long time? or was it just before his trip? Also, do YOU think he's cheating? My ex did that. Kinda. He told me he would come to my house on for my birthday, but he never came. He called me and said "i'm busy at work" when it was a sunday and he never works on the weekends. Hope everything is good. Link to comment
starsjam Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 what happened with your boyfriend?? and it just started happening before his trip which is why im suddenly like so stunned and confused by his behaviour Link to comment
jerseyangel Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Funny...the same thing happened to one of my friends...her ex went to LA on business and said he would be gone for a week...we found out from another friend that he had come home 2 days earlier but never called his girlfriend...I agree with you...it is totally wrong to do that...I suggest that u ignore him...give him a taste of his medicine..he had no right to do that to you. Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Weird. Definitely strange behavior and yes, he should have called you. I can maybe see not calling you if you two were just barely dating, but being together for four years means he needs to respect you and the relationship enough to let you know where he was at. I can imagine how worried my g/f would be if I didn't let her know where I was for 6-hours with no contact. That's BS. He is hiding something. I suggest laying down the law and if he doesn't come clean, then walk. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 After four years together, he owes you better treatment than this. I agree with PixelPusher...ask him straight out what is going on; he's lied to you and he hasn't contacted you after returning from the trip. If he wants to end the relationship, he's doing it in a very unfair way considering how long you've been together. Take a good look at the relationship...is this what you want? Does it even matter what kind of explanation he could provide at this point? After four years together, don't you expect more from him? You deserve far better. Link to comment
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